2nd contact with SS20 from jail, and cleaned out his apartment
SS called DH this morning. I wouldn't have known except I went in to tell him I was taking DD11 to school, and he was on the phone with SS20.
When I got back, it was like pulling teeth to get info out of DH about what they talked about. Supposedly just wanted to know if DH got the video chat request, and get SD22's phone number and email address so he can talk to her too. DH says "he doesn't sound like he's going through withdrawals". I told him it's probably why we didn't hear from him the first 4-5 days he was in there, he was too shaky and/or sick! I don't know meth withdrawal symptoms but that would be my guess.
This afternoon, we had to go to SS's apartment and clean out his shit. I'm so glad we did, now DH KNOWS that SS was doing drugs, can't deny it, can't even begin to think SS is telling him the truth when he says "I've only done pot". There were needles, bent spoons, razor blades, butane bottles, zippo lighters, glass pipes, homemade bongs, and broken pipes ALL over the place. It was so filthy disgusting, we threw a lot of shit out. DH took pics of the needles and stuff to send to SS's mom.
SS's roommate did tell me a lot of things that I haven't told DH yet, and don't know if I will. Like the fact that SS is gay, and his roommate caught him with all kinds of dirty men all the time.
DH and I got in a huge fight about a bike that SS's roommate said was SS's. Neither of us knew where this bike came from, so of course my first thought was that it was stolen. It is a REALLY REALLY REALLY nice road bike. Roommate said that SS told him his mom bought it for him, for his bday, from Walmart. Of course my first thought is going to be "I don't want stolen property at my house". DH of course thought I was being "fucking ridiculous" that I automatically assume it's stolen. After a call to SS's mom, she confirmed she did buy him a red bike. Wether it's this same bike, I don't know. But whatever, I've told both my mom and oldest sister my thoughts so if it turns out to be stolen, it's all on DH.
Seeing all the paraphernalia really hit home with DH, hopefully enough that he knows he can't believe anything else SS tells him. Only time will tell.
I came from a very sheltered home, never have had to deal with hardcore drugs in all my 36 years. Hell, I didn't even really know what pot was, looked like, smelled like or anything about it until I was 26. Seeing all the stuff we found at SS's apartment really has me freaked out. That to me is the stuff that real nightmares are made of. Called me sheltered, call me naive, call me a goody two shoes...call me whatever you want! I never thought I'd have to deal with this kind of situation, ever! And I definitely never wanted to!
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"SS's roommate did tell me a
"SS's roommate did tell me a lot of things that I haven't told DH yet, and don't know if I will."
I'm not sure you should keep what you learned from your DH. Not in a shove it out their in a judgmental way, but because of the drugs use (needles) and sexual choices this young man needs to be tested for HIV/Aids. I'm not sure if county jails do mandatory testing (at least some state prisons do). If SS has been having sex with strays off the street and/or sharing dirty needles this young man needs tested for his own plus other's protection.
I agree with this ^^^ Also I
I agree with this ^^^
Also I wanted to make mention that your DH was probably getting snippy with you not so much about the bike but probably because of what he just saw of his own son. When my DH learned what our SD was doing (who also claimed she was only using pot) he got real snippy at times with me too. Its the hurt and betrayal they feel.
I am sorry you had to see all this and your DH. I know what it feels like to find out that a person you love is doing this type of thing. I haven't read any of your blogs but I can relate in this one. Also, I am sure the withdrawals were happening during those first days that you guys did not hear from him. I don't know what he is in jail for an how long but hopefully long enough to clean him up.
He's currently in for Meth,
He's currently in for Meth, but hasn't been sentenced yet. Should find out Monday what/how long he gets. But I do agree, hopefully for long enough to get him clean, and then get him help when he gets out. Drug programs, counseling, etc.
duplicate
duplicate
Oh I definitely told him the
Oh I definitely told him the part about SS20 sleeping around, and should get tested for everything when he gets out...I just left out the "your son was sleeping with other boys" part. He'll come out when he's ready, but DH agrees that SS should tested for diseases when he gets out.
And I'm sure you're right, DH getting snippy is because of the feelings he's dealing with but it doesn't make it any easier to have him say the things he's saying to me. I try to remind myself it isn't personal but I told DH that I refuse to be afraid to speak my mind about any of this, because this is affecting my life too damnit!
Yeah it is affecting your
Yeah it is affecting your life too, I agree, I walked it before. Its not easy and personally I think its harder being the step parent. He needs to stand unified with you as his wife. My DH did, at the very first he wasn't because he didn't want to believe it. One night when ours attacked a cop, he started to see the stuff that was going on. He saw her go from a beautiful healthy young teen to a slob who we had to make take showers. It wasn't easy. My heart goes out to you in all this mess. I get why you are waiting for him to come out of the closet on his own. He is an adult and that is his choice. Glad your DH is on the agreement that he should get tested when he is out.
Oh and on the bike, always go
Oh and on the bike, always go with your gut. I would see new stuff show up in my SDs room that I know she didn't buy. She didn't have a job. She once gave me a beautiful necklace that I knew was expensive and my gut said she stole it. I couldn't prove it. I never wore it though as beautiful as it was. I just couldn't.
Oh I agree, not disputing
Oh I agree, not disputing that at all. That's why I didn't tell DH who he was sleeping with. He already has enough to deal with but SS needs to be tested for his own safety/health.