Should I just cut my losses and leave?
I just exploded on my DH. I don't mean to hurt his feelings, but there is only so many of my feelings I can stuff before I explode. This is happening all too often, and I'm beginning to wonder how much longer I can last like this. I am 7 years into being a SM and have 7 more before the youngest graduates high school. I don't like being a SM. I don't like having to deal with a crazy BM. I don't like that I will never have kids of my own with the man I used to love fiercely. I don't like that I resent my DH and wish I never married a man with 3 kids. When I complain or explode, DH just says, "how can I help?". Like this is MY issue. I'm tired of being medicated to be married. When does one just cut their losses and leave? He's a good man when he isn't being castrated by his ex-wife; it's just not the life I envisioned for myself. Contemplating my options... 
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I totally lost it last month
I totally lost it last month in front of our neighbor. He comes by the house on a daily basis to visit my husband; they've been friends for over 20 years. I got so enraged about something SS19 did that I took the glass of water I was drinking and threw it across the room. It shattered into a million pieces! I never saw our neighbor move so fast! He hasn't been back to the house since. It really felt good at the moment, but I don't want things to escalate. SS19 was not at the house during that time. I felt as if I took it out at the wall instead of taking it out on someone else. I've never been that enraged before, but I had been bottling things up for 15 years now and I guess It just boiled over! I don't like the person I have become. I cry on a daily basis and have anxiety whenever I am around SS19. He lives with us, but only supposed to be there Mon-Thursday and at his mom's house Fri-Sun. We had an agreement of this arrangement so that I could have some breathing room, but SS19 never obliges and DH always make up some excuse as to why the arrangement has not been enforced. It's at the point now that the mere sight of SS19 disgusts me. I feel like I should do everyone a favor and just leave because it seems as if I am the only person with the problem. DH says that I am first, but his actions show something different. Is he that oblivious? OR is he just playing games with me...telling me one thing to appease me and then telling SS19 something else to appease him. That's no way to live.
Would you both be open to
Would you both be open to marriage counseling?
We are in counseling. I can't
We are in counseling. I can't shake the feeling that he still sees this as MY issue, bc he acts like everything is perfectly normal.
I think it's even harder to
I think it's even harder to not have kids of your own--I would have cut my losses right there and left. A husband who doesn't stand up to BM, nuh uh, that would be my dealbreaker.
I think people are frightened
I think people are frightened of court a bit too much. What's the saying: I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees?
Not all judges will give BM what they want, especially if you are well prepared with evidence. And fearing she takes you to court, IMHO, is not a good enough reason to give into her. I know I couldn't live in constant fear of that. So she takes us to court. What more have we got to lose? I already lost my freedom by giving in to the prison of my mind over the threat of going to court.
I mean to me, my mental
I mean to me, my mental freedom is so much more important than the material one. It's a form of mental and emotional abuse, which long term can have serious health consequences, not to mention the relationship suffers, if you are bending because you are afriad of court.
I refuse to live under the rule of a tyrant. Let them do their worst.
Same here. DH always said "We
Same here. DH always said "We do not negotiate with terrorists." BM has also never taken DH back to court (yet at least) because she knows it won't give her what she wants which is him to do her bidding and be hers.
Why do something if it's not a threat to the other person?
Thanks, everyone. I plan to
Thanks, everyone. I plan to put that "we don't negotiate with terrorists" bit in my back pocket for later. In the meantime, I'm spending the weekend at a friend's and will deal with DH on Monday. Hopefully, tempers will be calmer by then.