So, my guess is FDH wanted to fix things asap so that I would stop disengaging because, why, heaven forbid SD doesn't have someone fawning over her on the weekends? *Shrug*

Friday night he was telling me how he wants to give her consequences for acting like an ass towards me, but, he doesn't want her to hate me or get more mad at me, so he kept suggesting all these ridiculous convoluted ways to give her consequences WITHOUT telling her why she has consequences. :? Maybe I'm just crazy or completely off base here because, you know, I don't have any children of my own (so I obviously know nothing about parenting }:) ) BUUUUT, isn't one of the points of consequences letting the kid know WHY they have the consequences so they can make the association between the consequence and the action or lack of action?

So I said "the only way the consequence will be worthwhile is if she knows that it's because she acted like a complete jerk towards me this week. And if she gets nasty or nastier with me because of it? Then YOU have to be there with additional consequences. If you want this to be effective, you're going to have to let her know why she's getting these things and then be on top of your game in giving her more in the future if she keeps treating me like crap."

He agreed, so, I agreed to have a convo with him and SD the next day. I never should have agreed.

He gave her "consequences" but she still has no clue that they were linked in any way to being an asshole towards me. Because he didn't tell her that they were related in any way. So she just thought she was helping dad out. And then, during the conversation, he made SD and me apologize to each other for this week - EVEN THOUGH I DID NOT NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR TELLING HER NOT TO HURT MY DAMN DOG. EVEN THOUGH I HAD APOLOGIZED - unnecessarily - on TUESDAY! FFS! So CLEARLY he is still stuck in this "it's both their faults" headspace. >:(

And then, while I was out with friends yesterday evening, FDH and SD went out to dinner and he bought her a box of donut holes from the grocery store to bring home. Might sound like that's a no big deal situation but, I have an extreme gluten sensitivity bordering on an allergy. And when SD was here in January, I got EXTREMELY sick because she eats a lot of fake meat products and other foods that have a LOT of gluten in them and the kitchen got cross contaminated. So we banned gluten from our house for my health and well-being.

So, I was and I am really, REALLY hurt over the fact that FDH would let SD bring gluten home with her ever let alone after trying to explain to her that treating me poorly was not and is never OK. But the kicker there is that he didn't just tell me. He didn't pick me up from my outing and say "oh, so you know, I bought SD donut holes. I should have talked it over with you." NOPE, he didn't say anything UNTIL I asked him about what they did for the evening. And when he's telling me he's all "Oh don't worry about it, I have it under control with her." Really, FDH? You have it under control with her? That must be why she treats me like garbage and gets away with it. That must be why, if you ask her to do something that benefits me, she conveniently "forgets."

Most recent example, he asked her to leave the front door unlocked last night since I didn't have a house key and might have been getting a ride from a friend. FDH didn't let me know this, but, thankfully, I didn't have a friend drive me home because SD DIDN'T leave the door unlocked. She "forgot."

So, of course, when I start telling him that I'm upset and hurt by the fact that he would do that, he's all "Oh, it was all me, don't be mad at her. She wanted ONE donut, I got her a package of donuts. Sure, she was all gung-ho to join in but don't be mad at her."

I said. "No, I'm disappointed. In both of you. And I'm allowed to be because not one of you considered ME for a single second in all of this. Not one of you said to the other 'oh, hey, is this REALLY ok? I mean, AtMC might get REALLY sick if these aren't kept properly quarantined from the rest of the food and kitchenware. Maybe it's just too big of a risk." But today? Today I'm mad. At both of them. Because really? My well-being is that little of a deal compared to SD's happiness?