DH problem with my son.
UGH!! My son lives with DH and I. He is 19, works 35-50 hours a week and goes to college full time. He is a HARD worker. Always has been. I do not ask him to do much around the house. He basically only showers and sleeps there anyway. I usually only see him on Saturday for a few minutes before he goes to work.
His responsibilities are to take out the trash on Monday and Thursday mornings. And he has to deep clean the common areas once a month. (He actually pays a cleaning lady to do this for him! Lol) and I don’t care as long as it gets done once a month.
He is on winter break right now. So he has 3 weeks off of college. Still working 40 hours a week though. I told him that I will take out the trash for him during this time. I do this because he is my son and I want to do this for him because he works so darn hard. It is no sweat for me to run the cans to the road before I go to work. I want to give him a little break and not make him get up at 7:00AM when he does not have to.
Well this just upsets my DH to no end. He got pissy with me this morning and said that I have a son that should be doing that and blablabla.
I just want to slap him this morning and this is not the first time he has got pissy with me over this exact same scenario. This is actually the only issue he really has, but it really makes me mad that it makes him mad. KWIM.
Why does it upset him so much if I want to do something nice for my kid once and a while? ARRRRGGG!!!
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Cause he's an idiot like my
Cause he's an idiot like my DH. God forbid WE actually act like mothers and do something loving for OUR children.
He probably thinks you are
He probably thinks you are spoiling the kid
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You are probably right. But that would make me want to choke DH if he was ever dumb enough to voice that opinion. Especially considering the way he raised SS. Now that is spoilt.
I guess I can see both
I guess I can see both sides... I mean I work 40 hours per week and don't get a free pass on doing laundry, taking the garbage out, cooking etc. just because I work.
If you were doing it all the time, I might see where your DH bitch was valid, but you are saying you have just done it a couple of times so I don't see the big deal.
I guess too, if flipped around?? If my SS was 19 and living in my home and I saw DH doing one of his chores for him, I would probably be annoyed too.
I have 3 adult bio's who live
I have 3 adult bio's who live with us, go to school and work. They have chores like wash towels and do their laundry and clean their rooms. The youngest takes the trash out and takes cares of the snow. The older one takes care of the lawn.
DH has 2 boys who are here half the time. They have chores but DH doesn't see it through with them. They are the laziest bunch.
If his kids don't do what they are supposed to do, he has multiple, useless excuses. If mine reject DH's request to "watch" his kids, then he claims my kids don't do enough, their immature etc.
I hate double standards. I would tell DH, that even though you realize this upsets him, you are his mother and if you want to do something nice for your son, you will. He can either accept it or allow himself to be upset over it. If he chooses the latter, he's just wasting time stewing. And if I were you, Id do my best to ignore DH and give him no attention for his choice of behavior.
Your child, your decision. Hang in there!
If my SS was 19 and living in
If my SS was 19 and living in my home and I saw DH doing one of his chores for him, I would probably be annoyed too
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I still do not get why you would be mad if your DH took out the trash 6 times for your SS…Especially if your SS worked full time and went to college full time.
My son works nights…home around 1ish. Normally he is back up at 7: AM for school so that is when he normally takes out the trash. But now since he has a break from school, I see no reason to make him get up at 7:00am just to take out the trash and then turn around and try to go back to bed. He rarely gets a break so I want to let him sleep in while he can. It is only 6 times.
And I am really interested in why you feel this way. It seems to be the same way my DH feels.
I guess, just because of my
I guess, just because of my first statement... I mean I work full-time, have a 3 year old, do all the laundry, barn chores twice per day, all the cleaning, and try to find 45 minutes or so for myself each day (that doesn't require staying up until midnight or getting up at 5 am) to fit in a run, or a ride on my horse. But whatever, I don't complain about it, it's part of being an adult in my opinion.
Now, I probably shouldn't have used MY SS analogy, because it's probably like comparing apples to gorillas. MY SS would NEVER work full time and go to college. He would never work part time and will most likely never even make it through high school. So I would be uber annoyed if he was living with us at 19 and DH was doing his chores for him.
Again, it's not like you're doing it ALL the time, just a few times, I really don't see the big deal in the grand scheme of things.
My dh sorta used to do this
My dh sorta used to do this with my ds13. Overall my ds13 is a good kid. SS14 sucks. Dh used to find small things to gripe about ss over to sort of level the playing field if you know what I mean. It makes ss look better if ds13 has lots of faults too. Then it can just be, "hey that's they way kids are".
Whenever I've seen this behavior over the years I have pointed it to dh and he typically recognizes it himself and stops. He loves my ds13 and does not intend to hurt him so dh drops the behavior pretty quickly.
you're really asking dd to
you're really asking dd to defend her feelings ~ WTF?
she said she sees it both ways, repsonsible adults don't get breaks from real life responsibilities. but if you want to take over for your kid a few times, that's ok, too.
so maybe your husband doesn't understand your hardsell on how perfect your adult kid is, yet you still do one of his two responsibilities, so his 3 week break isn't interrupted.
Id do my best to ignore DH
Id do my best to ignore DH and give him no attention for his choice of behavior.
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And normally I would. And I will. It just annoys me so much because it seems like he is insinuating that my son is lazy or I am spoiling him or whatever.
He forgets that I know how he and BM raised SS. SS is the laziest most spoilt kid I have ever met. He never had to have good grades or a good attitude. He got everything he wanted when he wanted. He never had to pay for gas or a car or insurance. He told BM and DH to jump…they asked how high.
It just seems so hypocritical!!
Take a pill star. I do not
Take a pill star. I do not want her to defend anything. I want to try to understand my DH better so I wnat to understand her.
i guess "explain" would have
i guess "explain" would have been a better choice of words.
really?
"I want to try to understand my DH better so I wnat to understand her."
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I heart starfish
I heart starfish
back at ya DD
Again, it's not like you're
Again, it's not like you're doing it ALL the time, just a few times, I really don't see the big deal in the grand scheme of things.
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I know...but I still feel like I should slap DH for being a big dummy. lol
WOW...Stepdown...what is
WOW...Stepdown...what is wrong with our men?
He sounds like a good
He sounds like a good kid...Do what you want for him and tell your DH to stuff it...He is probably pissed because his own kids are a wreck by comparison and this is the only thing he can bitch about to feel better. DH does the same thing with BS17. Mine just got accepted into a very difficult school and as we are celebrating all he says is well of course he did! So frustrating.