letter highlighting all the reasons I should take him back
As some of you well know I've been going through a messy divorce. Just trying to move on with my life but he won't let go. He sent me a letter highlighting all the reasons I should take him back.
1. Love doesn't just fade away
2. He's been diagnosed bipolar so I should understand that wasn't him.
3. The skids miss me
4. He misses me.
5. I'm the only woman he has ever loved
6. He only cheated because he is a sex addict but is getting help.
7. We where so good together.
8. What's the point of living if you can't spend your life with the woman you love.
9. I'm hurting DS in the long run.
10. I will never find anyone that will love me the way he does. I will never be as happy as I was when I was with him.
I do miss the skids. I do miss the good part of my marriage. But I spent most of my marriage stressed and depressed. I deserve better than how he treated me in the end. I'm working on me and I'm much happier now. I get lonley and sad sometimes but the silence is so much better than the screaming matches. I can't get those 3 years back but I can keep moving forward for DS and I.
The one thing that hurts the most is that my mom hasn't talked to me in months. She thinks I should do whatever it takes to save my marriage like my father should have.
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Comments
Glad you're still gone and
Glad you're still gone and won't be going back.
How mean of your mom to make her love dependent on you staying with a man who hurts you.
You'd think if he wasn't such
You'd think if he wasn't such a narcissist, he would have sent a list of ways he is willing to & already starting to change so you would want him back.
Nothing in this 'letter'/'list' says that anything will change if you come back - because it won't.
Staying with him will only show your DS that his father's behavior is acceptable.
STAY STRONG! & how terrible of your mother. You have to do what's best for you & your son & I think you are already doing that.
I replied before reading
I replied before reading comments. I agree completely. my response was much the same!
I did too. Glad to see I'm
I did too. Glad to see I'm seeing the same thing. Keep this letter as highlighting the reasons you WON'T take him back! That thing sure backfired on him. He should have had a girl/woman/female/ or otherwise rational person read it first.
Ignore.
Ignore.
ugh, that just pisses me off.
ugh, that just pisses me off. my ex was a total loser. complete douchebag. he tried the "no one will ever love you like I do" bullshit, too. all I could think was if this is love, I sure as hell hope no one else loves me like you do!
your dh is guilt tripping you. he's laying out all the reasons for HIM that he doesn't want you to go. not once did he highlight anything beneficial for you. unless you count that ridiculous bullshit about no one else loving you like him. they fucking wish we wouldn't be happy with anyone else, but....I AM!
my ex pulled the suicide
my ex pulled the suicide card, too. sorry fuckface, I'm not responsible for you choosing to end your life if that's what you do. I let him know that I would not be manipulated like that and I would not feel one bit guilty if he actually went thru with it. well the bastard is still sucking air that he doesn't deserve, and I knew all along it was bullshit. a few years later he was facing jail for not being willing to work and pay cs and tried to get mommy to pay his arrearages. she called me and asked what she should do, she told him no and he said "now I can see why so many men just end themselves over this". first of all, are you seriously suggesting that death is better than fucking getting a job and being responsible? :jawdrop: second, I have never heard of anyone committing suicide over cs. are you serious? :O I told her no, she should not pay it and that he is trying to scare her into doing it and that he has no intentions of killing himself. he was emotionally abusing her. she didn't pay it, either. oh, but I'm a money hungry bitch. yeah, that's why when your mom asked ME if she should pay YOUR cs that would go directly to ME, I told her NO. yup, that's a real money hungry bitch move right there! damn idiot.
I had a boyfriend stick his
I had a boyfriend stick his head back through my backdoor after the final boot saying, "You'll never find anyone who will understand you like I do". He was a psychologist. Total know it all.
This list is very centered on
This list is very centered on him. What about your feelings? He's self centered bordering on the dangerous. You're making the right decision.
Edit: I love my kids unconditionally, even if they make decisions I don't agree with. I can see why you stayed with him so long- he's like your mother. You don't need either one of them.
Hopefully he's right that no
Hopefully he's right that no one will love you like he does, hopefully you will find someone who will love you fully and maturely, not manipulative or abusive.
Thanks steptalk family. In
Thanks steptalk family. In the past I would have fell for this and ran back some time ago but now I am stronger. If he's done anything for me its give me the stregnth I never knew I had. He can take his letter and eat it. I'm not responding to it. I hope my mother can accept my choice some day.
word of advice about your
word of advice about your mom- here's what helped me.
dont worry about acceptance, or hold out hope. i'm not saying give up either, but to use the tired saying "it is what it is". what it is, is a lifestyle choice. you made your choice that had nothing to do with her. YOUR choice. within the bounds of YOUR moral code, YOU made an adult choice to leave an abusive relationship.
ok, then she made HER choice. in her moral code she does not condone those reasons for divorce and chooses not to associate with those who do. ok, whatever, HER choice.
those two moral codes are not compatible. so- it is what it is.
i went through the same thing. i love my parents dearly. they raised me to have a strong backbone. but as i got older and grew into my own, it became apparent that our moral fibers are polar opposites on a major issue. i can look fondly on past memories, but have no desire to create future ones. i did go through a grieving process, but now? it's done. it's as if they died, and to them it's as if i died. and both parties are at peace with it.
grieve if you need to. but stick with your choice because that is YOUR life. take care of yourself doll.
Don't do it darling! I agree
Don't do it darling! I agree with the rest of the comments. You don't need his crap! Love yourself first!
I'm glad you're moving on. He
I'm glad you're moving on. He doesn't deserve you.
Wow, I'm so sorry about what
Wow, I'm so sorry about what your mom has said and done. Good for you for standing your ground.
He is bipolar and a sex
He is bipolar and a sex addict, and along with him come all the stresses of being a stepmum. Right there are 3 enormous reasons not to give him another chance. You do not need or want to be someone else's support system and punching bag. He is far more focussed on his needs than on you, even as he tries to get you back. His whole letter amounts to 'poor me' and is an attempt to emotionally blackmail you. While its tempting to believe in his undying love it is far more likely that most of what he says and thinks is motivated by panic. Honestly I have been where you are, I split from my partner because of his erratic hurtful behaviour, then after a few months he did the humble apologies, the revelation (he was an alcoholic from an abusive childhood) and the commitments to change, and the declarations of love. He meant it all, which is why I fell for it, but after we married and had a baby the problems resurfaced at intervals. What I learnt is don't take someone back on the promise of change. If they are able to change they should fix themselves BEFORE they ask someone to give them another chance. And recognise that someone with deep seated problems may never be able to address them sufficiently to make them a viable life partner. You deserve someone who is an equal, not a basket case of problems, love is not enough to make a relationship work.
Stay strong! Remember all the
Stay strong! Remember all the reasons why you are where you are now. Not because of you but because of his issues. (((HUGS)))
He hasn't changed a bit. Your
He hasn't changed a bit. Your mom? She is a sorry excuse of a mother. Reminds me of some of the psycho BMs we have to deal with who is more concerned with her own fee-fees than with the well being of her daughter!
He certainly has a big ol'
He certainly has a big ol' ego, that's for sure.
OM, It's all coming from his
OM, It's all coming from his point of view! What will I do? That wasn't me? My kids miss you? We look great together? He needs to stay married to himself.
Well with his list reasons
Well with his list reasons for you to come back, it appears to be all about him. Sorry but I don't see one good reason for you to go back nor does he have anything to offer you. Sex addict or not, it was his choice to cheat and prove that he doesn't use self control. You are better then that, you deserve better treatment then that, and I feel that your mom is way out of line.
If my mom told me what yours did, I'd suggest to her to get counseling for her issues that she didn't deal with or she can have him if she thinks he is worth hanging onto. I'm sorry that you had to go through that and please don't listen to your mom with her warped advise on this.
You have to look out for you and your son or no one else will. Stay strong and keep standing your ground, you can do it.
Thank you starla
Thank you starla