I keep being reminded of this ridiculous incident with my former skids every time I see or hear anything related to the Nutcracker this time of year. I thought I’d share it with the folks on here since it’s an example of how crazy the battles you face as a stepparent.

Two years ago, a friend of mine’s daughter was performing in small scale production of The Nutcracker and my then-DH and I took my DS(then 12) to see it. DS was okay for about 20 minutes then got bored but overall it was a pleasant evening.

Fast forward to about May or June, while driving SS(then 7) and SS (then 9) back to their BM, they complained to x-H about how he does all these things with DS when they’re not there. They’ve somehow heard about the Nutcracker and a few other small things - going skateboarding and a Civil War reenactment which only happens on one weekend.

I wish I could have seen the boys faces when x-H explained that the Nutcracker was a BALLET. I would have thought they would be teasing DS about going to the ballet. But noooo, they continued their whining about their dad doing things with his stepson and not them. Instead of telling the boys to STFU about it or bringing up all the things that the boys do with BM’s boyfriend (especially going to MLB games), x-H completely bent over backwards making the boys feel better and proving he wasn’t spending more time with my DS than them.

I have a feeling that SD (then 14 and different BM) was the instigator in all of this, and the one that started all the guilt for x-H about how much time he was or wasn’t spending with his of the kids.

My DS has very minimal contact with his biodad. My x-H is the only father figure he’s ever known and he loved spending time with him. After SS9‘s tantrum about the Nutcracker, then-DH was more and more distant with my DS. If DS wanted to to go do something, like go see a movie, he wanted us to wait until a weekend his boys were there. It was very clear to DS that he was second class to his stepbrothers.

The following Christmas, we offered to take the boys to the Nutcracker. And what did they say? No, they didn’t want to go to a ballet. But, if their dad took his then SS? That was a criminal act to them.