The stress is getting to be too much. If I could I would go back in time and never marry the first time. I wouldn't have my boys but I don't really now. OBS won't see me hardly thanks to PAS. YBS is so much like his father with the lying and drama I cannot enjoy when things are going well. I feel like telling him to just go and try to come up with cs for them. I feel like a failure in every sense of the meaning in regards to them. I should have left their abusive father before the wedding. Maybe I wouldn't hurt so much now....