ya know what sucks about this paragraph:

We had a pretty good talk after that. I told him that him ignoring me makes me resent sd11 and that's not me. I don't like feeling resentful. He insisted we go back to the boat so he could teach me how to drive it like we planned. Finally made her move her ass into a more appropriate seat. I had a nice time after that and learned a lot. She pouted the whole time.

Her interruptation:
That bitch pouted and got her way. She was not privi to the conversation that took place at the picnic table that it is two adults trying to find comman ground. AKA next time if I pout I will get my way.

It is "her" fault Daddy made me move.

The list goes on and on.

Daddy is the saint and you are the bitch...and it grows like cancer.

Ive lived this more then once, I just wish it didnt all have to happen like this...Im sorry this happened to you and you had to have that conversation with a grown adult.

WHY dont DH recognize this shit before you have to remind them and then they take action...?

First thing that comes to my mind is that you also need to speak up to SD. Tell her to get up because she's in your seat. She doesn't expect you to sit in the back seat of the car, does she? You're an adult and you have every right to tell kids to move. You're probably just a bit cautious of doing it since it's your SD. (just my guess).

It sounds like SD could have benefited from a reminder from DH to thank you as well, since the gifts and breakfast were also provided by YOU. Sounds like DH could have used a reminder as well.

I know for me, I need to CONSTANTLY remind DH about what is appropriate and what isn't. I swear, in the beginning of our relationship when we started to spend time together with all the kids, I think I was constantly coaching the poor man. It wasn't that his way was wrong, it was just that was the way he had been interacting with his son, on his own for 7 years. I let him know that we were the adults, that we make the rules and the decisions and that the kids are MORE THAN LUCKY to be included.

No we don't ask 4 kids (i have 3) what they want to eat for dinner every night of the week. No we don't let them pick how we spend our time. No we don't jump up to fix their video game console that they just messed up by pressing the wrong buttons on the TV remote. No we don't go give them extra hugs and attention if they are throwing a fit or are unhappy about something.

Sometimes these men are just used to doing what they were doing and they don't give it much thought. But they mean well and can hopefullly make the adjustments if they want things to work. It sounds like ultimately some good came out of everything, so you know there's hope.

You say that you want SD to understand that you and dh are a unit

...do you understand that? Tell the kid to move, you are an adult in the family....part of the parental unit with her father. If dad doesn't catch that she's in your spot..... Hey SD, slide down. Dad is teaching g me to drive the boat and I want to sit there. You don't have to be mean about it...just tell her to move. If she hassles you or questions you...then be more forceful. Don't expect dh to read minds....just speak up. That will show her the new normal more than anything dh does. Take your place and authority in the family, don't wait for dh to make the space for you.

She thanks dad for the easter stuff and he doesn't correct her that is was you.....answer your welcome with just that slight attitude. She will get you point and so will dh.

I think this is so hard for my husband because I am asking him to change a lot about the way he interacts with sd11.

Yes but is what your asking him to change healthier for SD?

I tried all this with DH trying to faciliatate a healthy, father daughter relationship because what they have is far beyond dysfunctional ..

lmfao ....go read my last two blogs cutting up her pancake, hugging and kissing and tickling her all the time... like she's 7 instead of almost 12.

My SD is 17!

By your DH saying what he did' are you mad because she is sitting where she is sitting'
or something along those lines means HE knew exactly why you were upset...and he should have done soemthing about it before you had to ask to go to shore. But good on one hand that he figured it out on his own.

Surely as long as there's a balance and he sits with you sometimes and next to her at others, that ought to be OK? Is your DH never going to be allowed to sit next to his daughter when you are there? That doesn't seem very fair. How would you have felt if your son was 11 and your partner insisted that he was never allowed to sit next to you? I fear that you are setting her up to resent you and feel hostile and competitive - particularly since you are making no secret of this battle over seating.

Funny that's your reaction Both, when dh and I did therapy it was the first suggestion we got. We sit next to each other always.. we walk together she walks behind or in front or to the side of me. He said his time to sit next to SD was when they were together with out me. It is a common tool used by therapist so that you are viewed as a team.

I agree with the public battle part, I made that mistake and in would say it is the biggest mistake I made in all of this. I stopped saying it to her and started saying into him. Then he'd address it. Kids aren't dumb they know the only reasons he is ragging on them is because were rtagging on him

I agree your place is by his side, but I fail to see why you couldn't ask her to move. If DH didn't back you up I would have asked to go to shore, but it smacks of the same sulking SD was doing if you didn't even ask for what you wanted.

Yes, I have to agree with echo. You are obsessing about this way too much. if this little girl didn't hate you before she probably does now. speak up for yourself and stop dragging your husband into it

"Speak up for yourself and stop dragging your husband into it."

I disagree with that. If you've read any of Katielee's previous blogs you would know this is partly her DH's fault for treating his DD like a mini-wife. She has stated she feels like a 3rd wheel on a date with them so that isn't all the SD. Her DH needs to stop treating his DD like she is some kind of equal to his WIFE. She is the child, and this would never happen in a bio situation, she would know and understand and accept that her place is in the back seat, walking in front, etc.

And as far as Katielee's not just telling her SD to move, I get that too. How many of us do things like that with nothing but the best intentions, and get accused of "picking on" our step kids? Quite the slippery slope sometimes.

I recall a recent post that described the dynamics of these situations very clearly. If you, an adult, go to your husband to referee disputes between you and SD, you become her peer and surrender your adult standing. You are the wife, the adult, and what you say goes, what you want takes precedence over what she wants EVERY TIME. But only if you stand up for yourself as an adult with standing.