I know where you are coming from. There are times I read a blog and literally have tears running down my face. And sometime I just get, flat out PISSED!

DSO paid his CS religiously and some extras, skids didn't get any of it.
BM lost custody and is currently 28 months behind of her paying DSO.
She can't even do fun stuff with the skids on the weekends she has them.
Well they get to play Farmville.

Same in our situation. BM lives off the CS because she refuses to get a job. SD has nothing over at her mom's the only time she does fun stuff is with us. Her BM cries poor single mom to everyone. Yet she makes no effort to get a freaking job!!! A new grocery store opened around the corner from her apartment. Literally a 3 min walk to work they were hiring anyone with a pulse yet BM said she was too good to work at that store. Really???? :jawdrop: :jawdrop: Too good to work for a living I just want to smack the stupid out of her!!!

I totally agree. Our BM is CP, gets a shitload of CS ($1800 per month) yet shes got the kids conditioned to have the skids wait until they are with us, to ask dear ole dad for Additional $ because BM told them that they can only get certain things or play Addl sports, if only their Dad would pay more!!! That crazy woman truly believes he doesnt "help out financially enough" & has no probs telling the kids that!!!!

She pays her mortgage pmt with the CS. She would be happy if DH lived in a cardboard box & handed over his entire paycheck!!! Lol....nah, she would prob tell him to get another job. Lol!!! The skids believe their moms bs & constantly call or come over for visitation with their hands out for more & more $. Im sadly watching all this & it breaks my heart. They feel like if dad doesnt give them gobs of cash & stuff, then hes just not worth it to them. Its very sad!!! You wanna just tell them the truth, but thats a fine line.

this is both my BMs... BM#1 is much too busy being the crazy trailer park skank to do anything with her FOUR kids (only SD14 is DH's) She just leaves them with her mother all the time while she is out NOT working, I swear her daily agenda is to see just how much chaos she can cause (even her own mother says this), the ONLY time SD has ever been out of about a 2 hour radius of her home is because DH has taken her somewhere.

BM#2 will do things with SS but ONLY if it's something that her current BF is interested in. Like the last BF liked to bike and play tennis, so SS would get to do that, and the BF was like a kid himself, so he would play video games with SS and actually took him to a couple of amusement parks...but now that BM is with her new 21 year old BF, I have no clue what they do, according to SS a whole lot of nothing... Hell, DH BEGGED BM to get SS involved in Soccer, baseball, ANYTHING and she couldn't be bothered AND the damn sports complex where the majority of sports are played in our area was directly behind her apartment complex... I mean literally a 30 second walk. DH hates her to this day for being such a lazy, skank about it. And again, the ONLY time that SS has ever been out of about a 2 hour radius of his home is because DH has taken him somewhere...

I swear my BS who just turned three has already experienced more culture and fun things in his three years than the skids have in 14 years. but that is how I was brought up, my mom was awesome, we travelled, we learned, we did things ALL.THE.TIME.... maybe it's a generational thing too, I highly doubt either BM has ever been out of the state in 38 years. whatever...

It is sad that these morons get to breed at all. This is why when a divorce occurs or an out of wedlock child is born fiscal ability to support the child should be a major requirement for custody.

My wife was a single teen mom who had our son when she was 16. She went on to graduate with her HS class with honors, a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors and is now a CPA.

The SpermIdiot went on to a stellar breeding career of 4 out-of-wedlock spawn by three different baby mamas (My SS/son is his oldest and our only), lives rent free in a home owned by SpermGrandMa and SpermGrandPa who raise the younger three SpermIdiot spawn in their home without help from DipShit and they paid 17 years of his CO'd CS for my SS.

Parents like those you detest and like my Skid's SpermIdiot should not be allowed to breed at all much less repeatedly. When one of their Spawn makes it to birth then for sure custody must go to the other parent or in many cases an ven a more responsible adult.

IMHO of course.

Tell me about it! I get CS for my BS9 and I literally spend every penny of it on my sons tuition! But my BF's XW who is a complete waste of skin uses it on...hair, nails, tanning, new cars, etc. MUST BE FUCKING NICE!!! While she is making herself look "good" on my BF's dime...skid is overweight, has the grossest, yellowest teeth I have ever seen, is glued in front of video games, etc. of course skid has name brand everything and a flat screen tv and other useless shit but that isnt what CS is for!!! It is meant to pay for the CHILD'S NEEDS and to suuport them. Not feed their faces into obesity, or have them glued in front of a game system etc.

Why is it that us DECENT BM's always get the shitty BD and shitty CS, if any, and make it work and barely complain while the biggest fucking gold digging loser tramp BM get the good BD that pay a huge amount of CS while the bitches use it on themselves 90% of the time!!!!???? UGH!!! BURNS MY F'N ASS!!!

It just pisses me off to no end that my poor BF gets raped in CS that basically pays for some lazy bitch to live the life while my BF and I can barely get by and can't even have our own home etc. at least not until the kid is old enough for BF to stop paying for!!! And he's only 11

Our BM cries poverty, yet she wears designer clothes, shoes & handbags. Buys herself iPads, eats out, takes cabs everywhere, but when it comes to buying SD12s necessities all of a sudden she's POOR. DH pays 180.00 a week in CS, yet SD is always needing something because BM won't buy it out of the CS.

Our BM would say she was poor as well. Yet she bought a newer 5 bedroom house for her and the two skids only AND would have her groceries delivered. Now, grocery delivery doesn't COST all that much in our neck of the woods but you CANNOT use ANY coupons if you do it that way!

Even when I was a single mom attending college and had to get food stamps...I STILL used coupons!

Thankfully this is the ONE problem I don't have. We have primary custody so DH pays nothing to the BM. Which is good since she has a history of being really bad with money (taking $$ from kids' college funds to play the lottery).

Our BM gets $1500 a month for CS, lives off the interest from DH's investement that she got when they divorced and was able to keep 75% of the equity from their home sale which was enough cash to buy a new house outright.

She also took the Cadicllac Escalade that was pid off and traded it in on a smaller Cadilllac.

Of course, she had a job for a litttle while as an Admion but quit and told DH that it was too hard to work and raise a child.

what fucking ever

My XH doesn't pay CS. Yes, he should, and yes, I should take him to court and enforce it. Why don't I? Because the hassle of trying to collect along with the whining and more than likely PAS on how we have so much and he has so little to my children is not worth it.

But, it makes me sad. It makes me sad that thier father who claims to be #1 Dad and Dad of the year doesn't feel he is obligated to support his children financially. I divorced him because he has a spending problem and is entitled as the top 2 reasons and I couldn't afford to be married to him anymore. But it still makes me sad to see that he is so entitled that he feels its my financial responsibility to pay for everything because I make more than him. Yes, I do make more, I also have my children 80% of the time and he doesn't put a penny to them other than feeding them when they are at his house.

My XH is perfectly OK with this, he also has no issues in asking me to pay for things for his household and yes even for his new kid - not kidding. He asks for hand me downs from my children for his new kid becuase after all, it is their sibling don't ya know. No, I do not give hand me downs to his other kid - bad enough he gets his 2 daughters for free, I will not extend to support his new kid on top. And yet, he sees no issue in asking.

He is entitled and I am sad to see that extends to the girls. It makes me angry some days but sad most other days - its no different than the BMs that use CS for themselves - my XH doesn't pay CS and uses the money for himself only.

Certainly things are skewed here. It's a venting place. When things are going well, people are FAR less likely to come here to report. Granted, it happens once in awhile, but people don't look for support when things are good.

I wonder if a lot of SM's find themselves in such a confused whirlwind when things go sour because the BM's they're familiar with are NOT crazy, mean, negligent, sour, jealous, bitter.

That's something that I really struggled with when I felt beside myself in my situation. I have ONE friend who is a SM. We're great friends. Her BEST friend is their BM. I've never been a step-anything, so her experience was all I knew before my situation, so that's what I was expecting my experience would be like.

I tried SO hard to be BM's friend. I tried SO hard to be more likable, more understanding, more helpful, etc. It took me a loooong time...several years...to accept that it didn't matter what I did. She didn't want another woman around her kids. It was HER problem. I also realized that the more effort I put into trying to make her like me, the more I was probably pissing her off which of course didn't help. I still care for her kids when they're with us. I still love her kids. I continue to build my relationships with her kids, but I stopped trying to have a relationship with her. I can see, now, where there's a good chance she felt like I was being too in-her-face. When things are already troubled, that can't help. My intentions were good, but they weren't wanted or needed.

You find a place like ST & it's easy to fall into the BM hate-pit, because there's overwhelming goading understanding & "support" for it so the hate presses on.

I think it's important to keep our minds straight & acknowledge the fact that while there are many bitter, jealous, & angry BM's, there are also many bitter, jealous, & angry SM's. We read it here EVERY.DAY.

I'm not a BM, but I can only imagine how I would feel sending my child into someone else's home. How many people post about their DH's who aren't responsible for their own kids? I'd be leery about sending my kid to a home where dad isn't paying attention & SM can't stand him.

I just don't think it's reasonable to lump BM's together & SM's together. There are extremes on both side. It's all individual & has so much to do with differences in parenting & boundaries & compatibility.

Just like there's no how-to for being a stepmom, there's no how-to for being a bio-mom.

That said, I do agree that a lot of what we read here is very upsetting, but I read about behavior on BOTH sides of the fence that make me sad. It isn't all on the BM's.

My DH pays his support as ordered. He doesn't complain about it. I don't complain about it. I wouldn't respect him if he didn't.

As long as the kids have food in their bellies (which I know they do because they get an ass-load in food-stamps) & they have a roof over their head & clothes on their bodies, I don't care how BM spends the money. I figure if she chooses to blow it on herself she'll be the one responsible for finding someone to cough up money for the stuff for the kids when they need it.

I just read that the following States a child support recipient might be legally required to give specific details as to what the Child support is spent on?

In the United States, 10 states (Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Indiana, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Oregon, and Washington) allow courts to demand an accounting on expenses and spending from custodial parents.

As far as I am concerned some of the amounts that are paid in CS seem quite excessive. I am not even sure how some manage the payments and still manage to pay for their own housing food etc?

To begin with partner was paying CS and also majority of clothing, toys etc...including having them nearly 50percent of the time. Now, I've opened his eyes he's a little firmer and now BM doesn't ask on top of CS. He does still buy on top but stuff that isn't necessarily covered by CS such as helping his eldest son buy his bike, or helping pay his daughters holiday. CS is to pay for a roof over their heads, clothing and food, not "extras" such as gadgets, phone bill etc... That's down to whatever parent decides they want their child to have that particular item. For instance, BM got Skid an expensive phone contract but didn't expect partner to pay for any of it as that was her choice. Same goes if partner had decided to get the contract instead.
However, I certainly don't believe that the non custodial parent shouldn't have to pay, that's ridiculous. The only time that should be acceptable is maybe if there's 50/50 custody. Other than that parents should be made to pay for their kids regardless of if they live with them or not. Partner had 4 kids to pay for and sometimes I do think financially we'd be better if he didn't pay CS but they're his kids and he wouldn't dream of NOT paying for them. Partner pays by what he earns that particular week as he's self employed and doesn't go through CSA. He hasn't worked in 2 weeks due to the boat he relies on for work sinking but he still managed to scrape together the minimum he owes a week. I work so don't rely on partners wage to keep us financially comfortable. So, when he paid the maintenance that obviously meant I would be paying abut more out than I usually do, that doesn't bother me as my son as not going without and know partner would do the same for me if I paid maintenance.