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Snapped on DH and just lost it

porcelian-doll's picture

Submitted by porcelian-doll on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 10:54am

I am having his kid and yet he has been so distant lately and almost seems like he doesn't care. I told him how much I love him and I can't wait for us to have our baby and be a family. I looked him in the eye and held his hand with tears in my eyes and all he said was "Oh ok well I gotta go to the store".

I just lost it. I said to him. Really? Really? I have do so much for you. I have almost lost myself so you can find yourself. I put up with your daughter to make you happy. I cook and clean for you I even shine your shoes. You wanted a baby so bad and now that i'm pregnant its oh whatever. I've seen the scrap book of BM's pregnancy so what is it you already had a kid and went through the great excitement so now I am just whatever? You haven't taken one picture of me you don't want to cuddle with me and you barely spend time with me. What is it do I have to act like BM to get your attention huh? Do you want a woman that treats you like shit? Is that what you want? Because I can treat you like shit and not do a damn thing for you and then cheat on you. DH says to me " BM wasn't this annoying".

I'm Done I'm Done I'm done. He tried to apologize and say he said that in the heat of the moment. My bags are packed and I want to punch him in the throat. I've been crying all morning.

Comments

myspoonistoobig's picture

Submitted by myspoonistoobig on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 10:59am

What the hell? Is there some metaphysical DH asshole button that someone's been pressing lately?

This is the third time I've read about someone's husband saying something completely callous to their spouse, like my DH would be living with his parents the next day callous!

Stick with being done honey. Do you have parents or friends you can go stay with for awhile?

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 11:00am

I can imagine that it's got to be infuriating and gut-wrenching to hear him say things like that .. but he's probably also tired of being reminded of everything you do for him, including giving him a baby (didn't you want a child too?).

I think the horomones and stress of a new baby are getting to both of you .. and maybe a day or two apart wouldn't hurt.

And if he doesn't appreciate what you do for him, stop doing it. If he's only with you because you cook, clean, and shine his shoes .. is that what you really want anyway?

fakemommy's picture

Submitted by fakemommy on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 11:04am

I have to tell you, in the beginning of my pregnancy, I felt very similar to how you are feeling now. Advice given to me, and that I will give you now (because they were so right), is that it takes men longer to get excited about a baby than women. My DH love love LOVES kids, so you can imagine my disappointment when he wasn't over the moon about it during the end of the first trimester-second trimester (ya know after the initial excitement wore off). I'm 30 weeks now and he's probably more excited than and I am and more motivated to get ready for the baby. Don't compare your experience with him to his with BM. It is a completely different situation and the way things look from the outside aren't always how they actually are. I so did not listen to my friends who told me it would take time, but they were sooooo right. So, try to just let it happen for him in time. (the BM comment was terrible though, I'm sure he regretted it immediately.)

myspoonistoobig's picture

Submitted by myspoonistoobig on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 11:18am

It was completely different for me. My DH was great all through my pregnancy. I, on the other hand, experienced some serious fear issues and was irrationally worried about everything. I couldn't control any emotion, and I was a total basket case. All the other pregnant women I knew, older and younger, were super excited to be pregnant and it was incredibly embarrasing to feel so miserable.

I went to therapy on my own because I didn't want to take everything out on DH.

And I'm so glad I did too.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 11:06am

Maybe its time for him to fund you a day or two at a luxurious hotel so you can forget all about him and his baggage and be pampered like a husband should his pregnant wife!

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 11:37am

DH says to me " BM wasn't this annoying".
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
UGH!! :jawdrop:

myspoonistoobig's picture

Submitted by myspoonistoobig on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 11:48am

"if couldn't think of a single positive thing to say about having a child with me (which he claims to want) than to STFU and fake it — like I have for the past 8 years concerning HIS kids!!"

Oh snap!

porcelian-doll's picture

Submitted by porcelian-doll on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 12:06pm

laying in bed with my stuffed panda reading these comments and I'm not sure how to feel. I am a bit calmer but I am still hurt at how he has been acting and at the comment that was made. I think I just need time to clear my head.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 12:25pm

At least let him know that the next time he EVER compared you to BM will be the day he will start having to look forward to paying CS for ANOTHER offspring!

WarmBody's picture

Submitted by WarmBody on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 1:45pm

What did he even mean? What is it that you were doing was annoying to him? That's what I'd like to know if I were you.

My guess is he doesn't want to have you be as excited and talking about being pregnant as you are but only because it isn't something he's as excited about or wants as much as you. He's probably thinking of the added expenses and time and how if you guys ever split his child support will be outrageous. He's wondering if it will distance you from your step, etc. The more you're into your own kid the more his fear that you won't love his will grow.

So he says something to shut you up. He doesn't mean the hurtful things so much as he just wants you to be hurt enough to stop talking without letting you know why. I doubt he cared for BM more than you but he probably loved his first born more than he loves your unborn child at this moment. That can change. Like some said it may take time for him to bond with the baby. Some guys don't even care about their kids till they are walking and talking and able to do more exciting things. Kids that live with the dad will be the ones he bonds with more than his EOW kids.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 2:36pm

Some guys don't even care about their kids till they are walking and talking and able to do more exciting things?

This was my DH, thankfully he was clear with me right from the beginning. That he was not really into the whole "infant/baby" stage of childhood, so I didn't push it. Even before I got pregnant, one of DHs bitches was how when BM2 was pregnant with SS14 that she would DEMAND that he go to ALL of her Dr.'s appointments with her.. even on days that he had worked a double shift and had zero sleep and had to go back in for another double that same night. So I never demanded or even asked DH to go with me. I would tell him when my appointments were and let him decided if he wanted to go or not.

I just truly think it's different for alot of men to get excited for something that is not tangible at the moment. We woman have that little one growing inside of us, we are having symptoms, kicks, etc. for men I think it's like trying to get them excited for Christmas in April. My Lord, I can't even get my DH excited about doing something on Saturday on Thursday. It's like he just can't see that far ahead. lol

Your DHs "annoying" comment would have really pissed me off though so I can see why you are upset.