Help...need your input on splitting mortgage/rent
In a nutshell, here's the situation. My BF of 3 years and his 12 year old son live in my house with my daughter and I. He gets CS for his son, and I get it for my daughter. He rents his house for about $100 more per month than the cost of his mortgage (his insurance, county taxes, etc are all built into his mortgage). My mortgage is $1500 per month (which I have no problem paying on my own). I do make more money than he does so if you look at it on a percentage basis equal to our salaries, his portion of the rent would be 39% ($585) and mine 61%. He actually gives me $500 a month for rent. After 3 years, it's only been in the last couple of months that I've been able to get him to pay 1/2 of the electric bill.
Here is the problem. Whenever we argue, he gripes about the money. I feel like he has it good. He lives in a much nicer and bigger home than what he had. For $628 a month (rent/electric)for he and his son, I think he has it good. He gripes and says, 'but you'd be paying it anyway'. Yes, I would, but I wouldn't have the headaches that go along with it! He then wants to throw in, 'well, put my name on the deed'. Absolutely not. He knew when we first started dating that I live on family property with the agreement that my house would go to my daughter if anything happened to me. It was fine with him, because he has his own home that would go to his son.
Here is my question? Am I being unreasonable? I am not asking him to pay anymore than he does but I do think he has it good. He works shift work so I am there to watch his child while he works and to run him to sports/games, etc. when his dad can't get him there. Am I ridiculous to think that $128 month electric and $500 month rent is reasonable for him to pay for him and his child? He acts like I am raping him. Would love your input on this.
I think you're being more
I think you're being more than reasonable. He'd be paying rent and electric too! Has he forgotten that? $628 a month to live in HOUSE and not an apartment is a good deal. And he's lucky you aren't asking him to split it since he is living there. He'd be paying his mortgage whether he had someone renting his house or not, so use that argument. By his logic, he shouldn't be charging his tenants any rent, either.
Well, personally, if he
Well, personally, if he doesn't pay 50% of ALL expenses, than he should go back and live in his OWN house and only come over on occasion. Uuggghhh pisses me off just reading this.
While it's true you would be
While it's true you would be paying it anyways, technically, if he doesn't pay, he would be living for free. He is NOT paying his home, someone else is. So technically, he is not paying his mortgage and you are paying yours. Therefore, if he wants to live there, he should look at it just as if he was renting from anyone else. Now, if he lived with you and his house was NOT rented, thus he had to pay in both places, I can see a problem...but other than that, he needs to pay. And he needs to pay 50% since there are two of them living there. Period. And that is 50% of all bills.
If there are four people in
If there are four people in the house, then you guys should be splitting the household bills (including the mortgage) 50/50. Regardless of whom makes more. There's really no other way that I see.
He sounds unresaonable and selfish and whiny.
He'd be paying at least half
He'd be paying at least half if he lived with me, and if he complained about it, he would be moving back home and just dating me until he got his priorities together. The thing about having all the benefits of having a family is that it costs money. If he isn't prepared to deal with that, he should pound salt til he realizes a few things.
Well, I think you are being
Well, I think you are being more than fair. Doing it on a percentage is how they do child support but is it truly fair? If he wants to live in your house 100% of the time the he should pay 50% of all expenses. He knew his house payment was less than yours when he moved in. He should be responsible for his half of the bills. If he can figure out how to use less electricity and water and cable or whatever household bills you have then he's entitled to pay less. From what I can see he hasn't.. he should pay half and he should be paying you to watch his kid and pay for your gas to run the kid around. Sorry, I'm a little tainted about this subject.. I have the same situation here.. but my DH says I wanted this house so I should have to pay more.. he would be happy living in a $20,000 shack..
First, do not EVER even
First, do not EVER even consider putting his name on the deed! Consider this, your BF's mortgage IS getting paid and then some -- by his tenants. He has full benefit of that including tax benefits. And your name isn't on his deed, either.
So the mortage on his house/asset is paid in full each month without him so much as lifting a finger, he gets tax breaks because of it, and he is living dirt-cheap at a nicer place "with benefits." Sounds like a damn good deal to me.
Next time he gripes, tell him he is perfectly free to go back to his own house and pay his full mortgage and live in his dumpier home. Oh ... and all utilities, repairs, and childcare responsibilities will be fully on his back. Besides, if he was paying his mortgage etc. in full on his own before, then where is his extra spending money going to now? Is he banking it somewhere or spending it? How would he like to live without that extra spending money he's had in his pocket for the last three years he's been living cheaply with you?
I am in a similar situation when it comes to providing a cheap place to live but my BF has never had the nerve to complain about it since he knows very well he can't get a better deal to live so inexpensively. My primary annoyance is that his extra money often has been spent on lavish gifts for his already overindulged adult children.
Everything is 50/50 or based
Everything is 50/50 or based on income if you're feeling generous.
Tell him "Lets move to your home and since you'd be paying the mortgague anyway I don't have to pay anything except a little extra utilities".
But before doing any of this you need to determine if this guy is a keeper. Hint - NO.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments. This especially hit home again recently. Let me explain. Early last year, we were going to go in half on buying a tractor. Then, at the last minute, he told me he wasn't going to do it. Said in case we ever broke up, it would be better that way so there'd be nothing to split. (I had already discussed us having an agreement drawn up by an attorney.) So, last week he asked if I wanted to go in half with him on a jon boat. I told him I remembered his reasoning for not going in on the tractor so, no, I would not be going in half. Instead of a jon boat, he ends up buying a $10,000 boat! Absolutely ridiculous. That's why I keep my money separate.
You are WAY more than fair.
You are WAY more than fair. OMG men are so stupid. My bf still wants to split dinners out in half. When he and his son eat 3-4 times what my kids and I eat. And he still has two more children left to feed!
Where is the boat being stored? If at your house, charge him a storage fee LOL
He can afford a 10K boat but
He can afford a 10K boat but bitches about less than $600 in living expenses per month...
<>
Entitlement beyond words...
(No judgment on you intended, I have my own situation I never should have gotten into going on myself)
When someone has no concept
When someone has no concept of personal responsibility or self-respect, it's impossible to teach them.
You're not a bad person, he's freeloading and should grow up a little. Lots of married couples do not earn the same money and they figure out how to both contribute to the same degree based on what they make. (You should both "feel it" the same, whatever the dollar amount comes to.) There are very few families where only one person works and in that case, yeah, doling out the money to make everybody's life happen is necessary and being stingy could be awkward, and possibly a cause to fight. But assuming he's able-bodied and a grown-up, he should be happily putting in his share and appreciating that he could never live in a place like that if YOU didn't make it possible. If you're going to fight, this should be the last thing he complains about.
Good luck.
You are absolutely being fair
You are absolutely being fair and I totally understand where you are coming from. My husband for some reason (even though I have went over the bills with him time and time again) thinks he pays half the bills but doesn't even come close, even though his daughter lives with us every other week (50% of the time). In my opinion, he should pay MORE than half being that I have to put up with SD every other loooooong week, definitely not less! Men are just lazy nowadays. All my friends have the same issue.
Totally agree with you to
Totally agree with you to keep money seperate. I moved from another state which I still own a home/property - currently rent it out. He has 3 kids, I have 1 and we have 1 together. When we first started out we had a joint account which only lasted a few months. Disney Dad weekends where entertainment was KEY - started to take a toll on me. We now split everything 50/50 and contribute to a joint savings.
I am a saver and he is a spender. I am not in this relationship to support 3 kids who are not mine nor cover his poor spending habits. I have suggested financial counceling so we can plan better - this went to the wayside. We will not be married until all his debt is paid and credit is cleaned up. I will NOT take on a grown mans poor financial decisions nor will I over indulge my kids to expect anything and everything. The value of money has to be taken seriously and they need to understand that. If I cannot afford to go to the movies - we get REDbox. What kind of man would expect to live off a woman with her own child?