How did your skid take your engagment?
So Ladies, BF and I have decided to tie the knot! 
It’s not official, in that he hasn’t formally asked me (with the ring), however it is official in that we do have our date set and deposit made. We have let close family members know because it’s going to be a destination wedding in February. We just want to give people time to book and plan ahead. So my question:
-How do we break the news to his daughter?
I personally think that BF should tell his daughter when it’s just the two of them, that way if there is a negative reaction then she won’t be as embarrassed with me there. We are also thinking of setting up a counseling session with her therapist and us as well. I love his daughter and we get along pretty well, sometimes there is the preteen behavior that all kids have, as well as hot and cold behavior (if BF and BM have a disagreement, the next time we have her she is reserved around me). Also, I know that it can be a blow to know mom and dad will not be getting back together. Maybe I’m over thinking this? How did your skid or kids react?
Either way we are waiting to tell her until he proposes (he seems to have some big plan).
Lastly, I would like her to be at our wedding and be my junior bridesmaid. I know some of the posters here had negative issues with the skids in/at the wedding, are there any good stories out there?
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CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DH told stepdevil after we came back from our trip out of town the day after he proposed to me. She threw a MAJOR shit fit because he told her where he took me as a surprise and how he proposed and she cried saying SHE wanted to go on that trip with him (because of the destination).
She got pissed and said she didn't support us, never would and that's when she cranked up the lying and manipulation. We originally set Jan 2013 as a wedding date so it would fall on the 2nd anniversary of us meeting. She said "well, at least I still have time before you get married" - by that she meant time to try and break us up. She said we couldn't get married, he and BM needed to get back together and that she was so unhappy.
She REALLY got pissed when we moved the wedding date up to June 2012, so my daughter and mother could attend the reception. That's when she lied to her mother saying DH called her a "slut" and a "whore" and she never wanted to come visit again. That was the start of her estrangement that has lasted almost a year now.
She's 14, will be 15 in a few months and he's heard from her only a handful of times in the past year and she's been rude, obnoxious or nasty every time. She's a spoiled brat.
I hope things go better for you guys. I know it made things extremely difficult for us!
Thanks Redwings- I really
Thanks Redwings-
I really hope that things don't fall out like that. His daughter and I get along pretty well. I know her BM tries to involve herself in our lives and seems to delight in telling BF how things should go down when his daughter is with us. His enforcing boundaries with communication has rocked the boat a bit and I'm sure there is a fight waiting to happen.
I'll be pulling for you girl!
I'll be pulling for you girl! This whole step-shit is no fun.
I got along fine with stepdevil14 in the beginning too. She claimed to LOVE ME and just was sooo happy for her dad. Then when she realized I wasn't going anywhere, her competitive nature came out and everything was "MY daddy" mini wife behavior. It just progressively got worse from there.
I hope your situation works out well and way better than ours with stepdevil.
Thank you!! I hope so too. I
Thank you!! I hope so too. I know how bad things can be, my step sister was horrible to my mother, she attempted to be a mini wife as well but dad nipped it in the bud long before he met my mom or us kids. She punished him in the worst possible ways and blames him for how shitty her life has turned out. I really hope that prior planning and weighing situations will help smooth out the rough patches. Time will tell.
I wish you nothing but good
I wish you nothing but good luck and best wishes for the future! If you ever need to chat, you know where to find me
Oh I will. And I'll need
Oh I will. And I'll need too, even with the best turn out this will still be a challenge. I'm just waiting for the teen years!
It sucks, trust me girl
It sucks, trust me girl
We didn't tell them. BM
We didn't tell them. BM interrogated them after each visit so we just didn't say anything. We did it through JOP (after 9/11/2001, we didn't want to wait to have a big wedding) so none of the kids were there.
We told them after it was all said and done and we were already married. BM found out when I sent home the new insurance cards that had my married name on them. BM had a conniption, I guess, according to SD. }:)
I'm worried about her BM
I'm worried about her BM having a fit as well. We are going to have to get a passport for SD and I'm not really sure how that's going to go over. That and she(BM) tends to go back and forth, or at least in the past she has, I'm picturing a no she can't come, wait until a month before then say she can and if we can't get everything ironed out quickly, then it will be see SD they don't care about you.
How old is your SD? Do you
How old is your SD? Do you have to tell BM you're going away to get married or can you just say you're going on vacation and then tell her when you come back?
That's a thought. SD is 10.
That's a thought. SD is 10. I'm sure she would tell her mother our plans, she is a good kid at heart, but like any other kid in her situation she will try to play both her parents. BF understands it for what it is, her mother not so much.
Me and DH told DD12, DS10,
Me and DH told DD12, DS10, DS9 and SS13 at dinner one day. My children were happy. SS13 threw a fit, said he wasn't hungry anymore and pouted.
Did he come around?
Did he come around?
Well, that depends... For our
Well, that depends...
For our wedding, we included the kids and went to the courthouse with FIL and my BFF. We wanted it to be just us and the kids and low key. SS pouted the entire day and cried during the ceremony.
Four months later we told the kids we were expecting a new baby sister for them all and he had another freak out and said he wouldn't love it and that it's not his blood. :jawdrop:
It's been a joy!n But he's coming around (or so everyone keeps telling me).
In the kid's defense, it's been a big couple of years for him. His mom was absent since he was 5 and she only started coming around when his dad and i got serious. So just as SS was getting BM back in his life and dreaming that his family would get back together, Dad and I were blending our families in prep for the next steps of our life together.
Congratulations on your
Congratulations on your engagement!
My ssons were only 5 and 3.5 when we got engaged and I was in their lives since they were 1 and 2.5. They were at the wedding and we actually included them in the ceremony at the end. After we said our vows, kissed and were pronounced as hubby and wife, the pastor called the boys over and included them in the closing remarks. I have an excellent relationship with my ssons so it was nice to have them be part of the day and I felt comfortable with the "promises" I made to them. Here's a portion of what was said:
Pastor: "There are children who will share in this marriage. The gathering of this new family
will deeply influence their lives. It will both complicate and enrich their lives. They also will have much to contribute to this family. This ceremony marks not only the union of DH and SM as husband and wife; it also celebrates the combining of SM with DH and his children, ss5 and ss4 to form a new family.
SM, have you taken intentional time to seriously considered your role in and responsibility for this family? Is it your intention to be protector, provider, mentor, teacher, companion and friend of ss5 and ss4? Do you commit yourself to be an example to them by the way you lead your life? With DH, do you promise to raise them to be responsible members of society?"
That's lovely!
That's lovely!
Congratulations on your
Congratulations on your engagement
I may have been the poster with the bad experience..who knows. my SD was included with everything and she acted happy. Day of wedding with her attitude was not so pleasant nor were the pictures that caught her glares. On the other hand, SS too was there and he was for his dad and I getting married. I think a lot of it depends on the maturity level of the Skid. Guess my only advice, is make sure you have several pictures taken without Skid in it unlike what I did.
Thanks Starla, we are going
Thanks Starla, we are going to have just the two of us pictures done, as well as pictures with the three of us...again assuming she gets to come.
My OSD took it OK. She told
My OSD took it OK. She told her dad she "liked" me and wanted him to be happy. I guess she had a sad look on her face when he told her he was proposing to me tho.
YSD was THRILLED, loved my ring and asked me if she and my niece (who's the same age as her) could be my flower girls. I was pleasantly surprised at her reaction
Even with all the PAS, my SD's couldn't fake their genuine pleasure, particularly YSD.
I think what really helped is DH took them to dinner one night, with my encouragement, and ran it past them he was going to propose to me. He wanted me to go but I thought it best he do this one on his own. That way the girls could talk freely with him.
Overall, it went well.
And..... CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement!!
It'sgrowing- I'm glad it went
It'sgrowing- I'm glad it went so well for you! I think him telling her by himself is going to be the way to go, like you said then she can speak freely with him.
Congratulations!!!!!! My SD
Congratulations!!!!!! My SD was all for me and her father to be engaged until it got close to the wedding. She was unable to join us at the wedding (we also had a destination wedding) and understood that but then BM told her we did it on purpose. So for the month before and a few months after the wedding she made it known that she thought we were trying to push her out of our lives and start a new life together, which is the farthest from the truth. I do think that somewhere deep inside she had hopes that mom & dad would get back together, even though it has been 14 years since they were a couple.
OSD then 18 was fairly
OSD then 18 was fairly pleasant, SD then 14 was low key when we told them, then sullen and withdrawn for a few weeks, then blanked her Dad and I for a year and did not come to the wedding. Prior to that we had seemed to have a nice relationship. She could not cope with the end of her mum and dad reunited fantasy and blamed her Dad and I. SD then 13 put on a show of enthusiasm and asked to be a bridesmaid but her heart was always with her mother. SD then 9 and SS then 7 liked me and were generally OK with it, but obviously it was a bit unsettling for them to see their Dad marry another woman.
My FDH told my SS12, but he
My FDH told my SS12, but he never acknowledged it at all. I just hope the little freak isn't in our wedding. It'd be kind of embarrassing having a child in our wedding that refuses to TALK.