Agreed!!!

It seems like SO MANY parents discussed on here would much rather have a warm body in bed with them then actually be a PARENT!

I do not get it.

i wasn't talking about you. it was the usual 2 that are always stirring shit.

Once you are in a situation it is hard to get out. Leaving isn't as easy as it may seem. Untangling an entire life you have enmeshed with someone isn't that easy. People stay out of fear of the unknown....because its easier then breaking away.

I think a lot of it is codependence, where women don't think their own needs are as important as those of the SO. It's easier to focus on someone else's shortcomings, also, so the reward is to get to be the "good one". I have read a lot of posts from women who are financially trapped. They think they will be homeless if they leave. Or they have biochildren with the man, and don't want to separate them. Most of the reasons are fear-based. "If I leave, I'm afraid......" It's not good to live with fear driving your decisions.

I stayed in an abusive situation because he threatened my life and that of my daughter and family. Since he was a trained ex special forces soldier, and had choked me out in front of my screaming daughter, telling her "a few more seconds and your mom would be dead, and then you'd be next", I took his threats very seriously.

He kept total financial control and I never even had the passwords to our bank account. He also kept many hidden credit lines and changed bank accounts frequently. He had the statements sent to his job so I never knew how much we had at any given time.

He was jealous, controlling, abusive and threatening. He broke me down into a shell of my former self. I gained over 100 pounds, was drinking heavily with him because he'd get pissed if I refused, and he had me convinced I'd never make it on my own and they'd take away my daughter if I tried. I even swallowed a bunch of pills once in a bleak suicide attempt just knowing my daughter would be better off without his abuse and my lack of substance. He caught me and forced me to vomit and then I endured 48 hours of physical and verbal abuse. He sent my daughter to his boss's house for the night claiming an emergency and proceeded to hit me and scream at me until I promised I'd never try to leave him again. I had to call off work for a week because my eye was swollen shut and I was bruised all over.

Yes, I look back now at the 8 yrs I wasted with him and the fact that I lost everything I ever cared about, and I regret every minute. He had me so scared for my life and the lives of my daughter and family (he constantly threatened to have them harmed or killed) that I lived in fear for years. When I caught him cheating though, everything changed. I filed for divorce, he moved out and took almost all of my money from my paycheck and I was on my own. I was petrified and living in my former supervisor's garage in the middle of winter, but I stuck it out. I never ran home to my parents, I was 38 and determined to make it on my own and get my daughter back.

I eventually lost that 100lbs, and met an amazing man that wouldn't dare even raise his voice to me in anger. I have a better relationship with my daughter now than I ever had before and I'm pretty sure within another year or so, she'll likely move in with me. I refuse to ever allow myself to be dependent on another person, ever. It took many years of therapy and strength to move on from his abuse and I'll never understand why I got involved with him and stayed as long as I did. All I know now is I have to look ahead, because looking back never gets anyone anything good.