Update on husband driving 2 hours each way to help with kids

So, this past weekend he was pissed off at me for 1. Not going to his kids soccer and volleyball games (4 hours round trip) on my weekend OFF from my bios. 2. I was not showing enough pissed offness at the fact that his ex won't come 2 hours our way to pick up her kids on Sunday. To fill you guys in..........he drives 4 hours round trip Tuesday and Thursday to the skids to play sports with them. Saturday he does the same thing.......only the skids come home with him and we are supposed to bring them 1 hour away(1/2 way) to meet the ex on Sundays. Needless to say.........all he does is drive all weekend. She refuses to come pick them up at our house because she says it is his decision to be diving all that way during the week and she doesn't want to drive for four hours. AND YES! He has his kids EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways..........I had had it! Got my bag and started packing! He got even more pissed and said that I was about to make things VERY ugly. So, my strength turned into a weakness real quick! I told him how sick I was with the lack of respect I get from him and his kids. Told him his going to his ex's house was not acceptable(which I have already told him this) and the fact that he ignored my wishes pisses me off even more. He simply could give a rats ASS about me and my feelings as long as he looks like a hero to his kids. I wanted so desperately to pull up everything everyone told me from my last blog to share with him............of course I just went blank for the most part and did not say half the things I wanted or should have.

Basically, the only thing that I believe to have come out of it............me looking even more crazy in his eyes. He claims he will change(showing more respect). I know he won't. All he was worried about was us having a good day with the skids!!! That is all he ever cares about. So, he just sat on the sofa with them in his lap for pretty much the rest of the day (13yr old boy and 11 year old daughter)

I told him that the only time he is worried about being a "family" is when his kids are at our house. When it is just my kids........that whole family thing doesn't exist! SCREW THAT!!

I am working hard to build the courage to say what I need to say. Gain control of my life again and be happy!

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Errrmmmm, and what is it

Errrmmmm, and what is it you're getting out of this situation? I hope this guy is really, REALLY good in bed. And it's not fair to your bios for you to be all stressed out/wrapped up in him/his kids. This is ridiculous.

NO ONE is good enough in bed

NO ONE is good enough in bed to put up with him basically dating his ex wife.

I am not being physically

I am not being physically abused. Sometimes I feel like I am being mentally abused. I guess I can really only blame myself for that weakness. I have to figure out how to gain the courage to just lay it all out to him. I am not sure why I fold when he starts playing those mind games. Turns EVERYTHING and I mean everything around to me attacking him. Hell, I wanted to go to Target the other day by myself and he made me feel like complete and total shit for not asking him and his kids to go. SO, like a weak person I did not go. I did not want to deal with the wrath when I got home. When actually I should have gone and never came back!!!!!!! AUGH!

Yes, I have GOT to get myself together! Yes, I am only a convenience to him and his kids. I could not agree with you more. Yes, I have to find my strength.

The funny thing is.........with everything else in Life I am very much on top of it and have it all together.

He got even more pissed and

He got even more pissed and said that I was about to make things VERY ugly

What the hell is that suppose to mean? what does he mean by "ugly" that made you back down? I can't imagine what can be much uglier than the shitty life you are living right now?

Hell yeah, I'm not a fighter

Hell yeah, I'm not a fighter by any means, I really HATE confrontation of any sort, but damn, if my DH said that to me, I'd be like "bring it baby". NOBODY is going to threaten me and you haven't seen "ugly" yet!

I would tell him that either

I would tell him that either you two are going to couples counseling or you are out of there. This is awful. I was in a similar situation with FDH hanging out at BM's house and doing all the driving but my situation pales in comparison to this crap. Counseling did wonders as someone else was telling him how entirely inappropriate it was. He changed things after that. He really just thought he was being a great dad and I was being crazy for not understanding it. When the therapist pointed out to him that he was acting like he was still married to his ex, a lot of things changed.

What he's doing is not only bad for your relationship, it is sending all the wrong messages to his kids.

I have tried the counseling

I have tried the counseling thing with him. His is ANTI!!! I go every week to every other week. I am an advocate of counseling. It will be a cold day in hell when you see him in counseling.

The one thing that I do not

The one thing that I do not do is share my finances with him. My money is mine and his is his. Thankfully for me.........mine is way better than his. He is self employed which means he sleeps in every day......works when he wants too and if something REALLY needs to get done..........calls me to do it! Yet, I work a full time job as a C.E.O. of a company! Not to mention........times are tough for his company and he cannot even make ends meet right now.

If you feel like you're being

If you feel like you're being mentally abused you probably are. If he turns everything around so it seems like you are attacking or controlling him then he is the one turning everything into a battle for control in your marriage. If he makes you feel like you are going crazy and up is down and down is up then he is manipulating you, either deliberately or defensively. Please do some research on emotional abuse and see if his behaviour fits. Because it sounds like it to me and it may give you some relief to understand the patterns and some ideas for an action plan, because its not you, it's him!

I mean this in the most

I mean this in the most respectful and supportive way: Grow a back bone, girl! I am lucky with my DH. We support each other and talk about most everything. I know this is not the norm, though. However, I'd be damned if I was threatened with 'ugly'. I'm a non-confrontational person, but control freaks push my buttons quick. May I ask what your counselor says about this? Not to be too nosey, but I'm sure he/she has some insight on this...