SS and the "Feelings Doctor"
SS has been seeing the same child therapist since he was 6. SS is 14 now, so that makes it about 8 years that he has been seeing the therapist.
I’ve attended a couple of sessions myself but usually it is just SS and DW who go. I liked going to these sessions because I find the therapist had some pretty good insights and suggestions in the past.
Now when SS was 6, we couldn’t explain to him what a child therapist is, so we just called her “The feelings doctor”. To SS, this was fun time. He would go and play. For example, I remember one session I attended in particular, SS would crumble up some paper into balls and throw it at us.
I was a little unnerved but the therapist said it was okay. “He is unleashing his aggression”.
Oookay.
I’m not a child psychologist, so I just let myself get ricocheted off the head with this volley of paper balls. All to the soundtrack of SS squealing with delight.
The last session with the child therapist was this week and SS asked if BS and BD could tag along. DW said no. SS asked why and DW replied. “Because BS and BD would be too much of a distraction. They will want to play all the time.”
“But I play all the time when I go!” SS replies.
“Come again!?” I said.
SS is 14 now. SS is still throwing paper balls in these sessions with the “Feelings Doctor”.
Urm...Something seems off here, but hey...I’m no child psychologist. If throwing paper balls makes SS open up and give the therapist more insight into how SS’s grey matter works, then great...but OTOH I think SS is old enough to sit down and have a normal meaningful conversation without having to "play".
I dunno.
But the big question I am asking myself is, should SS be finally told what a “feelings doctor” really is?
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Heh! Dealing with SS is a bit
Heh! Dealing with SS is a bit like dealing with those kids touring Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. You cringe at their antics but once in a while the Oompa-Loompas come out to deal his ass back to him.
My feelings on the therapist
My feelings on the therapist is that she was extremelly helpful at one time, but like that milk crate I used to help move into my home, I have no real use for it anymore....
My question would be - why is
My question would be - why is he seeing a psychologist at all? Outside of what appears to be an overprotective mother and hormone issues, he doesn't seem to need to see one.
And any psychologist that allows a child to throw things at their parents, without correction, needs to have their ass handed to them.
If H's kid had done that to
If H's kid had done that to me in a session, I would have given the skid, the therapist and H all a wadded up paper enema.
I'm not going to dispute the
I'm not going to dispute the therapist's methods. Like I said, she did have some very interesting observations and did give SS some tools to help in dealing with his frustrations once upon a time. Kudos to the therapist. She earned her pay. Dealing with her yielded some positive results.
Now?
SS is 14 and both DW and the therapist are treating SS like he is still 6. But a part of me thinks that because SS is severely lacking in maturity, this is the only way to deal with it.
Draco.....if any therapist
Draco.....if any therapist suggests something that makes your gut scream, then dispute it. They don't know everything.
H was taking skid to a therapist. During one session they called H back into the office. Skid had gotten into trouble and was grounded, but wanted to go to a concert with a friend. Therapist suggested negotiating the punishment. Meaning, skid would perform some extra chores to earn the right to go to this concert.
When I was told of this idea, I laughed and said....does anyone understand what punishment is any more?? She is grounded for disobeying. We punish our kids so they will realize their bad choices will lead to a place where they will miss out on events! It's to encourage them not to make bad choices in the future.
No matter....he negotiated anyway. He let her go to the concert and when it came time to collect on her part, she told him no (wasn't smart enough to have her do it before the concert). I looked at him, shrugged and said "This is why we don't negotiate with terrorists or children."
I was asked to the next session because the therapist wanted to know why I thought her idea would fail. I laughed and laughed. I explained I didn't need a degree in psychology to understand only an idiot parent doesn't follow through on their word. Skid broke the rules and was punished, but got her punishment lifted in order to be rewarded for bad behavior. Additionally, it was worked around a time frame where H was forced to allow her to go before she had to fulfill her end of the bargain. She manipulated both of you into believing she would do the right thing.
The therapist looked at me and said she couldn't believe someone without kids would figure this out first. I laughed in her face.
>Draco.....if any therapist
>Draco.....if any therapist suggests something that makes your gut scream, then dispute it. They don't know everything.<
But neither do I!
Well...That was my feeling at the time. I mean, it made *some* sense, but I was under the impression that the idea of making SS play in order to open up was just a simple trick.
But to let him play each and every time? I thought that by now there would be a certain protocol put in place to at least allow SS to open up without treating him like he was Peter Pan.
Maybe I am thinking too much about my time in therapy. After I divorced, I went to see a wonderful woman who gave me some essential tools in order to help me, but she didn't just drop it on my lap, there has to be a bit of an introduction, some talking, some coaxing....you know what I mean?...Simple tools to help you see things more clearly, until eventually I didn't need therapy anymore.
I don't think this therapist is working to get SS to see things more clearly.
I agree with you...if the
I agree with you...if the therapist is continuing to treat your SS as a child, then she is absolutely not helping your SS.
Wow. At 14 there should be
Wow. At 14 there should be some knowledge as to what the "feelings doctor" is and it shouldn't be play time. Time for real discussion IMO.
Truthfully....I think Draco's
Truthfully....I think Draco's wife would benefit from therapy and her need to keep her 14 year old son stuck in a time warp.
Sadly, there is some truth to
Sadly, there is some truth to that. DW could benefit more from therapy than SS at this point. I sometimes think that these therapy sessions are more to appease DW than to help SS.
I was thinking this as well!
I was thinking this as well! After 8 years, SS should have developed enough self-help skills to deal with typical child/teen problems in a mature matter.
But SS still likes to be coddled and DW likes to coddle him. So how much good can this therapist actually do at this point?
My DH was told even with his
My DH was told even with his highly abusive childhood, horrible coping mechanisms, mother abandoning him etc etc, that it would take about a year to undo the damage and learn better ways.
Do you think you could ask your wife what the purpose of the counseling is? What is she trying to achieve for SS? And how will she know when that's been done?
Sounds like a very expensive daycare.
>Sounds like a very expensive
>Sounds like a very expensive daycare.<
Wow! You just put my whole OP into much simpler terms that I could not. Thanks!
Wish I read this before I
Wish I read this before I wrote another response.
After reading through
After reading through everything, if I were in your shoes, I would probably sit my SO down and ask tehm "why do you feel X should continue counseling sessions? What do you see as the goal for these sessions?"
If I didn't receive a logical, viable response, then I would strongly suggest ending the sessions. Unless there is a specific reason for counseling and you're attending to achieve an end result, then you're wasting valuable time and money.
I have also been in counseling, I've had bad counselors and good counselors and excellent counselors. The good and excellent ones want to discuss a a goal. The bad ones will let kids throw paper wads at their parents and explain it away as therapeutic aggression techniques.
Perhaps it is time for a new
Perhaps it is time for a new counselor, one who could start over with step son and have a new perspective. One that might treat him as a teenager not like he is still 8 years old!
It'd be interesting to see
It'd be interesting to see what happened if you'd say, "Do you think that my SS is mentally challenged? Do you have any OTHER clients the same age that still come for play-date counseling?"