why part time parents can never win (take with a grain of salt, humor & sarcasm)
Reason 1. You are considered the "bad" one regardless of how things came to be they way they are.
2. If PAS is involved, the only time the kids seem to remember you is when they want something.
3. You desperately want to be involved with your child, but are only able to at the mercy of the parent that they live with.
4. You cannot have a life. People judge you on every choice made. Criticize you for everything you do or don't do in regards to that child or children. You are only exempt if you wait idly by until you are sure whatever you want to do will not effect your child in any way.
5. *most* divorces or relationships do not end well. Therefore many people have issues with one another that they cannot let go of. Many who use their children to hurt that person are the primary parent. Which introduces PAS.
6. Child support and custody arrangements are often flawed. They ate vague agreements in law that will be enforced only if you have the ability to fight, which often cause more strain and issues.
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Comments
Sorry. I don't agree. Non
Sorry. I don't agree.
Non custodial parents don't need to get the short end of the stick. They CAN be involved. They can attend the child's activities, be involved in their schooling and work on being just as much as a presence in the child's life as they were when the child lived with both parents.
Parents can shape their lives around their children whether they live with them most of the time or not. They can live close to the other parent and make sure they remain involved. They can have extra parenting time set up during weeknights.
It's all about choices and how you choose to set up your life.
I agree non custodial parents
I agree non custodial parents CAN be involved and fortunately many are. Sadly, when poor choices are made early on in life they resonate forever. This is why I included to take with a grain of salt, sarcasm and humor
I have to say i agree. I know
I have to say i agree. I know many people who would have things completely different if they could afford to fight the courts but are strapped for one reason or another. Often times because of child Support. It isn't always cut and dry like you may think it is
I don't understand why people
I don't understand why people need to use their kids as toys in their game of life!!! Non custodial parents should have just as much rights to their kids as the parents who have them most of the time. It is up to the non custodial parent to make the time to be as active in their kids life as possible and if the custodial parent has an issue with that well then that's just pathetic and again is hurting the child and you need to bring them to court to change that. I would never ever keep my son from his father, ever!!! You know why, because my son will hate me in the end!!!
Exactly. If a parent is
Exactly. If a parent is involved with a child during the time of the parent's separation, then there really shouldn't be an issue as each parent continues doing the things they did with the child and relationships continue to grow.
I think what happens many times is that one parent may not be involved and is fine settling with EOWE and then wonders why the kid doesn't want to visit them with their new home, new family, new life.
Again, its all choices.
I don't agree. What about the
I don't agree. What about the parents that WANT to go and be at every event and be a part of everything their child does and that child, in return, wants NOTHING to do with that parent? What if you really are doing nothing wrong besides being a responsible parent and that child HATES you for it? All because it isn't as "fun" as being with BM or because said child isn't getting their little hinny kissed, even though the non custodial parent tries everything in their damn power to make it "fun" and give that child the things that they want? What then? It isn't all about choices when you have NO choice in what the other parent does or says to that child. You have your hands tied behind your back and there is no way around it.
Well, I think that comes down
Well, I think that comes down to being selective regarding who you choose to procreate with. Sometimes people jump into things without taking the time to fully evaluate the situation AKA they are blinded by LOVE!
Then these same people claim that the person did a 180 at some point and all of a sudden they are crazy.
Choices.
Now sure, some people really do come down with mental illness later in life and some people do become drug addicts later in life, but I bet that there were signs or that there is a family history.
Heck, all of us Step Parents should have probably taken quite a bit longer to evaluate our new situation prior to jumping in and falling in love with our new partner - and everything that comes along with it. But no. We were all in love, thought we could work it out, chose to ignore red flags, etc.
Choices.
Again, very rarely are people victims of circumstance.
I agree! Children should
I agree! Children should never be the victims in a divorce but some people choose to put their hatred of the other parent before the needs of the child.
It isn't all choices! SO has
It isn't all choices! SO has his son sun-tues and wed- Friday but any time she gets a stick up her butt, she can take him whenever she wants because he won't fight without the best lawyer and he can't afford that right now. He says all the time that he isn't going to risk having him only eowe when grew has him all of the time. If it ever got too bad i know he would buy his theory its why mess with what is working. Not everything is choices. If both parents could be civil and do what is best for the CHILD w would have many more happy children and families and a lot less court dates and strong arming.
This is a choice: " because
This is a choice: " because he won't fight without the best lawyer"
You can take someone to court in proper and represent yourself. No one needs to get the best lawyer in order to hold someone to a court order (I'm assuming that they Sun - Tues and Wed - Fri is court ordered, if not, then if that's what has been happening, make sure it's been documented as the status quo).
I still think it is choices. Everything from who you choose to procreate with to how you choose to parent your child, to how you set up your life as a whole.
I'm sure this post comes from specific things that BM is doing that I am not aware of, so I'm sure you have lots of anecdotal evidence to support your view point.
I just really think that everything comes down to choices. Very rarely are we TRUE victims of circumstance.
young but wise, I think your
young but wise, I think your so bm needs some help. Its sad she cant make up her mind about her own kid. Your bd needs to do anything and everything possible sooner than later to get this fixed so that the kid doesn't become a pawn in her game!!
LOL. So True! "Who would
LOL. So True!
"Who would have guessed that there are so many insane BMs and stupid DHs."
True Dat!
Yes, things are about
Yes, things are about choices. I chose a less than ideal person to marry the first time and subsequently had two children. Young, dumb and really thought I could "fix" all that was broken. I chose to remove myself and my children from a emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically abusive situation. I choose to not badmouth my ex to my sons because it was as if I was telling them half of what made them was, in a sense, bad. I choose not to compete with my ex who bribes my children and trashes me, my family and friends to them on a regular basis. I choose not to try to bribe and beg my youngest son to remain with me if he was going to act out, be disrespectful and try to play both sides in order to get whatever he wanted. I choose to love my children and try to do what I hope and pray is best for them based on what BOTH their parents have created for them. I continually come out as the "bad guy". People don't have to like my choices. I chose to get remarried and have another child in hopes that I could show my older two that what they grew up with is a CHOICE and they can CHOOSE to repeat it or try to make a better childhood for their own children and they do not have to live in a situation of fear and pain.