You are here

Question about CS and giving BM extra money

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 12:35pm

Queen Beau's post got me to thinking....

DH gave BM $500 without even telling me. He does this often. Not that much, maybe an extra $100 here or there. He pays DH $500 for CS. But BM is a master manipulator. She always gets extra money out of him and he doesn't tell me.

Now my question is, so I even care if it doesn't affect my lifestyle at all? Is it really worth the headache to argue about it? Or should I say something on principal alone? I am so sick of this BM skid drama. This is ridiculous. At first I tried not to make a big deal out of it, but now that I think about it, it's really disrespectful. We have been married 5 years and this has always been an issue.

How should I handle this?

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 12:39pm

Are your finances together or separate?

Edit to add...IMHO. School supplies and clothes should come from CS and custodial parents money.

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:05pm

I am a SAHM so our finances are combined. My only "income" is an inheritance from my father. That monthly payment goes straight into DD2stb3's account for her college.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 12:38pm

Maybe ask your DH if he'd have a problem with you giving your ex a hundred or so dollars every so often.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 1:26pm

Exactly! My dh pays 920.00 a month in CS plus covers both skid and bm on his insurance. He does NOT give her a red cent more than that for anything! We BOTH agree that if skid needs anything she can use the 920.00 a month that she gets for it. There is nothing in the CO that says that DH has to pay for anything above CS and half of all uninsured med bills for skid. So you better believe with that kind of money getting sucked out of OUR household that bm and skid ain't getting NADA more than what he is ordered to pay!

I am also a bm, and my ex pays 500.00 a month and I pay for my son's med ins. I NEVER ask him for any extra money for ANYTHING! And my ex is barely even involved in my kids life, never really was. I could take him back to court if I wanted to but I don't. I have had the same CS order for many years now. As long as my sons needs are being met and he isn't hurting for anything that he NEEDS I have no issue with the CS amount that I receive for my son.

It burns my ass at some of the outrageous amounts of $$$ alot of BMs get and then the NCP will just hand them MORE! If my DH E.V.E.R. gave skid or bm anything more than what he is ordered to pay without at least talking it over with me FIRST I would be done! I will not stand back and let OUR household and everyone in it go to shit just so some greedy, lazy pos and her brat can have MORE of my man's money! AIN'T FUCKING HAPPENING!

If these BMs would use the CS they receive for its INTENDED purpose ONLY then there would probably NEVER be an issue!!!! Grrrr!!!

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:46pm

Tasha, how does BM get covered under DH's insurance if she's no longer a dependent? Is this private insurance. Are you covered too? Or do you have your own insurance? Just curious how that works. I think I might have a problem if SO carried BM on his insurance after they got divorced.

OtterWater1's picture

Submitted by OtterWater1 on Sun, 08/18/2013 - 12:06pm

I didn't think you could legally insure a former spouse.
Unless he was required to pay for a private policy for her.
Weird.
My XSIL wanted my brother to cover her following the divorce. Judge told her no, that's not even legal...

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 1:41pm

AGREED.

We always agree to get what SD needs, but (this may sound petty but) WE ARE BUYING IT & giving it directly to SD. BM is not going to get MORE money from us, go spend half of it on SD & keep the other half & tell SD "Oh baby look what I bought you!! I love you so much more than daddy & Queen!"

Uh uh.

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:07pm

S2BSMKY, I think you are correct! This is exactly what I am going to say to DH. I couldn't say it better than this.

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 2:24pm

I think this topic hits home for A LOT of us unfortunately.
But yes your Husband should consult you first before saying, "Yes" to someone that is receiving $500/month in CS that is quite A LOT of money!
Most BMs are master manipulators, I am surprised he is unable to say, "No." If she does need extras, suggest to your DH that you buy the items never under any circumstances give extra money on top of the CS. Unfortunately, the BM in your case is used to him saying yes and getting her extra $$$. I think part of the reason is guilt on your DH's part and also the BM crying the blues, which is usually BS.
BM tries to pull this shit with SO A LOT! I know ive said this A LOT on other posts, but I remember her wanting gas money on top of CS once, I Flipped out! She was crying the blues, after christmas guess who has a new vehicle? Yep you guessed it BM!
Her family is wealthy and I am sorry if this is mean, but I have no sympathy for someone who will inherit $1 million one day! Its just not there!
Good luck and its never too late to have your husband re think these financial situations, give a bm an inch and trust me she'll take the mile and more!

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:11pm

Wait...what?!?!?! She's going to inherit $1million? Wow, and she had the nerve to ask your DH for gas money? Wth is wrong with these BMs? I mean this is just really crazy. All of us in these situations.....this is almost unbelievable. I am so thankful for this site, because unless you are living this no one can possibly understand.

LadyHarvell's picture

Submitted by LadyHarvell on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:13pm

Right!

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Thu, 08/01/2013 - 12:17pm

Yes and during this fight around christmas time last year, he looked at me like I was insane. He even handed me the phone and said, "if its that important to you, you call her and tell her she cant have the gas money." Its true she is not living the lifestyles of the rich and the famous, but one day she will be rich. Therefore, I only have sympathy for people with real financial issues, not rich girl problems. Parents bale her out and they do do nice things for the kids, so thats a plus.

LadyHarvell's picture

Submitted by LadyHarvell on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:12pm

To a degree it's the principle but than yo do not want to start any unnecessary drama. As long as my needs were met financially than I would not mention it but once they aren't I would say well where is all of the money going? And let DH think about it.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:27pm

I agree, however 920.00 a month going from your SO's paycheck, and out of your household every month to BM's hands and being spent on God only knows what...for me, it is ALL about the principle. 920.00 is MORE THAN ENOUGH for one person to pay for ONE kid! Period. It wouldn't matter to me if my needs were fully met or not, NOBODY but the two people married, those in their household, etc should be benefiting from what is left of the NCP's paycheck but US!!!! F--- bm & skid and anything above the CS! IMHO Wink

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 4:39pm

Yes indeed Tasha! I can't argue with you on this. You are so right, "NOBODY but the two people married, those in their household, etc should be benefiting from what is left of the NCP's paycheck but US!!!! F--- bm & skid and anything above the CS"

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:40pm

^^^^Amen. I'd be pissed. If he wants to give extra it should go directly to the kids in a non monetary form. Put it in a college trust fund or something. Never to BM and hopefully in a way that doesn't benefit BM.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:50pm

Exactly!

Any money above CS takes away from OUR household! It is bad enough that most of our SOs have to pay so much between CS & Insurance that we (the 2nd family) have to suffer and go without and ultimately us SM have to suck it up too and work more or not be able to be the sahm we would like to be or need to be because the money is just not there. It really does suck being with a man with kids/bm in the picture, worst experience ever, and I for one will NEVER EVER do it again if dh and I don't work out. Sad

I CAN'T F'N WAIT until the money train ends for skid & bm! I will party like it's 1999 when that day comes! }:) Wink

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Thu, 08/01/2013 - 7:33am

You have my deepest sympathies on that ammart1k! Sad

I don't think I could handle being with a man who has such a young child(ren) and THAT many more years until the skid is grown and my SO was done paying support and having any contact with bm! These skids and bm just suck the life, happiness, joy and money out of everything don't they?! Sad

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:44pm

BM took enough of my husband's money when they were married, no way was he going to give her anything above CS after they split. And I would have been pissed if he did, separate finances or not.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Wed, 07/31/2013 - 3:55pm

Same here, bm got to live large and dh worked his balls off to support her, their ONE kid and HER 3 other kids! If I was with dh first I of course would have the option of being an sahm and not working because he makes a very nice living, but that has all gone to shit now that he pays 920.00 a month in CS because he foolishly got with her and knocked her ass up and once she knew she had him all bets were OFF! She rode that money train hard all throughout their marriage and now gets a pretty penny every month! MUST BE NICE! Well at least someone gets to enjoy my DH's money and get amply supported. Sad (Yes I am bitter & resentful) *sigh*