You are here

Speaking Up About Child Sex Abuse

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 11:15pm

It started with a message a step sister I never met sent me. My father has custody of her five year old daughter. Sad

Apparently her mother and my father petitioned to take her child. I am estranged from my father for obvious reasons. I don't go on FB so I didn't know this chick even messaged me.

As I read her message I began panicking. Then I got to the part where my SM was saying the little girl was showing signs of sex Abuse there and blaming SSs ex boyfriend. I felt faint.

I didn't have my SS number. But she was dumb and put pictures of all her court papers on her FB. With that I made a call to the parish DFCS. I gave them SS name, her daughters name and date of birth, my fathers address and told her the story of my sister and I enduring the torture of growing up with a child molester. I made sure my sister wouldn't mind and gave them her number.

The social worker was able to pull up my SS case and its been flagged for review for investigation. DFCS will call my sister in the 48 hours and once the official case opens a SUV detective will contact us.

My SM doesn't know what my dad did. She is about to find out. I shed my shame today for the sake of a child. Today the world learns I am an incest survivor. And if it saves one little girl it is worth it. I saved a dog from a neighbor for Gods sake. A child deserves no less.

Only two of us will be talking to the detective. My other sister he hurt killed herself a month before her 21st birthday. No more. This ends now. I don't know my SS or her baby, I hardly know my SM. But I know ME and what I can live with.

Please good wishes that little girl is rescued and taken to a safe harbor.

My heart is pounding. My eyes are tearing. I am so grateful for the distraction that sent me to FB finally to see that message and my new FB friends.

What a day.

Comments

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 11:24pm

OMG I hope that little girl is taken and put with her mom or. Someone that wont hurt her! Poor thing. You did the right thing what a brave thing you did.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 11:32pm

I don't know if her mother is fit or not. But my father isn't.

The sad part is SS contacted me wanting me to testify her mother is a bad person. I barely know her mother. My SS thinks my father is a real great guy. Everyone does. He would be ...except that raping children part.

All hell is going to break loose. SM is bipolar and doesmy know what my dad did to us. I only spoke up for the little girls sake.

My whole fathers side of the family may dissown me and y sister for this. But I must follow my conscious. Its going to hurt to lose my people. Sad

But it is what it is.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 11:42pm

Thanks ditz. It just hurts. Im Cajun, family is everything. I was able to live without my dad but losing my aunts, uncles, cousins, my 1/2 brother that is normal ( not the creepy one) will really break me down. That's why I kept my silence so long.

I was so much in denial until recently when my girls turned 9 and 10 ..the age when my abuse really escalated. Then it really hit me. The horror of it.

Maybe if I spoke up sooner that girl never would have been placed with them. But hopefully they can save her now.

arjuna79's picture

Submitted by arjuna79 on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 8:04am

OMG, I know that trigger of age, when my daughter hit that age where I suffered, I was convulsed. How to keep her safe without projecting my traumatic stuff... and when the tribe found out - you know what Chokin - my mother led the parade to blame me (for her own negligence, wtf) but others - they knew - and they supported me. Some couldn't name it til SHE died = but you might not lose them all. Too often in those strong tribal dynamics, they know or suspect the truth, but cannot find the way to intervene.

Last night YOU took the steps to intervene. {{{{{{{chokin}}}}}}}} breathe with it, you have set healing in motion, messy as it will be.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 11:36pm

Thanks. I know I did the right thing. But im still crying. I also told them about my half brother who lives next door on bond for child porn collecting. He made the press 4 years ago as the most prolific baby rape porn collectDr in Livingston. DCFS Never was notified. So he may lose his kids too.

My whole fathers family is going to hate me now. I feel like puking

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 1:05am

oh my...what a nightmare...he was probably abused too...It pisses me off to NO END when people say "but look he has a job, he's not in jail, blah, blah, blah...he can't possibly'...geez! these aholes somehow get away with it because of mostly fear by the kids they abuse...for years and years and years kids do not speak up...they worry about if something will happen to them or worse, what if my mom loses it and kills the SOB and then she ends up in jail and it's my fault? EVERYONE needs to start speaking up...I can't commend you enough for what you are doing. Actually, I am in facebook group called "accuse your abuser"...a girl who finally said NO MORE and started speaking out about every ahole out there who is charged and does such a thing...of course, not just charged, but there is plenty of proof already...

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 1:09am

He was abused by a step uncle. But he stopped being my brother when googling his name brought up his picture and an article about his baby rape video fetish.

:sick:

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 11:43pm

Thank you I wish the woman who knew about my ex had told my mom, we told the next woman once we tracked him down. I wish I had told sooner. Your doing the right thing.

Silvercat's picture

Submitted by Silvercat on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 11:46pm

You did the right thing and I'm glad you did it. Stay strong.

Surely records of your father's history will come up when his and wife's petition is considered by the powers that be?

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 12:00am

If my father and his wife keep that child despite the testimony of my sister and I, I will contact every editor in that area until someone picks it up as a human interest story. Im committed now. I didn't come forward for nothing.

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 11:51pm

Its one of the hardest things to face and you truly did the right thing. Let that strength bring the girl to safety and be a healing for you. You are a brave and strong person, the people who matter will be there to support you as well as want the best for the girl.

I'm sorry you ever had to go through that but hang in there. (((HUGS)))

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 11:55pm

Thanks for the support. This crap changed who I would be. I still suffer for it. Can't let it happen again.

Im thick skinned as a Rhino, and sometimes as prickly as a porcupine. Sometimes I am called 'too blunt and insensitive'. But my little sissy was the "sensitive" one and look where it got her... dangling from a dog leash in her closet.. Laying on a steel table while I applied the lipstick and nail polish to hide the purple and gray coming through.

If I wasn't tough or had my humor, I would have cracked years ago. Being the child of a unstable teenage mother and pedophile has no perks -___-

Can't leave a child to my fate. So why does it feel like Im breathing molasses?

I hope I get the understanding from my extended family that I have gotten here.

I don't deserve the heavy coat of shame and self loathing that that sick fuck burdened the child chokin with.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 1:00am

PS - I went through something similar, although not with my father and believe me I understand what it does to your soul for many years to come...I too am called mean, blunt, insensitive...yes, I am...I don't care...I have ZERO tolerance for abuse, whether animal, women, children, whatever...zero tolerance for it.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 1:06am

Going through this as a child can often wear away the softness in a person and leave many hard edges..

Not always but often.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 12:59am

Thank you for standing up for what is right. While this may end up being very difficult for you, I applaud you for doing what is right. Sadly, many of these men are wonderful around others and it is the women who are seen as bad, mean, horrible...the classic signs of someone constantly abused and manipulated by an ahole...

Again, I commend you for doing what is right.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 1:02am

Your so right. People don't realize molesters can be very charming. Media portrayel doesn't fit reality

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 1:10am

Gonna try to sleep now. I suspect it will be a nightmare night. Sad

Why can't he just die already?

arjuna79's picture

Submitted by arjuna79 on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 9:06am

Chokin, Brave brave action you took. Thank you. Every one of us sexual abuse survivors thanks you. In my case, it was my older cousin, over and over, daytime, nighttime - where were the adults? 20 years later, my mother figured things out - spilled the news to her whole tribe - AND THEY BLAMED ME, the child, the victim. So yes, I too wait for him to die. I get it.
I hope you got some sleep last night. Thank you for your bravery.

AVR1962's picture

Submitted by AVR1962 on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 1:56am

I do hope someone can do something to protect these children. I felt sick reading the original post. My daughters were both molested by their stepbrothers growing up and the oldest daughter sexually abused. If it has come out in the open please please take action, no matter family or not. I asked my oldest "who" over and over a again as a child. Her behavior was bizarre and I had taken her to counseling. It was thru counseling that the counselor felt daughter had been sexually abused but she admitted to nothing. She also denied anything had ever happened when I asked. It did not come out til the kids were in their mid 20's. I am still married to stepsons' dad but what a mess. The family is completely split. My daughters and I were accused of lying. Husband's family supported the boys and will not speak to me to this day. I however, want nothing to do with them either. My oldest daughter has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I blame a great deal of it on the abuse. She is very confused even today at the age of 32. She oddly enough still wants a relationship with the step brother that abused her.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 7:12am

You did the right thing. And no one can take it away from you. These people can deny and say you are lying but honestly, what do you gain from this? Nothing except saving a little girl from a mentally evil individual.

So your bio family hates you. Your cyber 'family' here loves you. And think that even strangers you have never met love you more than your family. It may be sad but it shows you there are good people out there. GOOD PEOPLE who know right from wrong.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 7:40am

you are so brave and courageous. like someone else said, you are no longer a victim, you are a survivor- and we are all so proud of you for stepping up for this child, because of you she might have a way through/out of this. you are a strong, strong woman.

i type this through tears cuz i also know. thank you for breaking your silence for your little niece- you may have just saved her life.

((hugs))

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 8:05am

I am so sorry for what hell you had to endure, you and your siblings. But thank goodness you have the character to stand up in defense of another child and keep him from perpetuating his sickness.

Integrity is doing the RIGHT thing, not doing the easy thing.

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 8:18am

so very brave to dig this up now for a child you dont even know...hats off to you your a good person

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 8:28am

Stay strong (because you ARE). Our thoughts will be with you.

I can't imagine how painful this must be, so I wanted to say that although I have not gone through what you have, I look up to you for what you are doing--some people will say they are helpless and be helpless, but not you.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 8:34am

I'm so sorry. You did the right thing by this little girl. Lots of prayers to you.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 9:14am

I have tears running down my face as I read this. Choke, you are so brave and I admire your willingness to put your skeletons out there to save a child. I am so sorry you are having to open Pandora's Box, but this could very well be a good way to help you heal as well. You and your sisters weren't able to stop this monster back then, and you lost a sister to it... but NOW you can. NOW you can put a stop to it and have the satisfaction of knowing that he cannot hurt anyone else.

I am sick to my stomach thinking about this. I will be praying for your SSis and all of those that are effected by this man. Stay strong!! And when you can't, lean on us. We will hold you up.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 9:30am

Thank you so much for the outpouring of support.

Im waiting for three phone calls now from that area code

The DCFS, the SVU detectives, Screaming irate relatives.

The third I will hang up on.

I got involved when a puppy was getting beaten, I can hardly stay quiet while a child gets raped. That just isn't in the fabric of who I am.

If I lose the love of some relatives, then I never really had it did I? I know some won't understand how I could ruin my father for a step niece I never met with " blood is thicker than water"

But you know what's thicker than blood, thicker than religious ideology ; HUMANITY!!!! Humanity, kindness, integrity, morality. I won't sell my soul over the weight of a few pints of blood.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 9:51am

blood may be thicker than water, but all it does is make you genetically related.

you *choose* true family.

if they decide to not choose you as their family, they never really deserved you in the first place.

one suggestion - change your phone # and only give it out to the authorities and people who are actually around you. if for some reason that's not an option, get a cheapy disposable phone # for dfcs and svu to contact you on, then let all calls on other phone go to v/m unless you know for a fact who it is (DH, coworkers, etc)

you can choose your family, and so can your relatives. if they choose wrong, then they're not worthy.

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 9:42am

Another thing I have learned- expect family members to be shocked at first possibly upset but its bc they will be taken back and need time to digest the horrible things. Sadly to say, you have lived with this and had time to organize your thoughts about it where family members are in for news. Time helps with that and the ones who are supportive will come around.

nothinforya's picture

Submitted by nothinforya on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 9:55am

I am very proud of you. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. I send you wishes for strength, and hopes for success in your efforts to save that child. Take care of yourself during this ordeal.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 11:31am

Chokin......I too was molested at the age of 9, by the father of a friend of mine.

I also buried it because he said it was my fault. That I tempted him. That my father would go to jail because of what I did. As the years went by I noticed my former friend always hung out with girls that looked like me. Gifts for her father and probably trying to keep the same thing from happening to her.

I never told a soul and was in my 20's when the memories came back for me to face.

I admire you for standing up for this little girl. My heart goes out to both of you. I hope you're successful in getting her away from him.

But please do not feel your family turning against you is your fault. It is the result of your father's actions. You did nothing wrong and anyone that sides with him is not worth your time.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 11:50am

I admire your strength. Far more people go thru this than you would ever know. A lovely woman friend my age that I have known for almost 50 year confided in me just two years ago. I had known her father (a West Point grad of all things) when we were in college.

You are not only doing the right thing - you are really doing the only thing that could do with a clear conscience.

None of what transpires about this will be your fault. It's the fault of the pedophile who took the actions.

(I love Cajuns - my first real love was from Breaux Bridge).