Am I really just crazy?
I got diagnosed with severe post-partum depression last week, my psychiatrist told H that he needed to take a week off work to be with me while my meds kicked in, and that he had to start taking on some of the responsibility of being a parent to our DS1m.
Day one of being home goes fine, that night H goes out drinking with a friend, the next day he is too "tired" to help out with DS. Okay, I let it go. That night he goes out and buys a case of beer, asks me to have a drink with him, I have one and only one, H gets wasted again. Next day it's the same story, he's too tired to help out... He goes to bed really early that night. The night after he gets completely wasted by himself. AT this point I am pissed, and bring up that he was supposed to be home to help me, but he hasn't, in fact I've been more or less babysitting HIM on top of taking care of DS.
His response?
Apparently, he had decided not to help out with DS at all this week to "make sure I could do it on my own" before he had to go back to work.
This could make sense, I guess, but the thing that doesn't sit with me is that if he'd really been worried about my ability to do it on my own, why would he get so wasted that he couldn't help even if I needed it?
Anyway, he promises me that the next day we will have a lovely family day together...
Next day comes around, and apparently he is still too tired to do anything and it's too "hot" out...
The next day SS comes over and it's the same temperature as the day before but he wants to go out with SS, I bring the temperature up, H calls me and evil Stepmom in front of SS for bringing it up, then proceeds to take SS out for the entire day because he can't "deal with me"
I am super pissed, but H tells me I have nothing to be pissed about and am just crazy and overreacting, is he right? I feel so vulnerable and confused right now... :?
I should also mention that H couldn't* pay his half of the rent this month because of xyz, but he has money to keep getting wasted?
The weird thing is H almost never drinks normally.
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So, the doc tells him to take
So, the doc tells him to take the week off to help you with the baby that he helped make, because you have severe PPD, and he heard, "Take the week off, get wasted, and relax."
No, you are not crazy nor are you overreacting. He's an ass. And not even a creative ass, with his lame ass excuse of "making sure you could do it on your own".
If this crap keeps up, I'd be tempted to show him just how well I could do it on my own.
I understand not all men are interested in babies but he still has a responsibility to be a parent, whether it's fun or not.
Not crazy! When my first was
Not crazy!
When my first was born my ex was a hands off parent. I was up day and night with a newborn who refused to sleep (later learned she had reflux and formula allergies). This went on for 6 months. I was a walking zombie and miserable (without ppd, can't imagine with it!).
I had many talks with him and practically begged. Nothing worked.
What did work? I reached out to one of his best friends...this friend took ex out for a drink and have him the 'old talk'...as in wtf are you doing talk! Your wife is getting ready to walk out and why wouldn't you want to help with YOUR child.
Of course divorce actually did happen years later but not because he was a bad parent. He is actually a great dad to this day and I am thankful to that friend for helping
Holy shit! My ex wasn't
Holy shit! My ex wasn't present at first cuz I left his nasty cheating ass about 2 weeks before I gave birth to our son ( ANd when I did make the stupid choice to try and work it out for our kid after much begging on his part he still put his stupid video games before the needs of out child-thank God DH has adopted my son at this point and video cheater douche is out of the pic). And my second man(DH) was amazing with our daughter. Then man seriously cant change a shitty diaper without puking in his mouth and he still does/did it! Your DH is a selfish selfish man. With what your going through? Wow....just ...wow
Sorry you're going through
Sorry you're going through this. Is there any family or friend you could go to visit and take the little one with you - even just for a few days or something? I'm wondering if some distance might give you a bit of a break and space. It's such hard work with a newborn, even with support and it sounds like DH, along with contributing nothing in terms of support, is just undermining you and chipping away at what little self-confidence and self-esteem you understandably have left at the moment. PPD is awful - I had it with my first. If it were me I would get away for a little bit if possible, tell DH I need support and that I don't feel like he's giving it to me (a drunk person is never really "there" with you anyway. It's an issue I have with my partner). It might hopefully also make him think about his behaviour a little. If it doesn't, then I guess that's something you'll need to think about and talk through with someone - a therapist like others are suggesting might be good, though with PPD now - as I think they'll tell you - it is not a good time to be making big relationship decisions.
Most importantly, you need time and space and to put yourself first right now anyway, and I know how hard it can be, but if you can then ask for help from friends or family. Even just the company of others was a lift I found with depression, though I found it terribly difficult reaching out to people when I was feeling so low.
Take care. None of this is your fault and you most certainly are not crazy.
From the sounds of it you
From the sounds of it you don't have PP at all, you are just married to an asshole!
Please follow the advice the others have posted and see if there is family you can stay with. Please work with a different counselor/psychiatrist and explain the situation in entirety and see if in fact you were incorrectly diagnosed.
Hugs! I'm sorry that you are going through this.