My advice to you would be to go on dates together and not to move in with this man for a very long time (or never, if things don’t change). 

Some men seem to enjoy being worshipped by their daughters, and in turn daughters learn to get what they want. The dads do not see this for the manipulation that it is. 

This type of behaviour is very difficult to change - I repeat THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOUR IS VERY DIFFICULT TO CHANGE. 

What are you getting from this relationship if he doesn’t say I love you after 4 years? Is this really worth your time and energy when you could meet somebody that appreciates you? 

When  I try to subtly and VERY tactfully bring things up, he says I'm sorry you feel that way about SD and that you don't like her.

He is also a bit manipulative, I see. That statement is a way of him to not deal with your concerns, while at the same time, putting it back on you and putting YOU in the hot seat. Not cool.

Very smart of you to not move in with him, however, he doesn't seem emotionally available, either.

Four years and he won't tell you that he loves you? Do you feel that he does? Well, doesn't really matter, if he doesn't say it, that can't feel good.

Personally, I feel that you deserve better. This family has some healing to do and he really had no business getting into a long term relationship. Everything seems to be on his and his daughter's terms. You shouldn't have to settle for crumbs.

Do we have the same SD? 

Mine is also 13 and wow. She sounds a lot like yours. It helps me personally to understand the reasons why this behavior happens--it allows me to have empathy. I still want to throttle her frequently, but hey--I'm human. 

I understand that my SD hasn't grown up with a strong woman rolemodel (perhaps sounds similar to your SD?). Her confidence is low. She in particular compensates for this by talking way too big for her britches. She compensates for her perceived weaknesses by being tough. She displays incredibly annoying attention seeking behavior and manipulates situations to her advantage.

She's an oxymoron. She wants to be "sexy," but doesn't want to brush her hair, teeth or take a shower. No one has done a proper job of teaching her these things. 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be sexy per se, but rather it depends on where it's coming from. I can tell that, to my SD, being sexy equates to being pretty and she craves the attention she thinks she'll get from it. Those are not the right reasons. But she gets this from her mother, who seems to carry the same ideals. 

I too, have tried to give my sd tools to help her out with all this "girl" business. I've bought many things and given much advice. To no avail. 

She is her mother's daughter, not mine, and she will continue to behave in all of the ways she has been conditioned to so far in her upbringing. I thought maybe I could be helpful. But it only exhausts me. It's annoying to me. People should have done better by this kid. But what can I really do? Everything good that I do try to impart ends up falling on the deaf, stubborn ears of a seriously messed up 13 year old little girl.

At the very least, my husband hears my thoughts and concerns and does his best to take my advice or meet me halfway. I think he'd just been a weekend dad up until I came into the picture and didn't give a lot of these things much thought in the past. He does now and wants to do better. So that's something. But if this guy of yours is unwilling to see any error in his ways or is unable to take constructive criticism from his partner...well, it's probably not ever going to change. He's allowing himself to be manipulated by a 13 year old and that makes me question his intelligence. I can't tell you what to do there, but you can disengage in some ways from his daughter if you choose to stay. I've still got a long ways to go on my journey as a stepmom, but I can tell you for definitely damn sure you can't help (or fix) people who don't want to be helped.

I'm still stuck at 4 years and won't say he loves you. You deserve much better then this. 

Hubby that there were major issues with skids affecting the harmony and environment of our household and hubby claimed they’re just being their normal reclusive self and they love me blah blah blah when we haven’t even talked for several yrs despite ss living in same home as me, he just pretended me and my kids were invisible 

once we were married 3.5 yrs hubby was dumbfounded how bad things were and saw the dysfunction. He had his head buried in the sand a long time and even his siblings saw that and confronted me about skids. All i could say to them is “you’ve got no idea how bad they treat others and their dad is nothing but an atm. They do not care how hard he works to make life comfortable or appreciate how easy life has been for them compared to others. They just love playing the cod card but they have severe mental issues courtesy of bio mum, her whole family are bloody nutters.

op, this man hasn’t seen anything wrong, he isn’t changing anything whatsoever and if you do a full on confrontation he will be in major denial... he doesn’t see his daughter dressing inappropriately etc.

so sd had her period, she could have stayed home and your bf come to you for a few hrs but we all know she’d have a meltdown at that.

there are better guys out there than this and you’re at the stage now of evaluating your relationship and whether you are willing to tolerate this which it looks like you aren’t 

I wrote a long response, but I had to go away from my phone. So it’s a bit more blunt than I would like.

a) a short break

b) ask how he feels about counselling. 

I mainly wanted to say that I can see you were badly treated by your ex. At the end of the day your life is up to you. 

As you have managed to establish a relationship with his son who has autism (my daughter has autism), I would suggest you have strength of character and kindness that you aren’t aware of as people don’t seem to have fully appreciated you. Therefore there definitely would be other people out there that would see this and appreciate you, so try not to get stuck in this for years and years more unless you are happy with your decision...,

Happy Easter, I sympathize with you, that sounds awkward and demoralizing. I would move on, or at least demote him and date other people. He either thinks this behavior is fine, knows it's creepy and enjoys the attention, is a creep, or doesn't have the balls to stand up to his daughter. I suspect he doesn't have the balls to correct the behavior, so it will mosy likely get worse. It also sounds like the girl may have been abused, maybe by someone in mom's circle, or watched bioho in action. You have to protect your son and yourself. This man is not worth ruining your life. Also, I would recommend you get counseling for yourself, a bad marriage can wreak havoc on your self-worth and cause you to accept subpar treatment in subsequent relationships.

Have you considerd changing tactics and asking him if she dresses skimpily for the sake of your son? Bet he reacts to that (wicked grin).

Have you considerd changing tactics and asking him if she dresses skimpily for the sake of your son? Bet he reacts to that (wicked grin).