Can a 17 year old decide where they want to live? (Off Topic) UPDATE
I haven't been here in a while.
DH had a detached retina and some vision loss issues over the past year so our lives got pretty shaken up and off track for a while. It was a horrible ordeal for DH but the interesting thing was, it brought about a huge change in my SS17. He grew up a lot over the ordeal and became much closer to DH.
We have just moved back home this week - military transferred us back home and we'll be here for good after DH retires in a few years. SS17 desperately wants to move in with us.
DH has not called the attorney yet. He has been waiting to see that SS17 is sure about his decision first and he wants to talk to attorney in person, not over the phone.
SS17 has lived the past 2 years with his grandparents. BM keeps and uses the child support for herself. SS17 has barely any decent clothes and desperately wants braces. They won't take him to get a driver's license because they don't want to pay for his car insurance.
BM says that SS17 can come live with us as long as she continues to keep the child support. DH cannot afford clothes, food, braces, etc, etc, in addition to child support.
I would think at this point SS17 can easily choose where he wants to live, now that we are back in the same city as him? And shouldn't the child support be stopped? DH thinks BM can easily drag it out so that she continues to receive child support for another year while we support him... She has absolutely no money for an attorney but her parents have historically always paid for her attorney fees.
However, the grandparents are getting tired of SS17. They are tired of him asking them to buy him clothes and braces with his child support money. I don't think they want to be bothered with SS17. SS17 has finally opened his eyes to their abusive behavior and is growing increasingly disgusted with it... We could see a gradual change in him but after the stress we all three went through together with DH's eye, SS17 unexpectedly had a big change in his attitude and behavior... for the better...
Am I being too optimistic and is it better to leave him with the grandparents if DH cannot afford legal fees + child support + actually supporting SS17?
I didn't know anybody else to ask about this except you guys...
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Comments
In your situation, I would
In your situation, I would say yes your SS can chose to live with his father. He is 17 and living with grandparents. I think there is a really good chance he will get his wish in court.
Good luck and sorry to hear about your husband's eye problem. Thank God he is still on active duty and health care is covered.
Yes, he is old enough to
Yes, he is old enough to speak for himself & most likely will be able to live with you. Then file an immediate child support modification. BM has no right to use child support for herself especially if the child is not in her care. The judge will most likely grant it all in your favor. In our case, since BM dragged it on so long & kept taking the CS, the judge required BM to give us BACK the money---meaning now she owes us. LOL. And she thought she was so slick.
It's better that DH gets custody now of the kid. He'll feel less guilty in the long run. But personally, I'd be more concerned with your own welfare as teen skids aren't easy. Good luck in all
I would think that at 17 he
I would think that at 17 he could just move into your house... but that isn't why I'm posting.
If your Dh is active duty then your SS can get braces from the Tricare dental program (I hate it when they change things on us, I had a hard time going from Delta dental to UC and now whomever has the contract). It will cost, but you need to start before he's 18.
Kate
Yes same goes for active
Yes same goes for active "civil servants" with state/government insurance/ pension regarding this coverage. You have to start as a minor.
Tricare (met life now) only
Tricare (met life now) only pays max of $1500 for braces. I never knew they had to be minors. Also, if you live anywhere near San Antonio you can get on the orthodontic waiting list at Lackland. It's free.
Thanks for your feedback and
Thanks for your feedback and info. Thank you so much!!! It is encouraging.
I did not know Tricare would only cover under the age of 18. I am considering adding my stepson to my insurance as well so we can have the benefit of both insurances. We need to get moving on this. We are actually still in the middle of our move so we are a bit overwhelmed. But hopefully soon we can figure this situation out with my stepson.
Another problem is, we do not know if the grandparents or mother would even take him to the orthodontist even if we paid for it. They may not even bother to take him which would place further complications on the whole issue. They have been known to do things like this.
BM is supposed to pay half of all medical expenses but says she won't pay for braces. She won't pay for clothes even. She doesn't want to pay for anything. She tells my stepson "ask your dad" for every single little thing he wants.
We are in Texas. Anyone with experience in Texas regarding child support modifications? Typically Texas seems to go in favor of the mother above the kids or dad in our experience.
You do know that if you have
You do know that if you have any other insurance, Tricare is automatically the secondary insurance, correct?
I live in TX, this is a big state so I am sure things vary from area to area. Your SS is 17, he can pretty much pack his bags and move into your home and not much can/will be done about it. After he moves in you motion to have CS stop.
Let's put CS modification in
Let's put CS modification in a different light since he's 17. Even if you pay only $150 a month for CS for the next year till he turns 18, that adds up to $1800---a big chunk for braces. If you're in a position where the courts will grant you a lawyer at no cost if you can prove you cannot afford a lawyer, you have the right to explore & DISCOVER who was claiming the child as the "head of the household" for tax purposes &/or if there was any checks claimed from SSI (if BM collects state checks herself) for this child as this is a very unique situation where there are grandparents involved & the BM lives in a different state from them & child. If your income is too high where the courts will not grant you a lawyer at no cost, then I'd say it's not worth it because the cost of the lawyer will be greater than the year's child support amount. Hope this makes sense
Good luck!
DH has a good lawyer in mind.
DH has a good lawyer in mind. This lawyer already worked on a previous child support modification so he knows the situation. (It is a bad one...)
DH just got here two days ago and just started his job today. He plans to call the lawyer and find out how to modify the CS order as soon as possible.
I am worried but hopeful. I don't see how a BM whose son hasn't lived with her for two years and who cannot stand the sight of her could retain "custody" and CS but stranger things have happened.
Just to update... DH got
Just to update... DH got custody of SS17. It was a surprisingly simple process.
That was two weeks ago and the attorney office still has done nothing to stop the child support though.
They say it will take 4-6 weeks for them to process this. Really?!? BM is going to get at least 2 extra months of child support and there is no way she will ever pay any of it back.
Is there nothing we can do?!