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Im leaving the site

theoutsider's picture

Submitted by theoutsider on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 1:42pm

At the request of my therapist.

I am supposed to say goodbye as closure because this site has been so much of my life for the last few months. I've ben checking out daily, posting constantly, but not connecting

She said annonymous support is not what I need, I've got to plug in locally and build actual relationships with people who can support my whole situation.

She said she recommends this in all situations, building a support network with others who can identify, support and holds accountability... Which she says I can't fully get in an online situation.

Social networking has altered our acceptance of what a "friend" means, and what I need now are friends, not annonymous words hearing half of what is going on. And giving advice without holding me accountable.

I appreciate the commentary on my life, and I did think some was helpful. but I will be moving on and hopefully getting more elsewhere. Thank you.

Comments

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 1:47pm

Best of luck...Check back in from time to time. As with anything, moderation is best. Steptalk saved my marriage and my sanity, but it has never replaced real live people in my life and their feedback and support. You can take her advice, but find a balance that works for you.

AlreadyGone's picture

Submitted by AlreadyGone on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 1:48pm

Sad to see you go but, wishing you all the best as you begin down your new path of life. Smile

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 1:55pm

I understand you need real life support, do you have that? Does the therapist know of a support group or something for you?

Many of us don't have that network in our lives and this is all we have. I hope you find happiness in your life.

itsmylifetoo's picture

Submitted by itsmylifetoo on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 2:41pm

^^^^This I agree with...not any therapist will be able to offer great advice for blended families. We have a lot of training in Masters program in family system dynamics...DOES NOT APPLY TO BLENDED FAMILIES. A lot of additional training needs to be sought out by therapists who will be working with blended families, lived experience makes them even better. Its a specialty for sure. I work in community mental health, so I see that I get realistic feedback from my co-workers, our work is so diverse, challenging, and problematic. But a therapist who has not REALLY worked in the community with people who are REALLY struggling, tends to have rose colored glasses and will push divorced families to interact more as a nuclear family - not healthy IMO.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 3:41pm

I agree, and I'ma therapist! If you haven't been there, sorry, you just don't get it. And a lot of therapists that I know have never been step parents.

JennSunnySideUp's picture

Submitted by JennSunnySideUp on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 1:59pm

:O **HUGS** I hope this works for you!!

Come back if it doesn't work for you, or if it does, you can be a success story! Just let us know how you are eventually.

new to this's picture

Submitted by new to this on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 2:08pm

When I first found steptalk I was on it too much, it hurt my relationship with my DH. I don't blame anyone here by no means. I was relating everyone's kids to my skid and thinking that my skid was/did everything that every one else's skid did. I had to back off a little. That was early in my turmoil of being a stepparent too. SM is a process that takes getting used to and learning what works for you may not work for others.

I am glad that you have a therapist and I wish you the very best. This is hard, very hard.

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 3:12pm

I disagree with your counselor however I could be wrong. Best of luck to you and know that you will be missed here.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 3:24pm

I do have to say, I've made a few cyber friends on here and they have and still do call me out when I miss the mark.

Nice to see you back on here again, by the way. Smile

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 3:34pm

Really because my therapist recommended the opposite actually. With that beint said I did censor the amount of time here back when sd was living here. i found it easier mentally to not read everyones negative life posts every day. But i also reached out to some steppers individually and have created a much smaller support group. i will be meeting up with them for a girls weekend right after the first of the year. find people here you connect with get on the phone, text and pm and build your own smaller group.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 10/31/2013 - 3:29am

I totally agree with Dtzy. I used to be a relationship counsellor myself, and believe me, most counsellors know zero about dealing with step family situations. And good counsellors are quite rare. A lot of them give advice just because it's what they think, personally. Not based on any accepted body of knowledge. Trust yourself first, is my advice.