If you have read my previous posts you'll see we just recently moved into our new place. It's about half an hour from both bs15 and ss16's schools. I have a client that I work with every morning from right after I drop the boys off until noon and then 2-3 days a week I work with another client from noonish til 4pm.

I also work Saturdays and a couple evening shifts, but during the week is when the boy's school schedule is critical and that is what is already starting to break down.

Today I had to work the afternoon shift and since DH had an appointment out of town in another town an hour away bs15 arranged to stay at a friend's house. Well everything kind of fell apart for him, the bus driver wouldn't allow him on the bus unless he had a note signed by me and staff, I had sent a note but bs15 didn't get staff to sign it. So his friend called his dad to come and get them but the dad was busy, so they walked. Ok not bad yet, well when they got to his house the dad said the kid had an appointment and they had to leave. Bs15 texted DH having forgotten about dh's app b/c he knew I was at work, DH didn't answer so he finally texted me and I asked him to just hang on that I'd get off work early and be there soon.

Long story short, when we got home DH was HERE(?)!. I asked him why he didn't answer bs15's texts and he said he didn't like being TOLD he had to pick him up. I read bs15's texts and they were simply asking dh if he was available to pick him up, dh never answered. I was shocked dh would do something like that b/c I do sooooo much for his brat, especially right now with dh's cancer and now living out further, I have not only dropped off the boys 5 days a week but pick them up 2 or even 3 of the days. This morning I could have let ss sleep in and taken bs to school if I had wanted to be a jerk like DH was today b/c ss didn't hear his alarm.

I get that he has cancer and is in need of rest and not driving all over, I get that, but right now he is driving late in the evening to pick up ss16 from youth group and has no qualms about it. I offered to go this evening to pick up ss but I think dh was feeling guilty.

Anyways, maybe he is practicing disengagement but at least let me know so I can arrange my work schedule? But recently DH has been talking weirdly and saying off things so I think the chemo is making him and bit forgetful and quite irritable and short with all of us. I almost dread how he's going to treat bs17 when he's home for a visit this weekend.

Sometimes I ask myself if I am honestly going to make it through all this intact. Why didn't the cancer show up AFTER ss16 moved out so I wouldn't have to parent that kid more. I am working two jobs, cooking every meal, cleaning, driving kids to and from school, and trying to unpack into our home.

I am so tired and wonder daily if I can do this one more day.