Hi, Welcome

Don't stress too much about how people see you (as dtzy says) you're already there regardless of how you behave. You could fart rainbows and you will STILL be perceived that way.

I think the advice dtzy gave you was great - talk to OH - tell him you want to have a discussion about your role as you feel unsure in a few things and don't want to overstep the boundaries.

Lay out your concerns (whatever you do DO NOT badmouth the child no matter how much you might want to LOL) Just express concerns use eg's that OH may have witnessed - say "I just want us to be on the same page, for example if {incident OH witnessed} happened and you weren't there - what would you expect me to do, I would want to do blah" hope that makes sense! Come up with scenarios and situations, and just in general rules and expectations, and then discuss how you both feel they should be handled. Lay out consequences so you BOTH know what the rules are and what will happen if they are broken.

Once you have your plan discuss it all with child so HE knows where he stands too. EG - sit him down and say something along the lines of how the situation is new to all of you so OH and you (ideally OH does the talking) have discussed how you want your home to work, and these are the rules for your house etc. Allow the child some input - discuss the expectations and ask what he thinks and why you have that expectation, ask what HE thinks some of the consequences should be (I find my dd's would be a lot harder on themselves than we are - always makes me laugh!)

Good luck. As long as you and OH maintain a strong partnership you *should* be able to negotiate all the hard stuff.

Oh Honey, don't ever feel pressured to LOVE the kid. It is NOT essential.

You may never achieve that, but let it happen naturally if it's going to.

I have the food issue here too (ss9 and sd12) it's a control thing. Mine will eat whatever dadddeeee cooks though - so he cooks when they are here. Simple.

If the cups bug you - talk to your OH (yes it's a small thing - but I find that the little "petty" things grow into really annoying behaviours when there are so many of them!) So - deal with what you CAN change - the whiney BM talk - not a lot you can do if OH isn't onto teaching him NOT to whine. Using 20 cups? Talk to OH, say it's a small niggle but it bugs you, can we have a rule where he uses 1 cup and re-uses it? (I have 5 kids at home so I sure as heck have this rule LOL the skids had a hard time at first, but they are used to it now - easier for me though as I could say 5 kids getting a new cup/glass each time I'd be at the sink washing up all day LOL)

I guess what I am saying is pick your battles - work with OH on the things you CAN change and then the ones you can't won't bug you as much.

Good luck, and welcome again.

Run girl! Save ur self from the never ending drama before he knocks u up n its too late! This is probably not what u wanted to hear n I didn't read what they comented but I'm talking about experience.. I've been with my Hubby for about 10 yrs n the drama with everything having to do with her being my sk is still going on.. I wish u the best n sorry for my negative opinion n welcome to the site..