Burning Mad...
Who has successfully kicked out a lazy adult skid?
For months I have watched SS18 lounge in his pj's and scrounge through the fridge and pantry for food. No I won't buy him food. 1. He only eats garbage. 2. He seriously threw away every good meal I cooked him, out of spite.
It is getting to the point that I detest him beyond what I can stand.
DH won't be back for almost two months and I am here recovering from surgery, dealing with this disgusting bum.
I feel my blood pressure rise every time he walks by me.
How do we get rid of him???? DH actually thinks he is making an effort at college which is a big joke. He is using us for whatever he can get.
I am burning mad and I don't want to be like this. I am not one who can control my anger for too long, not with disgusting behavior like this.
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There is no way DH will allow
There is no way DH will allow this.
He will keep babying his baby boy even if it threatens our sanity and our marriage.
It will take college failure - a couple of semesters at least - before DH will finally act on any of this.
I want out of this. I don't know why or how I have tolerated this much.
... and right here my dear,
... and right here my dear, is your problem.
I suspect that this is how your SS18 has operated all along? I suspect that playing video games and lounging around the house in his PJs 24/7 is nothing new? your DH and BM created this monster.
In all honesty, you can't expect the kid to turn 18 and magically get motivated, be driven to learn, to get good grades, have good work ethic etc. if nothing has ever been expected of him in the past. His parents set him up for failure just like so many others including my DH. They have crippled him and now he (and you) and the rest of society will pay the price.
It makes me sick. I preach to DH all the fucking time about it, but nothing changes. It's lazy parenting at it's best. Lazy parents beget lazy kids, beget lazy adults. PreK math right there, but for some reason so difficult for people to see.
Ahhh...so the problem is your
Ahhh...so the problem is your DH. And your DH is gone and left you with skid. Well that's nice. lol
I am going on the assumption that SS is in college and works part time right?
I would call DH and tell him that you can not take sitting around the house with SS any longer. (I assume you are off work for a short period due to the surgery?) Tell him that if SS is to stay in the house, then you will make him a chore list that needs to be done everyday. Then stick to it. Make him do some cleaning and yard work. If he refuses then he needs to find other living arrangements.
Maybe it will make him get out. But be prepared for blow back.
My son still lives at home and go to college. Full time at both. I dont' really have any chores for him to do at our house. But I love him and don't mind him living with me. Your DH make take the same stance.
You do not let him play games in the common area do you? If so...he has to stop and go play in room. Just make it un comfy for him to live there.
OMG...I just read what could
OMG...I just read what could possibly be my future with SS now 16. Can DH at least give him a call to give him some orders, chores, something? Video tape him doing nothing in case he lies about what he's been doing when your DH gets home.
I agree that if some prevention has not been done to give this kid some responsibility, by this point you are between a rock and a hard place trying to get your DH to see that this kid is a smoocher. My SS16 can be just as lazy, but he has always had chores that he needs to get done before sitting down like a slob on the couch for hours. At least I can say he does something, but he still tries to manipulate things to try and get out of it. maybe set up a list of chores he needs to do to make his stay at home unbearable. Then, maybe, he'll prefer to be elsewhere if life at home is not so comfortable. If he refuses, then don't do anything for him.
Yes, DH is really the
Yes, DH is really the problem.
DH left him a detailed list of things to do but he is doing none of it without a great deal of prompting by me. It is making me anxious and irritable.
DH will no doubt call and read him the riot act. And SS18 will ignore it.
DH bought a bunch of food to leave for me until I can get myself to the grocery store. SS18 keeps coming into the kitchen and rummaging around. Asking if the cheese sticks or something are mine when he knows they are and wants me to say he can have them.
I guess I am doing something right. I won't let him have my food.
I do not make SS18 comfortable. He has to play games in his room. I think he knows I cannot stand for him to be in the living room because he never uses the couch or TV.
I make him pick up every single little last item and crumb belonging to him. He is not allowed to leave a mess in my house, not any mess at all.
I am cordial but I can no longer force myself to be friendly. He disgusts me. I am one week post-hysterectomy and I am more active than this bum.
I am calling the counselor
I am calling the counselor who DH himself went to just before my surgery. As soon as I can drive I am scheduling an appointment with the guy and then DH and I will follow up when DH gets back.
This counselor flat out told DH he has got to change things with his son. This is why I want to go to him. He is a man, DH found him and he clearly told DH that SS18 cannot behave the way he behaves. DH still keeps saying over and over "I just don't get it".
I told DH that I intend to tell the counselor SS18 either needs to get off his butt or get out of the house asap. I am going to push the issue and use counseling to help me get through this. I am tired of battling DH about this.
I want to take the games out of SS18's room and force him to get out of the house instead of laying around and laughing. But I am afraid of too much conflict and tension when I am supposed to be recovering from my hysterectomy.
I should NOT have to be dealing with this. DH has left me to take care of this pathetic 'child'.
This is why I will not let
This is why I will not let another adult live with us and now that SD is an adult, that includes her.
OMG so even legally he can
OMG so even legally he can basically be a squatter in our house?!
DH still thinks he can "talk" to his son and keeps talking about how far his son has come.
Really?! SS18 is running the show here. He does as he pleases with no consequence. I am truly the only person who has ever kicked this kid's butt in gear.
I feel degraded that every morning I have to repeatedly ask SS18 to get up and feed the dogs for me because I cannot bend over yet.
DH doesn't get why I feel degraded.
SS18 has burned his last bridge with me. He is hateful and lazy. He has totally taken advantage of my post-surgery vulnerability.
If DH is going to let SS18 stay here and continue to manipulate, I intend to make life very uncomfortable for both of them.
Yes, in a lot of states,
Yes, in a lot of states, because that is his legal address, you would have to go through the eviction process. IF he knows about this, he could force it.
But if he doesn't and you and your DH (but it sounds like mostly you) can get him out without the fuss, then great.
Make it uncomfortable enough that he decides on his own to go to BM's or Grandma's and DON'T let him come back except for the occasional 1-hour visit. Make sure he changes his address.
Good to know! I keep hoping
Good to know!
I keep hoping he would join the military but I think he would choose to live in the street before he did something drastic like the military.
When we kicked out SS37 when
When we kicked out SS37 when he was 20, he was working full time and did help a bit around the house, and he's always been great with our kids. I don't agree with adults not living on their own but it was do-able. Then I caught him selling drugs. (to "supplement his income"). I told DH.... there was a tipping point where he doubted if I was telling the truth, I said "ask him". SS told him the truth and was gone in a week, after almost getting in a fistfight w/ DH. I was SO steamed that DH doubted me. I let this man stay with us, opened my heart as I did so many, many times before, and he SELLS DRUGS??? He could've gotten our kids shot! It was either him or the kids and me leaving- my kids weren't going to be subjected to that.