DH birthday drama, just venting I guess
Yesterday was DH's birthday. He had to work, so on Sunday I grilled some awesome steaks, etc... But yesterday I still wanted to make/buy something good for him for dinner. He wanted chicken and potato salad, easy enough. I stopped by the store on the way home, picked that up, and some watermelon they had out on display. And a couple of these amazing mini fruit tarts.
He came home from work, took a shower, and we sat down to eat. We were mid conversation when his phone starts ringing. He was going to ignore it, but then someone started pounding on the door. I knew at this point, felt like a rock hit my stomach. Surprise! Skids show up with flowers (??), a balloon, and a couple gift bags. They immediately come in, 'daddy, can I have your watermelon? Daddy, can I have your chicken?' Of course! Who gives a fuck that I worked 13 hours today and it's my dinner! Whatever.
Daddy! We got you a cake too, mommy picked it out, she said its your favorite! Not throwing it straight in the trash was very, very difficult. And what the fuck 9 and 10 year olds buy their dad an expensive electric razor and expensive cologne? So nice to see BM is still birthday shopping for him. Very nice indeed. So I lost my appetite, cleaned up the kitchen while he opened presents and ate ex wife cake. I went to the bedroom with my darling cat. A little while later I looked out to see what they were doing, sitting crammed together on the couch, taking selfies together. I turned right the fuck back around and went back to my room.
They finally left after about an hour. He obviously knew something was bothering me, so I told him. I wasn't mad at him, or even his kids, but I was mad at BM. Mad about her lack of boundaries, disturbed at the gifts she obviously bought, disturbed about the 'favorite cake' she picked out. Disturbed that she just sent his kids over with no warning, even an innocuous call 15 minutes prior with a 'whatcha up to?' by one of his kids would have been nice. I really, really wish we had been in the middle of some freaky sex when they showed up. And what if we had been? To me, showing up at someone's house unannounced is the biggest 'fuck whatever you were doing or had planned, I'm here now!!' He said BM probably orchestrated the whole thing in an attempt to piss me off. Well, it fucking worked.
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Why are you mad at her? Put
Why are you mad at her? Put the blame where it really belongs..... on him.
Think about it.
I don't really see what he
I don't really see what he could have done to prevent/stop it, short of not answering the door when his kids came knocking? He had no idea they were coming.
I have to agree with you.
I have to agree with you. His Birthday, His kids...you were stuck for sure.
I agree with you too. This
I agree with you too. This situation is so full of rocks in hard spots. It's always a power play. I feel bad for you and your husband for being placed in that position.
For BM's birthday last year,
For BM's birthday last year, we got some craft stuff and let the skids make pictures and cards for her. I think we spent like $8, and they had a lot of fun making them. And honestly, I had no desire to be included in the fiasco, I wanted out of there ASAP. I need time to mentally prepare myself to deal with them EOWE, and to have them show up, unannounced, after I worked all day and had been up since 4am? No. Thank. You. Miss Cat and I had some quality cuddle time.
I also know that any discussion he might try to have with her about gifts would be an all out war. HC doesn't even begin to describe this dragon.
Yep, it's times like these
Yep, it's times like these that I wish I had a kitty.
Your DH really should've at least attempted to include you, although I probably would've wanted to escape at that point as well. Men are so emotionally inept most of the time.
I think I would've said
I think I would've said something like, "This is our dinner guys, (and put it aside for the time being), but if you're hungry, I'll gladly get you a snack."
Entitlement is born out of kids getting whatever they want, when they want it. I know it's just food, but you can still teach them manners, like you don't always ask if you can have something that is someone else's...that's just rude.
My SD started doing that all the time, it was so annoying. Anytime she would see me or someone else with something that she liked, she would say' "Ohhhh, can I have it??". That stemmed from her parents and grandparents always giving her whatever they may have had at the time that she decided should be hers.
Exactly. As a kid, (or now,
Exactly. As a kid, (or now, or ever) I would never in a million years have asked to eat someone's dinner! My parents or otherwise. But of course, daddy got them their own plates and indulged. Whatever.
I agree. He was between a
I agree. He was between a rock and hard place. But now to fix the problem.
You or DH needs to tell them that he is always glad to see them and he was so happy and surprised that they came over, but they really need to call first in case one of you are walking around naked or worse. That may embarrass them enough to get some social etiquette and learn to not just drop in.
"And he can call her now but
"And he can call her now but she will just turn it around on how he can't even spare an hour on his birthday for his children bla bla bla"
I'm sure this is exactly what she was fishing for.
I might have to do that. If
I might have to do that. If I tried the bikini line thing it would be deemed inappropriate, but armpit hair... lol
Ha! Awesome!
Ha! Awesome! }:)
They did, so it's *probably*
They did, so it's *probably* not tainted. He did tell me I could toss it or whatever I wanted. I brought it to work today, the guys here will make short work of that thing. I didn't have any of it.
I know, other than the
I know, other than the rudeness of busting in and eating his dinner for him, I can't be mad at them. I'm sure they thought it was a fantastic idea when BM suggested it.
OMG both of you... But I'm
OMG both of you... :sick:
But I'm cracking up, so thanks.
When BM was in the custody
When BM was in the custody battle, the judge told her to get a job to support her kids....BM decided to sell Avon until DSO got custody. The Fathers Day during all of this, the skids bring DSO a FAthers Day gift. Here is your favorite cologne and after shave set Dadddyyyyy....Black Suede. Bag is still sitting in a cabinet after 4 years. I started buying him the locked up kind of cologne after we got together so he smelled good, not like BM stink.
She also obviously bought him an Xmas Gift....a Harley mug. That was when I told him after busting my ass for 9 years to get the skids nice, thoughtful gifts that was the last time. Gift cards or cash or he does the planning and shopping.
WOW, I feel like I just
WOW, I feel like I just re-lived last night, except with MIL inserted into it instead of SD! Reading your post got me all worked up again, but it's always nice to feel like you're not alone...
Yesterday was my FDH's birthday also. I had a party for him last weekend, but was looking forward to us relaxing together for a while last night after having SD for the last three days. That didn't happen because right at the time we were able to sit down together, his mom called. They were on the phone for at least an hour! I ended up going to bed all hurt because I, and only I, was the one to put together the whole party, yet he spends the time we could have together on the phone with her!
Yes, I was upset with HIM for staying on that long, but I also think she could've realized that I might want some time to myself with him.
And, OMG, the food thing! That drives me crazy!! I made a nice dinner for all of us on Sunday and SD started to take almost ALL of the one dish before everyone got some. I simply told her to save some for her dad, who hadn't fixed his plate yet. Well, FDH says, no, she can have whatever she wants - she can eat it all if she wants to. I was like WTF??
I explained to him later that he could have just said to me that it was ok, and she could have his serving, rather than go against what I just said right in front of her. Plus, holy crap, teach her to make sure everyone has had some and if you're still hungry afterwards...eat something else!
Oh man, I'm so sorry, I think I just blog-hogged. But, I can totally commiserate!
Oh man, I'm so sorry, I think
Oh man, I'm so sorry, I think I just blog-hogged. But, I can totally commiserate!
No worries! I've been guilty of it myself.
I hate the exes giving each
I hate the exes giving each other gifts "from the kids". For Xmas this year FDH got "the hangover" from his 4 and 6 year old
WTF? The hangover really? I
WTF? The hangover really? I could see if it was a #1 dad coffee mug or picture frame but clearly that gift was not from them. :sick:
It was probably in the sale
It was probably in the sale bin.
Our BM loves to get something for FDH at the dollar store, and she doesn't even take SD to help pick it out.
My question is, why do it at
My question is, why do it at all? I mean, maybe I'm crossing a boundary, but I get fDH gifts from the kids. So they really don't need to get him The Hangover and Grandma's boy when they're with their mother
Hahahaha, wtf.
Hahahaha, wtf.
OMG this would piss me off.
OMG this would piss me off. It's not the fact that it was his birthday or that the kids wanted to celebrate it. Of course the skids should celebrate the birthday, it would be crappy if they didn't. It's the lack of boundaries and the level of control the BM has in the situation. It's the fact that she feels that she is queen bee and her "surprise" triumphs everything and anything else possibly going on.
There was nothing your DH could really do, if he had appeased you it would have been at the expense of his kids and he appeased his kids at your expense. It sucks, but he probably figured it was for an hour and then you guys could get back to your night. Your frustration and feelings are completely valid, but I don't see any option that your DH really could have done. Going forward, however, he could definitely set some boundaries to prevent surprise visits.
"Mommy said its your favorite
"Mommy said its your favorite cake"
Gag me. BM made a peanut butter cake last year on the exact day of DSOs bday and then SS13 calls and asks him if he wants to come and have some at their house! It's even made with your favorite peanut butter!
Thankfully DSO hates BM even more than I do.
Have DH send BM a nice TY
Have DH send BM a nice TY card... Had to return your items but don't worry got to treat the wife to a beautiful new dress so I can take her to dinner dancing.