I can't believe I found a site for the misery I've been enduring for over 5 yrs! It's been pure hell and everyone I know has made me feel like the worst person on the planet. I'm not mean. I'm not evil. I can't even raise my voice to someone else's child without feeling guilty for months after. But, nothing has made me feel more like a bad person than the role of STEPmom.

To not feel a genuine love and excitement to see some other woman's child has made me feel guilty and SAD beyond belief. I met SD when she was 4. DH and BM had been divorced for a year and BM had full custody.

At first, SD was extremely receptive to me and even preferred me to DH. It was hard and I was NOT excited to see her like DH was, but I did pretend I was. DH and I got married when she was 6, at which time DH got full custody because BM couldn't handle it anymore. Yeah, lucky me. It was all ok for 3 yrs because gradually, SD came to know only me as her full time mom since her BM abandoned her...and went on to commit 3 felonies.

But as luck would have it, BM decides to show up after 3 yrs to "visit." She takes SD for a summer and when we get SD back, it's a complete nightmare and stranger living in our house. I can't stand her anymore. I used to tolerate her but now, after BM's temporary influence, I simply can't stand this rude, hateful child.

Is it not more damaging for a stepchild to see the absent bio just pop in out of the blue than to just move on and accept the family that is raising them full time??