O/T - I still have issues and baggage from a 35yr ago marriage.
We have been binge watching some very good shows. Good until likable characters cheat. I grind my teeth, and am incensed when this happens. I lose contact with reason and my intellect. Something I have never done on any other topic.
My XW was a serially adulterous cheater. Even nearly 35 years post divorce the topic is infuriating. Cheating is obviously my lingering baggage and major trigger. I have zero tolerance for it to the point that it drives a visceral revulsion at the core of my being for the slime that does it. Even when it is fiction.
It makes me so incensed that I struggle to look at it in any way other than with my animal brain. Not something I like and definitely something I need to address.
If someone is at that point, they should cut and end the relationship before they cheat. Cheating bares the ass of characterless people, and it destroys others. When there are kids in that situation, it makes the cheater even more deplorable.
My XW was cheating our entire relationship. Something I learned from her diaries that she left in our home office when she moved out. I was beating myself up to some level during the divorce. After doing that reading I was far kinder to myself than I had been before.
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At least you were able to
At least you were able to move on and have a wonderful relationship. You accept nothing but the best. I am glad for you. My SOs ex cheated for years before he knew about it, destroyed what he wanted out of life and now destroys me. Cheating is a horrible thing.
Thank you Rocky. I'm sorry that you have to suffer
that mess and have to see the destruction it has caused in your SO.
Take care of you.
That’s why I think I
Have PTSD. Unofficially ...self diagnosed.., you know how that goes. But I still get triggered at times
I understand Harry.
Even when decades removed from that situation myself, the very hint of it turns my stomach. Even when it is fictional characters doing it.
Im sorry you are triggered
That totally sucks. Ive been reading a few different novels where the main characters are cheating and its deemed ok because the wife is a meaning who doesnt really care, etc.
And its making the author lots of money. People make money off it.
Check out chumplady.com (shes for male chumps as well as femail chumps) and I think you will find that there are others that feel the way you do, that are triggered in the way that you still are. And its anonymous like here if you feel like posting.
Check out her current posts as well as her archives and the cartoons. She wrote a book, as well, to partner up with her website, which I havent read, but ive been reading her stuff for a long time now and it reminds of here - a community of like individuals going through similar issues and needing to deal with the emotional fall out somehow.
There are some great sayings there too - like "Trust That They Suck".
I think that this applies to stepworld too...
www.chumplady.com
Don't watch the documentary
Don't watch the documentary on Ashley Madison!
Betrayal is horrible.
But you won. Big.
Agreed.
Agreed.
I tell these dudes upfront ... "Look here Bob you cheated with Barbara over there and she was dumb enough to take you back but pull those shenanigans on me and I'll leave you so fast your head will spin"
If a dude is thinking about cheating I'd rather break up (if we're just dating) or have an open marriage on both sides (which most dudes will lose their mind bc they think it's only acceptable to cheat but not get cheated on)
My last major relationship I got "cheated" on when the dude kept prioritizing his beastly ex wife
Might not be exactly the same but I feel ya
Emotional infidelity is infidelity none the less.
Even this includes with everyone ifnthe failed family when a re-partnered person "cheats" on their new spouse with the old one and their failed family progeny through inappropriate immersion in the baggage. Not that the parents and their kids should not have a relationship. They definitely should, but, it is one of those things that you know when you see it.