How would you cope!!??
When DH & BM separated, BM moved 6 hours away to her hometown and took SS with her. IT was agreed they would share custody until he started school, then his primary res would be with her and DH has "open and fair access to SS". SS plays sports in the community he moved to and BM wants to believe it's half of DH's responsibility to take SS to these sports practices.
To be clear, DH LOVES his time with SS. With the shared custody, we get SS every other weekend as he is in school Mon-Fri. During these weekends, we happily meet halfway and take SS home. Recently, SS's practices have been rescheduled to Saturday mornings at 7am. I KNOW BM doesn't want to go to these practices because she'd rather sleep in!!
Her tiny brain has decided that it should be up to us to take him to these practices as it's "shared responsiblity" and she expects us to follow suit. But here's the thing!! Every time we are expected to go to her city, it costs us fuel, hotel, meals, everything! Basically we are supposed to just happily agree to this shit. It doesn't make sense when we don't give any kind of grief when it comes to taking the kid home, we just don't want it to cost us an arm and a leg every time it's "our" weekend.
And personally, BM cheated & left DH - chose to move away to be closer to the man she was banging. How is that our problem now? She left the community that his family is in, and yet we have to suffer because she chose to move?
Any advice would be appreciated!!
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Yikes in any other
Yikes in any other situation/scenario, BM would be in charge of all transportation because she is the one that moved away. Its great that DH is still able to exercise his visitation and is trying to be involved but 6hrs away?? That's rough. We have a lot of trouble at only 1hr away.
Is there a CO?
I understand DH doesn't want SS to miss out on his activities, but things that take place on his weekends are up to Dh if he decides to take SS to them or not. I understand meals out but I draw the line when you need to get a hotel! You personally will get REALLY sick of not being able to be home (probably your only time off work?) and at a hotel EOW!
I'm assuming "CO" means
I'm assuming "CO" means custody order? Sorry - not quite familair with the lingo yet...
Their custody agreement was outlined in the divorce and separation agreement. That DH has free and equal access, and that BM's hometown is his primary residence. HOWEVER. DH has gone above and beyond his legal requirements in order to keep BM happy. She can be kinda crazy and say shit like "daddy doesn't want to see you" if something comes up where we can't meet for the weekend (inclement weather, problems in scheduling, etc). He always does his best to accomodate her so as she doesn't start shit. (You can't fight crazy)
As for me? I'm exhausted from the travel and spending my two days off in a hotel room. Not a choice scenario. We are blessed in that we both do well financially and the costs aren't a struggle, but they are a huge annoyance! BM thinks because of the financial situation she can abuse our position and expect us to make all the effort. It's not our fault BM doesn't have an education and doesn't have the abilities to make a life for herself. She relies on CS to pay her bills, DH pays all rec fees, day care costs, medical expenses, even fills her tank when we meet for exchanges.
Oh hell to the no stop the
Oh hell to the no stop the train. PAYS FOR HER GAS?? WTF?
Id stop attending these weekends first of all. My DH always pushes me to go with him (1hr drive and then spend the day out since SD doesn't come to our house for overnights) and damn it gets old quick!
BM will always talk shit to the kids, that's what they do. How much does he pay in CS?
I think if hes going to continue EOWd, she needs to at least drive half way both times or bring him to you and you can take him back.
Oh Sonja. He pays a
Oh Sonja. He pays a ridiculous amount of child support. For ONE kid. It's more than double of any amount of CS I've heard being paid...
I told him last night I won't be attending the next weekend we spend with him (the 24th) because I don't think travelling to be with someone else's kid, being stink-eyed by BM and paying our own way to be in a city I don't want to be sounds like a good time!!
6 hours away? that is absurd
6 hours away? that is absurd and sounds like BM is just trying to cause trouble. Come on, what person in their right mind would think this possible??
Could she be setting your DH up here? Trying to make him look bad for a future court battle?
In the CO does it stipulate
In the CO does it stipulate anything about paying for or providing for these types of activities? In my DH’s CO it states that any activity has to be agreed upon for BM to receive any funds or help from DH for that activity. SD13 did dance; DH didn’t agree to it, BM just put her in it. Therefore, he was not legally obligated to pay for anything, provide transportation, nothing. However, we did help out when we were able to.
CO states medical expenses to
CO states medical expenses to be shared. That's it. But there's always an excuse with BM as to why she doesn't have the $ and DH is too sack-less to call her out. I finally placed SS on my benefits package thru work, it's less hassle and he gets 80% coverage.
As for activities, there are no stipulations placed and BM basically enrolls SS and sends us a bill. If DH didn't pay, SS wouldn't participate in anything, as BM is p/t employed in the service industry and can barely support herself. (At the time of divorce she grossed $18k in wages for a yr.) I'm not judging, but if I had a kid - I'd be doing a hell of a lot more to better myself than sit back with my fucking hand out!!!!
Then have your DH only pay
Then have your DH only pay for one thing he agrees on. One that doesn’t have him driving out of his way to bring him to practice for. If you DH just stops paying then BM can’t keep him in it.
At $18k and child support is
At $18k and child support is survivable. She is being a bitch at her best. Sounds like she is trying to string you two alone. She needs to pay for her own damn gas... It is her problem she moved 6hrs away some of the weekends could be cut out too. I been through this crap in the early years . It becomes a Financial pain, hotels, out to eat,,when that came to a stop in the early years she started to file BS in the courts to drag us up every other month... My guess she is trying to hit y'all in the pockets in hopes for a split. Financial problems is one of those things on the list that usually splits a marriage. It seems a lot of BM's has this plan being part of their Arsenal
I think a trip back to court
I think a trip back to court is in order. In this circumstance I think that BM needs to be told not to schedule any activities that hinder your DH's visitation time.
Thank you all so much. When
Thank you all so much. When it comes down to it, whenever he tries to state his case that it's somewhat inconvenient - she plays the "BAD DAD" card. I want to stay out of it, but it's my relationship right!? This stupid bitch needs to pull her head out of her ass and quit being the victim.
I appreciate all your support.
she plays the "BAD DAD"
she plays the "BAD DAD" card
This is BM2. And you know why they do it? Because it works. Look how upset your DH gets, look how you two are running ragged driving all over hell's creation, paying all kinds of "extra" stuff you don't have to etc. Thankfully my DH has recently had an awaking and has stopped letting BM use this guilt trip.. which she just did 2 weeks ago. She text DH and wanted him to basically jump up and run and get SS14 because SHE had somewhere to be that apparently SS didn't want to go. When DH told her no that we had plans her exact words were. "whatever, I don't care, you're just hurting SS14 not me" Now the "old" DH would have pitched a bit of a bitch, but would have run out and picked SS up so as not to be a "bad dad" The "new improved" DH? Stuck to his guns.
The problem I'm faced with is
The problem I'm faced with is that it completely affects OUR relationship. Whether BM realizes that, I don't care, because my issue is with DH getting it thru his head. I'm tired of being the bad guy, and taking all this shit because I try and point out the obvious. I've explained how it feels like he is still married to her because he treats her like his wife (with her obligations and meeting her demands)more than he treats me like a wife. Part of me hopes it will get better..... but a lot of me thinks it won't? Advice?