BM tells ss that i'm not good for his father and discusses all the court happenings with ss. she spoils him rotten and there is no punishment for bad grades, rude and disrespectful behavior or lying.

Our BM has told SDstb18 for years that our DD's are her step-sisters. Well, of course! They may have the same father, but because I'm the step-mom, so anything related to me is automatically "step" too! That's your step-uncle, step-dog, step-hair straightener, step-dinner, you get it. SD couldn't possibly share anything with someone that shares something with me. BM has made sure that SD looks at me as an outsider with ulterior motives to simultaneously "take BM's daughter away", and "keep SD out of our family". Tell me, how does one do that?

It's just another way shitty BM's create an "us against them" mentality in the skid(s). BM certainly can't let anyone on "THAT side of the family" develop close bonds. That's dangerous to her position as the "ultimate ruler of all". If skid is having fun at dad's, it's a direct threat to her favored status. BM must do what needs to be done to taint the relationships between her kids and their family, by making it seem "not real, fake, disposable, temporary, unimportant". BM is the only REAL family as far as BM is concerned, and minimizing the impact and importance of dad, step-mom, siblings, et. al., to the skids, is the way to secure the skid's dependence on BM. Makes the skid view dad as likely to abandon, cheat, lie, withhold, be abusive to BM; step-mom as controlling, divisive, and mean, and siblings as inferior to BM's other spawn.

Seriously, it's like they take their cues from a playbook. So predicatable and transparent.

I wish I had the answer for this. BM here talks to SS9 like he is an adult. Talks crap about people WITH him (like her boyfriends kids). Who teaches their kid to talk bad about other kids? She tells him that DH is too hard on him (not at all true). She talks to him like he is one of her girlfriends... probably because she HAS NO friends. She has to talk to someone.

Our Bm coached ss from a very early age that sm and my daughters were not his family. By showing him pictures and saying this is SM and this is Daddy, this is step mom daughters not your sisters. When BM got a boyfriend and boyfriend had a daughter then Bm started telling ss that boyfriends daugther was his sister. So I nipped that and every time he referred to his sister I said no she is your step sister just like biod1 and biod2.

In the same boat. SD8 has come over to our house saying that BM told her that she and my DH were no longer together because he wanted to go after a bunch of women. SD8 is treated like an adult, and everyone on that despicable side of BM's family encourages it. There should be no reason why an 8 year old should tell us that it would be better for them to spend Christmas morning with their mother, when a week prior, she was happy and wanting to spend it with us (all of which, she brought up herself). Also, she was taken off some dangerous medication, and she, the 8 year old, was explaining to DH why she was put on it, like she was reading a script. I HATE when these trashy, poor excuse-for-mothers take away their child's mental innocence, and shape the world so poorly for them. SD8 has a very negative attitude. I can only imagine what her BM is telling her, now that I had a baby not too long ago. I can already see SD8 distancing herself, as if natural sibling rivalry isnt already enough!