A little confused with DH and his email just now?????
My DH, who has not spoken to me since last night, after shutting the door on my face and spending "quality time" with his 2 kids has emailed while I am at work, asking me Why, am I being distant , and why am I not looking at him with love anymore????
WTF is this about? He slammed the door on my face and got mad at me for not cleaning or cooking for his 2 kids that are NOT even supposed to be here at our house until therapy had taken place (for his kids), and when they learned to respect me, and my DH.
Why in the world would a man start playing 2 sides of the fence here. The man literally didn't speak with me last night , and god know when he came to bed. Now he is turning the tables on me and making this a "me" issue? I don't get it. Any thoughts on this would be so greatly appreciated. I have yet to write back, because I am mad as hell. I feel like he is being a manipulator now too.
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OMG! notasm, I love your
OMG! notasm, I love your response..I was rolling when I read your reply...
..I think that should have been my reply. I actually never answered him. I sat fuming at work all day over that shit!
LOL
I would email him back and
I would email him back and tell him you can discuss it with him during marriage counseling.
He's definately trying to
He's definately trying to manipulate you. He's trying to put you on the defensive so you'll feel guilty and pick up his slack.
Whatever you do, don't play into his games. He wants you to be maid and nanny and him king of his universe where all think him wonderful and great... :sick:
I've learned that men are
I've learned that men are NEVER going to get it! No matter what you reply to him and no matter what you say, he isn't going to understand so don't even try.
If you have counseling already setup, then I agree with the other poster that you'll talk about it in counseling, otherwise either just ignore the email or I would reply with a very simple, generic email that says something like "I do love you, I don't love your actions".
This is great
This is great justhegirlfriend13. I agree with your statement. No matter what I would write back to him ( and I did not respond) he wouldn't get anyway. I think a new approach with things are in order. I am going to try my best in reaching him. But as I stated in most of my posts, I just feel I am at the end of the rope with DH and the skid's. I think he needs counseling for himself. I just started, but maybe going together as well might help our situation.
Maybe there is something in
Maybe there is something in the air lately. My DH blew up on me over something really stupid and non kid related last week and then last night after we get back from our first kid free weekend in years he gets off the phone with his father and flips out on me for something his father saw on my facebook. I told him I don't know wtf his problem is lately but if hes gonna keep it up he can take his grumpy ass to a hotel or pay for me and the kids to go stay in one along with all the eating out we will have to do. He decided to go whole up in our room...Fine by me. He did come back down and say hey I didn't mean for it to go like that. I said yeah well your father needs to stay out of our relationship. Hes a fucking dumbass anyway and if he feels like he needs to watch my facebook I can simply delete and block him and his wife. Then I look on facebook this morning cuz I honestly had no idea what he and his father were talking about and it turns out its something I posted about camping while we were camping like 3-4 weeks ago. DH and I had already talked calmly about the fact that it wasn't a good idea to do that when we got home that weekend and neither of us has done it since. Mind you my facebook is set to friends only. He calls me on break today and I explained that to him and he remembered what I was talking about. He felt stupid I think. He was like so we fought over something that didn't even happened? I said yeah, stop listening to your idiot father. I would just lay it out for him in facts. If he still doesn't get it maybe he doesn't wanna fight but doesn't wanna take the blame for it either which is childish.....Not much in the way of advice I suppose but Good luck!
Hi Cfmommyof3, I think you
Hi Cfmommyof3,
I think you may be onto something here, LOL. It sure must be something in the air. Is it a full moon out? I am so sorry to hear that you went threw a rough time. It just simply sucks.I thank you so much for sharing your story, I am so sorry you had to go threw that bullshit, but it is helpful to hear what other posters go threw. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one,and as if I am crazy. LOL...Thank you for all your support. Please stay strong as well! Hus to you :):)
^^^^^^THIS!^^^^^^ You have a
^^^^^^THIS!^^^^^^
You have a perfect opportunity to show your vulnerability and get your husband on YOUR side. Take it!!! Be sweet but let him see how much he's hurt you. He's receptive to it because obviously he's mourning the loss of your affection. Put on your halo and take full advantage of it.
I think as soon as you are
I think as soon as you are asking a parent to take a side against their kid you have already lost.
She needs to get her DH to see why the children's behavior is bad for the children if there's any hope of getting him motivated.
Thank you Katielee, I am
Thank you Katielee, I am honestly trying my best. I will put that Halo on, and make it shine, LOL. Thank you so much for all your support! Hugs to you!
RipleyV2, wow , that was the
RipleyV2, wow , that was the most beautiful response! Thank you so much. I truly would love to discuss this issue with DH, and I only wish I could speak as Eloquent and as graceful as your post sounded. I truly hope that DH can see the light. Maybe if I take this approach(again) he just might be able to hear me. The only fear I have is that I have approached him in calm manners before, as well as hostile, and neither actions helped. Maybe in time, and writing a nice letter to him, such as your beautiful letter might help. I really need him to come around and start listening, and start parenting. I am truly at the end of my rope.
It's biology plain and
It's biology plain and simple. He doesn't get as angry as them as you would or stay mad at them as long as you would because they are his flesh and blood, period.
And if you want him to be open to even listening to you, there cannot be even a whiff that you are attacking his babies or all his protective instincts will kick in. Counseling is a good idea, because it's neutral and the counselor can help make it a safe conversation for both of you to have.
He plays both sides of the fence because he loves you all. When he doesn't think you are attacking his kids, he agrees with you regarding their behavior. Then when he sees that the plan is "hurting" his babies, he backs out.
You guys need counseling or you need to get him to come up with the plan.
The main point is that their behavior will never bother him the way it bothers you, ever. If it did, he would have made them fix it years ago. They are who he raised them to be.
He's just agreeing with you now in order to make you happy, not because he really thinks there's anything wrong with them.
Well said Yosemite. I think
Well said Yosemite. I think you hit the nail on the head with your statement. The fact that "he raised them to be"! Amen to that statement. You are correct. I am just baffled at one thing. When I dont even speak about his kids, he is still defensive. And when I say something nice, (which I no longer do, I say nothing at all actually, I let the mess speak for itself, lol ) He still find some way to make it as if I said something wrong about them. I have seen him display this behavior with everyone whom he speaks to about his kids. He complains to his parents, friends, relatives, etc, and he bites everyone's head off, wheather they say something good or bad. I am starting to feel it might be some issue he has internally. I think DH needs some Counseling of his own. Thank you so much for all your thoughts, your input and thoughts are so appreciated.
I agree figthincrazytrain, He
I agree figthincrazytrain, He is for sure anxious about what has taken place, and I am not looking to hurt DH, but I keep leading this horse to water, but he doesn't drink..Then he can go parched for all I care. I have tried so hard, and put so much work into "helping" him and guiding him, but he just doesn’t budge. I just don't feel it’s fair that it’s "my fault" all of a sudden. Or the fact that he has decided to play the old switch-a roo game and now make that issue non-existent, and try and focus on "why I don’t love him BS" he is pulling now. I do need him to come to me in that "meaningful" way. I would really like that. But my DH's glasses are so fogged; I don’t think he can see. Thank you so much for all your support. I really need the help and thoughts on this situation...Hugs to you. Thank you.
Ahhh Yes! wayinovermyhead. I
Ahhh Yes! wayinovermyhead. I agree 100% with this as well. I do believe that my calm demeanor has sent him in a tizzy. He did not expect me to stay cool like I did last night, and didnt expect me to be even cooler when I arrived home from work today. I feel like the cooler I can be, the more I will prevail. And I am not looking to win(well maybe a little, LOL
) But I need him to see what the hell is going on here. I don't think this man gets the severity of the issues here. I am at the end of my rope for sure. With that note, I didn't even entertain his email. Screw that, If he can't talk to me face to face as an adult and discuss our problems then I don't want to discuss it at all with him. So I left the ball in his court. I tried to speak with him before he left for work, but all i got was the "poor me' & puppy dog Bullshit. SO when he's ready to act like an adult, we will talk. LOL
Wow, I can't thank you all
Wow, I can't thank you all enough for such wonderful and useful solutions. Some of your posts made me laugh, some made me cry. But they were ALL perfect. I have so many mixed emotions as to why DH is sending this email. I think it is a little of everything everyone posted here. Please note, he has done this poor me BS before, for similar and different things. I want to in the worst way, to blow my lid right about now. I think in doing so might cause a bigger problem. I see all sides of the fence in all the posts here. I feel that he might be manipulating me, or at the same time as another posters stated, he might just be in desperate need Guildford guidance and guidance with his "parenting". I am truly torn, as I feel that I don't want him to be defensive about his kids. But it is true; he is not following through with our game plan and immediately gets defensive. He is defensive all the time about his kids, and lord knows I have stopped complaining about them, because it’s like talking with a brick wall. I am truly trying to put "my heart" on the line here, and I am trying to understand where and how he is coming from. I guess through all the fog here, I am getting extremely frustrated that he says one thing and does another. On top of the fact that he talked so negatively about them, and how much he hurts from them, yet still does everything for them. I understand, being a parent is not easy. And I am trying to put mymself in his position(thinking about if this was about my BS) but every time I look at it this way I guess I can’t understand how or why he is not taking my lead with the parenting. I have given him all the proof and he still doesn't see whets going on here. Not to mention the havoc it is wrecking on our marriage as we have not one moment alone to even talk these days. And please don’t get me wrong. From the VERY beginning, when the girls met me, up until these past few months, I have run the household as if we were a "nuclear" family. I stopped treating it as so, when I was being disrespected, bullied, lied to, lied about, screamed at, doors slammed, and my BS , and DH were receiving the same treatment from them.
It’s only the tip of the iceberg, and I could write a novel or two about the details and terrible things there’s skid's did to ALL of us. I had felt so bad for his children for so long. They had a terrible home life with BM, and I tried everything I could to make them into better people, and to have a loving home. This failed miserably. After the years of bad mouthing their father, and making lies up about both of us to BM. Then BM making a shit show over DH seeing kids, (because that week she must have been off her meds, LOL) we just gave up.
I whole heartedly see where my DH is at. But I don't respect a person who can’t respect me or our marriage. I have done all I could, including giving these skids extra special time with their dad, etc, and it has always blown up in my face. I feel I have no other outlet, and though I can be tender in speaking to my DH, I need to be firm with him. I can’t go on living like this. It is truly affecting my health. I even went as far as to seek counseling. I am really torn up about all of this. I would love to say all the nasty things about my skid's, and scream and yell at my DH(and lord knows I think they all deserve it) but I feel this is going to get me nowhere. I need him to see the light. And getting him to see this light seems like a task that I no longer have the energy for.
I am truly torn to bits...
LMFAO STepaside! I think that
LMFAO STepaside! I think that says it ALL! Without any doubt I am super sure you are correct with that comment.
I wish he would straighten out his attitudes, LOL .