I am a stepmom to 2 SDs (8&11). I came into their lives when they were 2&4, and by the next yr I had moved in, started providing light care, and enrolled them in ballet. Fast forward to now-me and DH are 3yrs married and I have I bio son (age 1) and 1 son on the way. I am IN LOVE with my bio son and have never felt that way about the girls. I often worry if I love them at all, or if I am driven to care, provide and enrich their lives out of duty/responsibility due to the difference in how I feel. I also resent them at times due to my expectations of behavior/responsibility, but realize that their father is to blame. Externally, we argue often about parenting style-issues (He's more lax/fun parent, while I'm more strict/structured) and I have felt disrespected by him interfering with my simple commands (go read a book, stop playing ball in the house, etc ). As a result, I have snapped at husband multiple times in front of the kids (never yell at the kids), and they all have labeled me as "mean" or "moody". When I feel attacked in this way, I focus in on myson and ignore husband and the children for the rest or the day. I believe this may only get worse when 2nd son comes in. It has gotten as bad as me visualizing divorce or getting a separate apartment to move to. I am worried that the external issues mixed with my own internal issues with stepparenting will lead to a full separation of our family one day. 

Anyone else struggle with feelings of love/attachment to Steps? I know I am not alone in having parenting conflicts with a spouse.