Confronting BM, maybe FH shouldn't??
I've read other blogs that had to deal with confronting their BMs behavior and most opinions are stating that bringing things up to these BMs will make things worse. If no one says anything to them who will? Is it a situation where someone from BMs side needs to give them a reality check? You know how people see things clearer when someone looking in gives their opinion. Should it always be like that? I don't want BM to think she can do whatever she wants. So if FH doesn't tell BM what she's doing is wrong and hurts, does he just let her continue?
Right now the only beef FH has is the "daddy" calling. BM and BMH push SD3 to call BMH daddy. They repeat it all the time and FH can clearly hear it when SD3 talks to them online. I'm not trying to be called mommy, but I told FH if asked BM to give him a valid reason why I can't be called mommy, she wouldn't have any because those reasons would apply to her husband.
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in this case, I think your DH
in this case, I think your DH should say something to BM...no way should that little girl be forced to call her stepdad "daddy"...nope....
FH isn't sitting in front of
FH isn't sitting in front of the screen making faces when they do this, he let's SD3 be when it's BM time with her. He's been holding it all in. So basically, telling them directly how he feels is a waste of time?
What's surprising is that BMs
What's surprising is that BMs family isn't all on her side. The only one who feeds into all of BMs lies is her mom. BM sister easily tells FH her opinion and things she learned about BM. I know, blood is thicker than water, but SD3 is their blood. I think they get that SD3 is not in a good spot. They didn't agree to BM getting married (only BMs mom went to her wedding) and BM has 3 siblings. They started putting things together and caught BM in her lies.
FH only shared things that
FH only shared things that are relevant. Like BM sister was having a party for her son, but it was on a day FH had SD. BM sister texted FH asking why won't he let BM take SD to the party. FH let her know that BM never asked. BM sister took screen shots of their conversation and sent it to FH. BM must not have wanted to go to make up a lie. FH called BM out and BM said she could've sworn she asked him, the. She asked and FH said yes. Another time was when BM family was upset that FH kept SD away from BM for a week. BM actually cried to them and told them this. BM actually asked FH to keep SD for a week because her boyfriend (who's her husband now) was coming to visit for the first time. BM sister confronted FH and FH screen shot the text messages to her and showed her proof that BM was lying.
Set those boundaries.
Set those boundaries.
Yeah. This one is different.
Yeah. This one is different. This definitely needs to be addressed. Any other time, you are right. People have a harder time listening to criticisms from people they dislike and probably won't change until it becomes "their" idea.
Docement it every time and
Docement it every time and talk to your lawyer. Dh telling her to stop hasn't worked, maybe having your lawyer send her lawyer/ them a letter or threatening court would.
I would operate on the
I would operate on the assumption that BM's already aware that FDH doesn't like it and enjoys that fact... and plans to keep on doing it, and hopes to throw it in his face regularly.
So, you and FDH should come up with a stock phrase that you say whenever ANYONE refers to BMH as 'daddy'.
Rags has something good: "I explained that a BioDad was the dad that made him with his mom and that a stepdad was married to his mom. The I explained that a REAL dad was one that worked hard every day to provide a nice place to live, good food to eat, safe cars to ride in, good schools to go to and a safe neighborhood to live in. A REAL dad teaches you to read, write, use the toilet, tie your shoes, ride your bike. A Real dad coaches your sports teams, goes to your school events and your parent teacher conferences and a REAL dad loves you and your mom very much."
So modify what the REAL dad does to what FDH does. And help SD come up with a name she can call BMH.
Then, whenever anyone refers to BMH as daddy, repeat as needed.
Maybe. We all have a
Maybe. We all have a different home dynamic. Notice Rags put in BIOparent, STEPparent, and REALparent. Rags is a custodial stepdad who 100% stepped up (and worked with his wonderful bride) to raise his skid of whom he is insanely proud.
Well BM told FH a longtime
Well BM told FH a longtime ago before she remarried that SD will know who her real dad is and maybe she will call her husband daddy but she will know in her heart who's who. Umm no BM she's only 3, you did not introduce your husband to her as his real name, it was daddy right away and SD was 2 at the time. BM also said that she's not trying to replace FH, but turned around and said that she and her husband are SD3 new family and he's the best man ever. Ok BM...
Wow! It said in the article
Wow! It said in the article "I did was my heart told me to do". When BM got married (very quickly) she told her family "she can't help the way her heart feels".
I do like that explanation.
I do like that explanation.
BM did this DH mentioned to
BM did this DH mentioned to BM that if stepdad could be called Daddy then it was perfectly acceptable for me to be called Mommy. BM went apeshit. It was amusing at least. She also got slammed in court for doing this - big time. But honestly - By the time SD was 10-11 she referred to her stepdad as Him. He lost all his shiny by trying so hard to push DH out of her life.
What did the courts say
What did the courts say exactly?? I really feelike they are trying to push FH out of her life. They poke a lot and say things out loud for FH to hear when they talk to her online. This I know they do on purpose.