Everything they do ANNOYS me!!!
My husband and I have been together for 11 yrs. I have two kids of my own an 13yo daughter and a 11yo son. My son was 2 1/2 mths old when we started dating. His 2 sons were 6 & 5 when we started dating, they are now 17 & 16 and live with us. I have pretty much been through hell with these two kids since probably a month after we started dating. They have been spoiled their whole lives by their Bio Mom and their Dad and their Bio Mom's parents. These two kids were very wild and destructive at a young age and their Dad would just excuse it constantly because they didn't live with him and didn't always want to punish them while they were visiting. They would go back and tell their BM lies about me. Like I was mean or one time one of them told here that I just stood there and watched him almost drown (when I was not even there with him or his Dad at the time he was talking about). My husband, when we were dating would kick me out every time his kids didn't want me around or if his ex-wife wouldn't want me around the kids. I have never been mean to these kids. They would come down on the weekends and pretty much run the house. ANYWAY!! The 16 yo came to live with back in OCT 2011 when he was 14. He snuck around and smoked ciggerrettes and dipped tobacco. He would sneak out at night or would constantly get out of bed and make noises throughtout the house. He would constantly get grounded. He would get in trouble in school and has been failing in school pretty much since. It doesn't matter what my husband or I do to him or say to him. He just continues to do what he wants and doesn't really care to change anything. He has told me that he justs want to do what he wants and don't think he should be punished for every litle things he does. Well my husband works out of town alot so I am the one with the kids all the time. He feels like his son lives in a prison and he needs to be able to have fun in life and not be grounded all the time. So he gave him permission to smoke and dip thining it would help the situation. WELL he was WRONG!! He has now had 2 minor in possesion tickets from school for having tobacco at school. He still constantly fails in school. He still sneaks out and he still roams the house at night. He has no respect for anyone else in the home. Well now the 17 yo moved in with us in FEB 2013. SO now I have them both as my husband is out of town working. They both smoke and dip. They are both constatnly failing. If you say something to one the other gets all up in the conversation. It's like they gang up. They are always talking about fights they have been in, or how they use to go to the stores around where their BM lives and buy tobacco or beer. Or talk about smoking marijuana. These are all things I DO NOT want talked about in front of my kids and have made that very clear. They are exposing my kids to bad behaviour. Well I could go on and on and on but, the thing is that they have constributed to SO many problems that it is to the point that I CAN NOT stand to be around them. Every little thing they do annoys me. I get anxiety everyday I get off work to head home because I just don't know what I will come home to.
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Yes it is very hard becuase I
Yes it is very hard becuase I love my husband very much and he has been good to my kids for the most part. My kids BioDad is not in their lives. So my husband has been there. I have suggested counseling but my husband makes excuses of either no money for that or that is won't help cause. I try to explain to him that his kids do not act the same when he is here as when he is gone. They manipulate him to see things how they want, mainly the 16 yo. The 16 yo has major attitude and temper issues. Him and my 11 yo do not get along AT ALL. My bio kids DO NOT want the two stepkids living with us at all becuase it is non stop drama. My husband and I have talked about divorce because the drama and stress in just overwhelming. But I do not think we should end our marriage becuase of bratty kids. But my husband feels like he has to chose between me or them.
"My husband, when we were
"My husband, when we were dating would kick me out every time his kids didn't want me around or if his ex-wife wouldn't want me around the kids."
"Well my husband works out of town alot so I am the one with the kids all the time. He feels like his son lives in a prison and he needs to be able to have fun in life and not be grounded all the time."
It's been this way for 11 years. What makes you think it will ever change? If you are so unhappy with the situation, then you have to be the one to change it. And the only one you can change is yourself. Pack up. Leave. You can do better. Your children deserve a better environment.
You can not imagine how many
You can not imagine how many times I have heard that I should just leave becuase it will never change! Even though I know this is true it is very hard to leave the man I love becuase his kids are being selfish BRATS. Even though most of the time my husband and I do consider this at times becuase it will probably solve the problem for him and I, but why should I let these kids control our marriage. I just hope that they hurry up and graduate school and move out. My delima is can I get rid of this anger and resentment I have towards them to be able to deal with them for another 2-3 years.
The things she quoted are
The things she quoted are about your husband's behavior, not the kids. Your H kicking you out so that the kids or BM wouldn't be pissed off isn't the kids bratty behavior, that was your H telling you that their happiness is more important than yours. That was your H disrespecting you, not the kids.
And the way the kids are allowed to be brats is H's fault too. The kids are acting the way they've been allowed to act. And it's more important to H that the kid have fun than be a decent person, so I wouldn't expect anything to change.
I think the point of the previous post was to indicate that your resentment might be better directed at your H than at his kids.
My husband has been putting
My husband has been putting his foot down with the kids more since they have lived with us and it really has not made much of a difference with the 16 yo. The 16yo has told my husband that ONE of us had to leave(me or the 16 yo). My husband told them both that he was NOT going to lose his wife again that if I had to leave then they would have to go back to their BM. But that has not made much of a differnece but a small difference. The 16 yo is determined to get his way and thinks he should be able to do whatever he wants.
The 16 yo has lived with us
The 16 yo has lived with us for roughly 2 1/2 years now. He constantly lies, he steals money and cigerrettes. He is constantly arguing with my 11 yo son. When he does visit with his BM which might be once every couple months he tells her lies about things at our house. He tells his BM and Dad that he is treated differently my his Dad and I and that he feels like noone wants him around. His BM couldn't handle him that is why his lives with us becuase BM and him would argue and curse each other daily. He disrepects his BM ectremely. He says he hates her. Me and him did get along and bond for a while and then when I figured out he was manipulating me and cause me to be angry with my husband and his BM I had to take a step back and actually look around and watch him and his behaviour. He is does whatever he can to get sympathy to get his way and now that BM, Dad and I realize this. He feels like noone wants him around becuase noone is kissing his behind anymore.