On Separating Finances - cross post

What do you think is fair in this case?

DH brings home about 75% of what I bring home from my job ($2800 vs $3600). I also get another $1400 for child support for my three kids that we have about 65% of the time. SS is with us full time except he is every other weekend with his mom and she pays ZERO in child supprt.

I'd really like to separate things for many reasons, but I don't want to be unreasonable. Any ideas?

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i think alot of the ladies on

i think alot of the ladies on this board have dh's that are saddled with huge child support payments and like to "splurge" to excess on their kids. we've been forced to separate our finances for self preservation.

My biggest issue is that I

My biggest issue is that I handle all the finances currently and DH just hands me his check. I get POed when SS13 doesn't take school seriously because he is private school now and I am the one writing the $1k tuition check each month.

I feel like DH might care a bit more if he was the one seeing the money move from his account - or better yet, when he realizes he can't afford to do things he wants to because of this tuition check he is writing each month. I think it doesn't bother him as much because he is basically oblivious to the household finances. Before we were together and combined families, he was barely making it, behind on bills, etc.

I just don't like feeling like I'm the Sugar Momma in the home.

^^^THIS. Somehow I ended up

^^^THIS. Somehow I ended up paying all the household expenses, food, cell, clothes, etc. in addition to my personal debt and he pays for his truck payment, insurance, and personal debt. BM is years behind on her CS (and will be in jail b/c of it soon). Essentially, I'm 100% supporting three kids who are 0% mine. Have I mentioned we're not married either?! There's something seriously wrong with me.

OMG. Either you are a saint

OMG. Either you are a saint or are crazy!

I get infuriated because I have one SS that I am supporting while BM sits on her ass working her 5 hour a week job and claiming "I'm low income, I can't afford anything, blah, blah, blah".

I make about the same as DH

I make about the same as DH and we have separate finances. So I don't fall under your observations.

I decided on separate finances for a reason, DH has his head up his ass when it comes to his kid. If we shared finances, I would begrudge his kid every cent that went her way. Additionally, I would make DH check with me before spending any money on her.

With separate finances, we put our money into a joint account and/or each of us takes care of certain household bill (I pay for electricity, he pays for cable, etc.).

As long as his part of the household bills are paid, I don't give a s**t how much money he spends on his kid.

Likewise, I buy myself what ever I want, when ever I want.

DH recently made a comment about lending (read giving) his kid money even after college, when she's out on her own. I asked him if I had any choice in this matter, and he said no.

My response was "If I don't get a say in the matter, then we will always keep our finances separate."

I've always been very

I've always been very traditional with my thoughts on marriage and family. I think a woman should stay home with her children when they are small and the man should support the family. This was generally the case with my ex and me.

When we split, I was working in a commission-only sales job and an evening and weekend work schedule. This would not do for a newly single mom, so I had to go get a regular 9-5 job so that I could work while the kids went to school. I've built my career in the years since our divorce. I probably still don't make as much as my Ex - especially since he now runs his Father's company, but I do fine.

Coming into a new marriage, I want us to share everything but I am very MAMA BEAR-ish when it comes to my babies and I want them taken care of. I don't like it when my finances are stressed due to DH and SS - even though SS is in that school with my children on my insistence as I knew it was the best thing for him. Still, I struggle.

I want to preserve what I have for my children, but I also want to honor our new family and it is a constant internal battle.

Logically, I have thoughts on the issues. Emotionally, I have these selfish feelings that make me want to protect and preserve what is "mine".

I'm irritated that I'm getting ready to have a baby, but I won't be able to spend as much time home with the new baby because of the financial strain of SS and DH. Yes, I knew this strain existed before I went and got myself knocked up, but I didn't realize I'd have these feelings of resentment towards SS. I just figured I'd make the best of it given the current family situation.

Oh, it's complicated being a woman...