And then it happened....
I've been the fiancé/live in girlfriend for eight months now, love the kids (4yrs and 8yrs) and they seem to love me back. BM does NOT love me nor the fact that her ex is happy and doing well in every possible way. We've had the normal ups and downs but lately BM has become more and more hostile and manipulative. My fiancé's 4 yr old daughter was riding home with me Saturday night and pipes up with the dreaded "why are my mommy and daddy not married together anymore?". Upon asking her if she knew what married meant, she confirmed she did not but I gathered that she thought it meant when people live in the same house. She then says (in a rehearsed kind of way) "I want you and daddy to be just friends so my mommy and daddy can be married together, but I still want to spend time with you". I immensely appreciated that she loves me enough to still want to spend time with me even if her father and I aren't together...but my heart dropped when she said that b/c it sounds like someone is trying to give her false hope. How can someone do that to their own child?? I could be wrong, maybe this WAS all her...but surely her being four and not even knowing what being married is proves this was something that was told to her, right? She also asked her dad later that night if he remembered when he and her mommy were 'dating'....How do I respond to her when and if she brings this up again? Send her to dad?
P.S. I'm new, excuse my lack of knowledge for abbreviations, etc.
Thanks, I'm fairly new to
Thanks, I'm fairly new to this, having no kids of my own but I've been around kids all my life and four just seems a little young to even have thoughts like this. His 8yr old has never even said anything like that before. I did tell my fiancé and he was instantly pissed, just not sure what to even do about it. I know she will forget about it until its brought up again by *whomever* but I'd like to be prepared if it's brought up to ME specifically.
I feel the same way! My
I feel the same way! My fiancé wants me to take the role as stepmom because his daughter seems to want to call me 'mommy' and she basically treats me like I am if her mom isn't around. I'm a little cautious to accept that because I know how BM will feel about it (which I can't say I necessarily blame her for being jealous in that respect) but to try to turn her daughter against us for that is stupid and immature. I don't have any biological children but I swear I think I'd be thankful that my ex's future spouse treats my kids so well. It's def better than the alternative. But I can see that getting her to appreciate anything we do is a faaaaaar reach.
If she brings it up again,
If she brings it up again, just tell her that her mommy is a mean ol bitch and daddy doesn't like to live with mean ol bitches! Seriously, I would tell her that sometimes mommies and daddys get along better when they don't live together. And tell her "Daddy is happier now than he has been in his whole life, don't you like seeing your daddy so happy"? If she brings up that "mommy is all alone" crap, then tell her God has that special someone for mommy, but she hasn't met him yet. I agree that it sounds like the wicked mom put her up to it, though. Just wait till you get married, it gets even more fun. I like watching my husband's ex get what she's had coming to her. She keeps on screwing people over, too, so she's not done getting hers. Good luck.
She's definitely burning a
She's definitely burning a lot of bridges, getting mixed up with her lies. She makes no sense half the time about what she says because she can't remember from day to day what lies she has told to whom. I like your explanation about God having someone for the BM, etc etc. I may tell my fiancé to use that if she asks again. Thanks for the advice!!
SS13 was 5 when his mom left
SS13 was 5 when his mom left him and his dad, yet when we got married last year, he still cried because he wants his parents together. Mind you his mom is violent and crazy and the only interactions this child has seen between the two of them is her punching him, throwing things in his home, breaking windows, etc, etc.
It's jut natural for kids to want their parents to be together.