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DH depressed over SD

porcelian-doll's picture

Submitted by porcelian-doll on Sat, 03/09/2013 - 4:03pm

Last night I caught DH in SD14's room sitting on her bed. He looked so sad. I asked him what’s wrong. I feel bad because He is so upset. Thinking of how sweet she was when she was a little girl. Now that she is acting out it’s like he barely knows her. I just held his hand. I wish he could be happy. He has just been so down the last couple of days. There is nothing I can do or say to make him happy.

I have defiantly decided I want to start trying for a baby in the next 6 months. But I want him to be happy before I tell him.

Comments

StepDoormat's picture

Submitted by StepDoormat on Sat, 03/09/2013 - 4:35pm

Sometimes I wonder if our DH's would struggle with similar teenage problems if they were still in intact families. I mean - teenagers suck. They suck worse when they've been PASed or can manipulate divorced parents. Sometimes, I just want to tell my DH "OMG - they are teenagers!! What the hell do you expect?!"

But - Like you, I often end up feeling sorry for him. Sad

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Sat, 03/09/2013 - 4:48pm

and I agree with this, I do not think these dad's would react like they do if it was not out of guilt sometimes. My Dad, wow, he would have made my life Hell had I ever talked to my Mom the way OP's SD talked to her.

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Sat, 03/09/2013 - 4:55pm

LOL..."teenagers suck."

They definitely can!
I've found that the ages of 12-16ish have been the most difficult. It's gotten younger with each kid...SD was normal by about 17, DS18 was normal by about 16, DS15 was normal by 14, and DD12...well, we're just starting out!
Teens are notoriously difficult.

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Sat, 03/09/2013 - 4:47pm

It is no skin off our backs as SM's when the skid is gone, SOME of us, notice I say SOME, not all for those of you that like to nitpick, SOME of us, we don't have that bond, we were not there from birth, they are not our children, so we will never understand how our spouses' really feel. My DH is so manipulative though, I would immediately assume his "sadness" was a tactic to make me feel so bad and guilty I forgot why I put my foot down in the first place. Totally not saying yours is doing that, but after what SD and BM have done and said to you, DON'T forget it and DON'T forget that it is not your fault she is not there, she is choosing not to be there in order to attempt to get her way with your DH.

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Sun, 03/10/2013 - 6:17pm

Yep.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Sat, 03/09/2013 - 5:55pm

Cheri, i am sorry you are so worn out. Hope tomorrow is a better day.
I have a 13-year-old son and i feel at my wits' end with him just as often.
I have no idea where my genes went with him. He is smart but difficult and outright mean at times.

I can only hope that in the long run things will work out.

Every parent has their own disappointments to deal with.
Taking a long-term view is what might help.

Porcelain, your DH will have a long relationship with his daughter.
There will be better times. I promise.

silentnites's picture

Submitted by silentnites on Sat, 03/09/2013 - 9:21pm

Prayers...It is the worst age ever, especially with girls.

It's so hard too when parents don't raise their kids the same way. Your up against it all the time.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Submitted by oncechoosetosmile on Sat, 03/09/2013 - 5:17pm

He needs to start focusing on his own life more.I am a mum of two teenagers that I love to bits.Although they are not bad kids at all I find that this is the time in my life where I need to let go a bit gradually emotionally.The laziness, the attitude, the frustrations can easily get under your skin if you grief too long over what you have lost (the cute little kids).He needs to face reality- the kid has hit a difficult age and that does mean some kind of trouble in nearly every family.Teenagers need firm rules and at the same time love, but they can't be treated like little kids anymore or grown adults already.He needs to adjust quickly or the kid will dance on the table - staying strict but at the same time letting go of the feelings that the little cute girl is gone is hard, but maybe necessary.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Sat, 03/09/2013 - 8:21pm

I am so glad I do not have a SD. SS27 is pathetic but I have no problem allowing him to be homeless. It would be harder with a girl.

I do feel sorry for DH that his sons were so pathetic. But reproduce with trash and you may get trash. Although BM was on the surface very respectable. But internally - trash.