I don't think she's his child.
Awhile back my Dh told me that before he married his daughter's mother, he asked her for a DNA test (since she was a "bar-whore") and she threw a fit and refused. I thought that was kind of suspicious, especially since I have NEVER once looked at SD11 and thought she looked like her dad. She has similar colored hair and is tall like my DH but otherwise, NOTHING.
So this weekend was the first time my family has gotten to spend any time around SD11 and one of the things they said was that they couldn't see anything of my husband in her. Not in looks, not in actions. (She was a total brat, btw. It was all my teenage niece and nephew could do to stand her for the day and a half we were there. I ended up having to apologize profusely for her behavior.)
So what would you all do if you thought your stepchild was not your husband's biological child? I have read up to 30% of men paying child support are doing so for a child who is not biologically their own. Paternity fraud is rampant in this country.
What, if anything, should be done?
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At age 11, I'd ignore any
At age 11, I'd ignore any suspicions and never mention it.
Nothing that can be done. He
Nothing that can be done. He has been raising the child as his own for this long. The court would never take action. Besides, why ruin lives at this point? She may be a brat but your DH has a hand in raising her, he needs to adjust that!
Nothing. Leave this alone! I
Nothing. Leave this alone!
I quarantee you that your husband would never go for the DNA test after all this time. He's already bonded with her and his DNA or not, she is his.
Sounds like he just needs to step up and actually parent her though.
Just put it out of your
Just put it out of your head.
My son is 4....if someone came to me and told me that there was some mix up at the hospital and he wasn't biologically mine....I would still fight tooth and nail for him. He's mine no matter what at this point. I can't see that bond or devotion deminishing with 7 more years of raising him.
At 11 years as her dad....biology doesn't really matter anymore.
I used to wonder if SD22 is
I used to wonder if SD22 is really DH's daughter. The infertility DH and I battled was mostly due to his non-existent sperm count, and he had no idea why his count would be so low. It was/is so low, that one doctor told us we had a less than 3% chance of ever conceiving. DH said it didn't take long for BM to get pregnant with SD22.
Anyway, SD22 actually does look a bit like DH, so I kept my mouth shut. Then I met BM, and realized that SD22 actually looks EXACTLY like BM, so it's possible she's not DH's daughter. But after all that time, I think it would hurt more for DH to find she's not his than to just think it.
I actually do believe SD22 is DH's, and just dropped all those thoughts. Our BS1 looks just like me, and nothing like DH (unlike our BS2 who is the opposite) and it pisses me off when DH comments that maybe BS1 isn't his. (There's no chance BS1 is not his, unless there was some immaculate conception going on!). But DH finally said (after I begged him to get tested if he really thinks this.) that since he loves BS1 already, it actually wouldn't make a difference.
PeanutandSons is right...at this point she is your DH's daughter regardless of biology.
*HEAVY SIGH*...what I
*HEAVY SIGH*...what I wouldn't give for skid NOT to be my dhs and for my dh NOT to have to pay cs!
Before DH & I got married, he
Before DH & I got married, he had to have a court ordered dna test done on SS13 due to an issue of child support and other reasons. BM had custody of SS13 and DH had SD15 & SD19 since they had split over 11 years ago at the time. Turns out SS13 was NOT DH's bio, no surprise there, because BM was a total whore and was screwing any guy who'd have her. BM got pissed over the results although she admitted she knew the boy wasn't DH's child, and screamed at him that he should have SD15 tested too because she didn't belong to DH either. SD15 really doesn't look or act anything like DH, she resembles SS13's bio dad, who was eventually identified by BM.
It was a very touchy situation, and I'm sure I probably didn't handle it well especially since SD15 was treating me like the crap and trying to cause as much trouble as possible. Unfortunately I'm sure I used the phrase something similar to the 'she's not even your bio daughter' more than once when DH & I were battling over the trouble SD15 was causing. I know DH thought about having her tested, although it wouldn't have made much difference because he'd been raising her pretty much since she was born. BM never had anything to do with either of the girls, not sure how or why she managed to keep SS13. SD15 also caught wind of it thanks to BM and said she'd run away if DH or BM tried to have her tested.
As far as looks go, it can be very deceiving. I would have sworn SS13 was DH's kid because he did look like him. And the really weird thing is SD15 looks like me...go figure!
Do I wish SD15 (now SD22) wasn't DH's? You bet. But we'll never know and it wouldn't make any difference at this point.
Actually DH DOES mention
Actually DH DOES mention every now and then having a paternity test done just so he'd know for sure, but he still thinks you have to have a blood test. I've never told him it can be done through hair or saliva or whatever nowadays because I don't see what good could come of this. It would only break his heart and devastate her.
On the other hand, don't they both have a right to the truth? What if she ever needs to know her genetics? And in our state, something CAN legally be done, though I doubt my husband would want to.
Tragically this is a common
Tragically this is a common problem today. BMs shouldnt get to determine the child's father after the fact and the system rewards her with CS and a free babysitter every weekend while she parties or spends time with her new husband and kids etc. Not only is she lying to the man but to the child. If only dna testing was mandatory maybe we wouldn't have so many shady BMs.
Do the test. Find out for the
Do the test. Find out for the kid. I know this is different advice, but the kid deserves to know parentage.