Finances- the Debate
Just a bit of background-
I don't give any money toward child maintenance, or toward my partners two boys. this makes my partner think that i am in no way financially effected by his decisions to spend a lot on his children.
Although,as he spends so much on his children,such as numerous days out and countless restaurant meals, on top of the extortionate child maintenance he pays his ex wife, plus having to pay bills for 2 houses, a mortgage and tax bills.
This means that he has very little money to go on outings, or do things with me. Of course this is his choice. But this brings forth the debate that if i want to do something enough with him, should i pay for our outing? For example, im going out of the country in March for 5 weeks, and want to do something special with him before i go, like a spa day. this will cost me 2/3 rds of my weeks wage for both of us for the day. I dont have that much money as I'm a mature University student with a little bit of savings. Should i start paying for both of us to do things? Is it okay for me to choose to spend the little income i have on me and him, when he spends the mass majority of his on his kids? I understand why he does this, and i know he wants to do things with me, but cant afford to do both.
P.s. I have no financial commitments, no house, no mortgage etc. Oh, and i don't have a relationship with said children, so doing combined things is unfortunatley out of the question
thanks
We aren't married, and we are
We aren't married, and we are only semi living together as I am studying away from home. We don't really argue about money, but I do get ratty when he complains how little he has now (he as quite weathly before he divorced) .
^^^^I AGREE^^^^ I dealt with
^^^^I AGREE^^^^ I dealt with similar. I'm a single mom, was sometimes barely skating by and paying for mine and my ex bf's dates because he was 'broke'. Then July 4th came around and he spent all this money on fireworks for his kids! I felt so stupid. I'm a quick learner, though. I think he is showing you what's important...his kids. I personally would not pay for more than he paid for. I know it's different because you don't have kids to spend your money on, but still I don't think I would want to pay for all my dates with my boyfriend. I definitely wouldn't do the spa day, either way. Are you crazy?! LOL
If what you want to do is
If what you want to do is going to cost 2/3rds of a weeks wage, you might want to consider doing something more modest.
I was married for ten years and we went on one vacation the entire time. The only outing we ever did was $20 for movies. That's all we could afford so that's all we ever did.
There's nothing wrong with your SO spending money on his children, however, I can see it leading to resentment if he takes his kids out to eat all the time and can't afford to take you out every once in a while. I don't have an issue with going dutch with someone, but at some point it's going to get old. Add to that if you see him spending all kinds of money on unecessary things for his kids, and after a while you are going to get tired of always "getting the short end of the stick", so to speak. Something you need to think about.
I totally agree with Cheri. I
I totally agree with Cheri. I understand that there are things he has to pay for. But spending tons of money he already doesn't have to spoil his kids is not cool. So, he can do what he wants with his money and you foot the bill for everything else?
My SO tried combing finances, and it was a nightmare. He spent way too much on all sorts of things. How can one man go to the has station 3 times a day and spend 60 bucks? Drinks, snacks, candy, coffee, cigarettes, whatever.
I couldn't handle it. Our situation did not improve, until I started doing things on my own. We often go dutch, but if a man cannot afford to at least take me out to dinner once a week, when we rarely see each other without kids, or work etc, then I would have to consider the eventual outcome.
If he can't afford a girlfriend.... Or to at least split thongs that u guys do together... I don't know.
If I understand it correctly
If I understand it correctly you're not married to this guy and live in his home on a part time basis when not attending classes so I'm going to assume about 8 or 9 months away.
Since you pay no rent at his place you could spring for a days vacation for the two of you.
Don't marry this guy unless you can put this issue to rest. You'll do that by having (if) any inheritance you expect laid out ahead of time and put down in a NON-revocable Trust and you'll keep your incomes seperate to spend as you two please.
Remember you'll always be second fiddle to the kids and their demands/needs for money will expand as they grow older. College, automobiles, tours of Europe and Asia, housing and incidentals like a credit card.
Living in England we have a
Living in England we have a month off uni at Christmas , in April and about 3.5 months off in the Summer.
I like to spend some of this time volunteering or on holiday.
Otherwise I'm spreading myself between my parents home and his (so my parents can go on holiday and I can look after dog/
House). When I do live with him I pay for food, but he refuses to let me pay toward anything else. He isn't crying poor as I've seen his income, and I've seen how much of his hard earned money he's had/ having to give his ex. He used to have such a high flying job for about 9 years but hated it and started working for himself. In this time his then wide spent the majority of that money, and is not dubious as to share costs and money in fear that a woman will do that too him again
he IS crying poor in that he
he IS crying poor in that he can afford to take his kids out all the time, but can't do anything with you. a wise woman once told me that if you follow a man's money, you will find his heart.