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I Give Up.

FMSL's picture

Submitted by FMSL on Thu, 10/10/2013 - 10:55am

Completely. I give up. For 5 yrs, I've been trying to teach, help, inspire this rotten SD10 but I'm at the point of completely letting go and disengaging. Having her full time for the past 5 yrs with only 3 or 4 attempts of contact from BM, I'm the one who sat for hours with her teaching her how to read, write, paint, and clean. Well, suddenly SD decides to dismiss every bit of help I offer. She will ask me a question and as I start to answer, she rolls her eyes and walks away! Also, she suddenly forgot all the things I've done to raise her spoiled ass full time (while BM if off free, dating, and probably trying to get pregnant with another illegitimate) Then, DH told her she is responsible for putting her own trash in the garbage and cleaning her own messes. (BIG expectation for an almost 11 yr old...SMH) Since I can't stand a messy house, I usually just clean SD's gross shit while she's at school. Lately, I started leaving her trash and let it build. Of course, NO ONE NOTICED! Except me, since I'm the one home all day.

I told DH I quit cleaning SD's trash to see if she would notice and take the initiative to do it. DH tells me I'm trying to "Entrap" her! I'm pretty damn sure the definition of entrapment is to trick someone into doing the WRONG thing. If anything, I was trying to "trick" SD into doing the RIGHT thing! Fuck 'em. I give up. I'll keep cleaning her shit for my own sake and let her grow up to be a jerk-ass who no one will want to be around. I'm not putting any more effort into teaching and grooming a resistant jerk into a good strong character. I don't give a rat's ass how she turns out as an adult. Other than the poor man who ever gets involved with her! BTW, my BDs never had these problems.

We tell our Bios to clean and they might not like it but they don't treat you like a stranger and a monster just for doing what a mom is supposed to do.

Comments

NotMyProblemAnymore's picture

Submitted by NotMyProblemAnymore on Thu, 10/10/2013 - 11:25am

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. You've done more than enough to help raise someone else's child. I am in a similar position, helping DH raise SD8 for past 4 years (full time) with nothing to show for it. They never appreciate it and as soon as you refuse to do one thing, all your past efforts are quickly forgotten.

Good for you for putting your foot down and disengaging. The response from your DH is typical. Entrapment my ass! I wouldn't personally announce what I was doing to DH, because they tend to get defensive of their darling brats. I would just slowly stop doing it and IF DH asks why her room is so messy or why there is trash everywhere, just say "Yeah I was wondering the same thing. I figured SD would of thrown out her own trash by now. Hmm, I wonder why she didn't" and walk away.

And if there are other chores you would like SD to do around the house like load the dish washer or do her OWN damn laundry (that you're sick of doing for her), just randomly bring them up to DH by saying "Do you think SD is old enough to do xyz? What do you think?" Let it sink in that she IS old enough and it'll seem like HIS idea. If he replies, "yeah she's probably old enough," make sure to tell him "What a great idea DH! I'm sure Sd will do a great job doing xyz. Darn kids...they grow up so quickly." LOL Something along those lines!

Have him make the request to her that we expect you to do xyz and let him enforce it while you go enjoy a cup of coffee and watch the leaves fall!

Don't let their nastiness stress you out. They're NOT our kids and we should not ruin our relationships with our husbands because their kids are spoiled. Demanding respect from them is a bare minimum. I would say rolling eyes and walking away when you're talking is a BIG no no.

When DH is in a good mood, explain to him that you love SD :sick: and you have always wanted to be close to her :sick: and do so much for her. The least you expect from her like you would from your own bio kids is respect. Tell him gently that it hurts your feelings so much (insert sad eyes here) when SD rolls her eyes and walks away from you. It can even break your heart Wink

Ask him to call her out on it when she does do it because you know DH expects more from his oh so mature daughter!
If they think the world revolves around their kids and they're made of gold, then they need to be held to that standard and they need show off their "great personality" to us. And appreciate and thank your DH every time DH calls her out for disrespecting you. Gives them a boost in the right direction.

Be strong and take care of YOURSELF. Next time you have the urge to clean SD's room, go take a walk instead. You'll feel less stressed and have gotten in some exercise Smile

NotMyProblemAnymore's picture

Submitted by NotMyProblemAnymore on Thu, 10/10/2013 - 12:41pm

LOL "She's just afraid" BS. I wish my SD was afraid of me. Well I suppose she is sort of. She knows not to mess with me. She still randomly does some passive aggressive shit like poop in my bathroom and forget to flush...now she's not allowed in my bathroom ever }:)

And how come they suddenly forget their fear when they need something from us? SD has no problem disturbing me when i'm working when she needs something from me. That's when she should really be afraid LOL

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Thu, 10/10/2013 - 2:08pm

"afraid" and "uncomfortable" is code for "my kids know you can see through their crap and don't like the fact that you just don't look the other way like I do"