Xanax time

1 1/2 hour birthday dinner for my DH that I arranged with his family... In public. With his insane parents. First time I have seen his dad since he hit me with his hat on 1/14 during a meeting we has to discuss their inappropriate behavior with kids (asking them to keep secrets) then I had stroke 1/16 from stress.

Both spoke 1 sentence each to me.

FIL: "So you really think you had a stroke?"
Me: "Two doctors confirmed that is what I had, a ischemic stroke, due to stress. It's not what I think."
(End of conversation)

MIL: "I hope you feel better soon."
Me: "The doctors say it'll be 18 months until I feel somewhat back to normal, but thank you. This is my new normal now."
(End of conversation)

I thanked them for coming & buying the dinner.

Ass holes.

My husband asked "So you just clam up around my parents now huh?"
Me: (blink. blink.) "Your dad hit me. I had a stroke less than 36 hours later, due to stress. I have PTSD from being in an abusive marriage for 15 years. Your parents know this. Your dad hit me. The fact that I arranged this birthday dinner shows that I am willing to forgive & move forward. I am wearing a fucking diaper. I am not willing to be chatty. I'm willing to eat with them in public, on your birthday, on their dime & not be questioned about it. Mmmmkay?"

Xanax time. Dear heavens. My heart rate is 124.

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Comments

I'm so mad at you Husb and

I'm so mad at you Husb and his parents. Love how he's trying to pin you as the problem. :sick:

DH has been supportive & is

DH has been supportive & is fine if we never see them again. I think he was shocked bc as you can see, I'm a wordy person... & I pretty much bit his head off at saying I'm going to clam up. Hell yeah I'm gunna clam up. Eekkk since the stroke I'm a bit short tempered. Ugh. But I still try to do what's right. I invited the assholes. Ugh. That may be the last invite. Who wants to have a damn stroke questioned? Maybe I shoulda pulled my diaper outa my purse & excused myself, saying it was time to change my didy. Sheesh. What jerks.

He came up from behind me &

He came up from behind me & hit me with his hat, in anger. Like a country bumpkin. It didn't hurt, but it scared the crap out of me. He is morbidly obese. 550 lbs easy. I'm 120 lbs. all I could see was his arm come above my head & the hat hit my shoulder & then it hit the table. It made a loud sound. I went into hysterics. He was in a rage yelling & throwing a gorilla tantrum.

Thank you.

He says that. But then was so

He says that. But then was so happy I made the dinner plans. I know it would hurt him to walk away. His dad being so heavy isn't going to live long.

I know what you are saying though. After this, why bother. They can't even show common empathy. I walk slow, I've lost 15 lbs (that happened in one week!) I got all my hair cut bc it started falling out. I look gaunt. I have slow speech & get confused easily, I lost hearing in one ear, partial vision in one eye & they are still rude as I sit there in a diaper. Well I'm writing them a fucking thank you card today. Assholes. I write one card a day to practice handwriting & damn it this was on my schedule for my writing. Son of a bitch. Ok. It's awfully early for me to be this pissed off. Eh. I thought I'd be a bit settled down. I'm not.

I just woke up. I have to wake up early bc I have paralysis in my hand, arm & face in the morning... It wears off into numbness within 30-45 min. But I had a bad dream. So I woke up panicked & crying which is pretty standard since my FIL hit me.

Yes I'm in counseling. It's the PTSD. It's rare I don't wake up in the night or in the morning upset. It just takes me a bit to get myself together. Ugh. I hate it tho.

Too soon to see them. I'll never get an apology. The day of the stroke I did text MIL saying that I blamed FIL gorilla tantrum for the stroke. She reads him all the texts. He hasn't spoke or seen me, last night was first. He doesn't say sorry. He questions me on if I think that's what it is. Asshole.