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He's NOT gay! He's just feeling like a bad dad!

1tinsoldier's picture

I'm so thankful that I was open with him about all of my thoughts and fears. Someone suggested that I talk to him and we did but the fist conversation left me feeling worse because it added to my list of questions. However, we talked again...and then again...and then again. I started the conversation last night with the statement "You're gonna hate me for what I'm about to say!" He assured me that there was nothing I could say that would make him hate me! I revised the statement "You're not going to "like" me very much then!" He thought I was about to ask for a divorce, instead I told him I didn't want his children to come back to our home. I went on to explain that the BM had snatched them away from us after the stolen ring incident and that wasn't right to do. He faithfully pays his child support and has seen the girls everyday since their divorce except during seperate vacations. He's never been away from them til now. They haven't been back to our house since SD apologized to me for stealing the ring and BM said she wanted to keep them close to her until she could determine why SD14 was acting out. I told him that BM's selfishness was cruel and uncalled for and was an attempt to really punish him for adjusting the boundaries and his availability to HER.(dropping off and picking up and transporting and the 7-day back and forth, all of which meant he saw his Ex every single day. He did all the running around while she had very few responsibilities. He was at her beck and call daily, EVEN THOUGH she remarried many years ago.) When I finished talking I asked him what he thought about what I said. THAT's when I found out what the problem is. He said he'd been feeling really guilty about enjoying his freedom from them ALL. He went further to say he doesn't want to see them during his summer break AT ALL and felt like he'd earned that break but he really feels guilty about it. I reassured him that he had no reason to feel bad, he's a great dad! His demeanor brightened up, we talked most of the night and when I woke up his arms were tightly around me...so were his legs!!! lol When the alarms went off the conversations continued. THIS is the man I married. Whew...I'm happy to see him back.

Comments

goincrazy.com's picture

LOL

goincrazy.com's picture

I'm wondering if he's using that as an excuse to get you off his back for now?? He's pacifying you- there is a deep underlying issue still there and now that he's knows you might know he may go to further lengths to cover it up.........keep your eyes wide open girl

1tinsoldier's picture

He suggested I check the dates on the downloads and it was as he said "a long time ago" and with THAT truth I have to believe him when he says he hasn't done it since then. As it stands now his answers were reasonable but I will consider myself formally "warned" by you all. I didn't just chunk my women's intuition, once he opened up and started to talk to me my gut felt good about what was being said. If you knew me, you'd know that I don't turn a blind eye to anything but I'm the first to admit that sometimes I over think things and come to conclusions that may not be accurate. I asked, he answered and I have to go with what he said until I see something different. As for the SKids and the Ex, if I've only known them for months and they've made me sick...I have to consider how he feels after 10 years of this abuse.

hismineandours's picture

I dont think my man has ever watched gay porn either. However, i will say this in defense of her dh. Just because people watch porn of a particular type it does not mean that they actually want to do the things the watch. If a woman watches porn with two women kissing-surely you all wouldnt make the leap that she must be lesbian? Many people watch porn of things they definitely would never do and really would not want to do-simply because it's titillating. KWIM?

Not to say that I still wouldnt keep my eyes open for any further clues-I defintiely would! And I would definitely address the lack of sex issue? That to me is more concerning of whatever type of porn he may be watching.

BSgoinon's picture

Is it possible that they were pop ups that snuck in while he was surfing REGUALR porn? Or maybe he put in "gay porn" intending to find girl on girl, and that is what popped up. I can tell you, computers are tricky. If a site is even open for a split second it is recorded in the history. I know someone that was hauled away for child pornography, they later discovered it was a pop up add from other reg sites he was looking at, that was advertising "young girls". Maybe he is so embarrassed that he was looking at it in the first place that he just shut down.

I caught my DH looking at porn once. CAUGHT red handed... like, SAW IT HAPPENING. He denies it. Seriously, he denies that I saw what I SAW with my OWN EYES. Men are dumb.