It does change
I don't know how it will be for you (general you), but right now, that knot in my tummy has loosened for the first time in 15 years. I've been mostly disengaged for over 5 years and it's paid off. I'm not emotionally affected any longer. DH can make plans with his children, and it's all good. Right now it's just been lunches, maybe it'll be dinner or bowling next, but I just know that I am not bothered, I'm actually happy that he can have his time with his kids and we're all happy. I used to be jealous of time and money spent... now I'm encouraging him to slip a 20.00 into a pocket.
I think it's my emotional adjustment that's enabling him to feel like he isn't 'going against the family' (I'm the family), and now shares the telling of the lunches without feeling guilt or annoyed by me.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is - it can get better. It can.
- TinyDancer's blog
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Comments
You inspire me. It's going
You inspire me. It's going to be 6 yrs 9 months for me. Only 5 1/2 more years for the oldest (worst) one. I love your attitude about it all and I enjoy reading your posts.
Thank you TinyDancer. I
Thank you TinyDancer. I always find myself coming back to this forum when things are really bad for me. It's really easy to feed my already negative feelings so your post means a lot to me.
agree ^^^ same
agree ^^^ same
that's great! DH and I are
that's great! DH and I are at a crossroads right now, where I feel that I need to do what you are doing. Instead of feeling left out or jealous when DH wants to go Turkey hunting with SD or runs to the grocery store with SD, I need to just let it go. Instead of getting pissed about how much money is being spent on SD a month (within reason of course) I need to just let it go.
I have had a recent epiphany that some of the things that my DH does that offend me? Are a direct result of him trying NOT to offend me (not telling me that he bought SD new sneakers, or not telling me that he took SD and a friend to lunch etc) I get pissed because I think he is being sneaky, but the poor guy can't win.. either I get pissed at the spending or I get pissed at the sneaky. I've basically forced his hand. I truly feel bad for doing this to him and am going to try really hard to turn things around.
I hope I can get rid of that knot in my stomach too for the first time in a really long time!
Actually, a huge THANK YOU to
Actually, a huge THANK YOU to you all. Couldn't have done it with out the support here. Seriously. Being able to bitch and moan and know that you all really do understand, priceless. It really helped me to not do it to DH and be able to
redirect MY emotions to a healthy place.
Thank you