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Oh I want to scream sometimes!

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I have read many blogs on this site and I know I am not alone in feeling that BM has way too much influence in my household. Usually, I am able to deal with it, but tonight, I completely unloaded on DF. A little history on my situation first: DF and I both have kids. My kids are with u 50% of the time. His kids live in another state and spend summers, holidays, and spring break with us. We also travel to their home state and spend time with them 4 times a year. I definitely understand and encourage DF to have a relationship with his kids. And truthfully, I like both of my SDs even though the YSD7 is a problem sometimes. However, I cannot stand their BM. I have known her for years, as I was friends with DF for a long time before we ever dated. Their BM is one of those crazy women who believes that their dad shouldn't have any time with them. Because DF doesn't see his kids a lot, he tries to talk to them on the phone every day or so. However, BM has made it her mission to make this difficult.

Here is the problem: DF will call his kids and BM never answers the phone. It is so frustrating b/c she will send him a text saying "I'm doing this or that, and will have girls call you in a few." This is an every day thing. Half the time, they don't call back. And the rest of the time, she will have them call back in 2 or 3 hours, sometimes as late as 10 or 11 at night!! So DF is terrified to miss a call b/c if he doesn't answer, she won't let him talk to the kids. So no matter what we are doing, he stops to answer his phone: And it just seems like she always calls during dinner or something else! She never has them call back during the time he sets aside to talk to them. Its gotten so bad that he has even gotten up to answer the call during our "alone time"! And I try not to be selfish but I am so freaking tired of it! Tonight, it came to a head b/c they called back 3 hours later while DF and I were in the car. He had dropped his phone on the floorboard and was bending down trying to get it while driving andr almost got us killed!!! That was it. I lost it with him. I know its not his fault but geez, I feel like she purposely does this shit. And of course, now I feel bad for yelling at him. I know he is right. We asked for a set time he could talk to the kids when we went back to court to get a new CO but the judge said he would just leave it open that he could talk to them everyday. So it seems like we are forever cursed to deal with this. BM keeps saying we should get the SDs a cell phone so they can talk to us even when she is not home, but that is not going to happen. DF and I both know that is her attempt to get him to pay for her to have a new cellphone.
Okay, I am done ranting. I just needed to get that out. Maybe I am the crazy one. I know I only have to be a SM a few times a year. And I want my DF to speak with his kids. But I have to wonder, when is it ever going to stop?

Comments

simifan's picture

Wow. The first time DH got up from alone time to answer the phone, would be the last time he got alone time for quite some time.

You can't stop what BM does but you guys need some house rules. I realize he wants to talk to his kids, but some of this is ridiculous.

snowdrop's picture

Our custody order provides a specific time for calls. I think that's obviously better. However, since his custody decree does not seem to have that, maybe he could ask BM when good times to call are? Daily calls is a bit excessive I think, it truly can be disruptive for the kids routines. But maybe BM would be more cooperative if there was an agreed upon time of day and specific days of the week for him to call?

Has he asked her? "BM, I'd like to talk to skids at least 3x a week. I've noticed that when I call you all seem to be busy. I Don't want to interrupt homework time, dinner time, or anything like that. Are there certain times of the day, and days of the week that would be better for me to call than others? I was thinking Sunday, Wednesday and Friday at 7:30 pm since that's right before bedtime, hopefully the kids would be available and able to talk for a few minutes. I know there may be times that skids aren't available and that's ok, but I Think it might make it easier for all of us if we set up more of a schedule for the calls, don't you?"

I Think he just needs to talk with her about it. I'm sure it's also annoying to her to have her cell phone ring when they are doing something special with the kids, or when she's out with her boyfriend or whatever. This way everyone knows what to expect. Good luck! Your DH has gotta do something about this!!! How awful for him to stop EVERYTHING for these dang calls!

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

We have tried to talk to her about it and her response is that he should be lucky to talk to the kids at all. He agrees that daily calls are excessive (I didn't know this until we talked about it today). He said he calls the kids daily b/c he only talks to them about one out of three days that he calls. BM has this idea that he is an unimportant part of the girls life. When we went back to court, we asked for a specific day and time for call. BM told the judge it was unnecessary b/c DF could call and speak with the kids at any time. It was very frustrating that the judge decided to just leave it open. We will see what happens. I told him this can't continue.