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Exfil has given up

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Thu, 06/27/2013 - 2:11pm

Exfil is dying. He won't eat or get out of bed, refuses to go see anymore doctors. I know exstepmil is a wreck, exH is a wreck. My mom just lost he bf of 20 years. My bff since jr high lost his mom last year. I'm not ready to start losing parents. I hate that I can't help exh through this, I hate my kids have to lose a grand parent. I'm scared I'll be kept away from this he was my family for 15 years. This hurts my heart so much for all the family and I feel so lost as what to do.

Comments

fakemommy's picture

Submitted by fakemommy on Thu, 06/27/2013 - 2:18pm

I think what you should do is going to depend on his reaction, and you should follow his lead with things. When my MIL was dying, BM, who was never even family so it is a little different, asked to come see her. DH said no. He did not want BM to interfere in his family, and he did not want her at the funeral (she didn't find out about it until after). For him, he wanted to have no loyalty issues with skid at the funeral. He wanted skid with him, and not to have to worry about BM trying to have skid sit with her and things like that. It would have just been an added stress he didn't need/want. My BIL's exwife WAS at the funeral and spent time at the house while MIL was dying. It worked for them.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 06/27/2013 - 2:31pm

I'm sorry to hear about your ExFil. It sounds like he's tired & ready to be at peace.

Offer your condolences for the family & mourn with your kids. The rest of the healing just comes in time.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Thu, 06/27/2013 - 4:57pm

I hate this and have,been thru it too. To me it helped when people came to visit and sit with him, give the family a break from all the worry.

Just be there for them, or take the kids over to visit may boost his spirits.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Thu, 06/27/2013 - 8:27pm

Exh is going to take them, my oldest was with their dad when he was told but our youngest is with me till tomorrow and doesn't know so it's been hard to pretend I'm okay. Worse my next 6 of 5 intern shifts are in exfil's district (I'm interning as a paramedic) so the worst case scenario is possible that call could be on me to save him, or call it. I will be letting my supervisors know in advance of that possibility. I will do my job, regardless but after I'll be done for the shift. Our kids are the only grand kids he has his youngest boys are 15 years exh's junior. Exh isn't taking this well from what dd says and his gf doesn't know what to do and is getting frustrated and pissy. I wish she and I had a better relationship and I could help her help him. i'm afraid that would be over stepping big time. Even worse it's one week till my ds's 12th birthday and 7 days 1 hour and 15 minutes till the 10th anniversary of my grandma's death my kids great grandma who was one of the most important people in my life and theirs.