Is it any wonder I don’t want to see these kids?
Tonight Demon15 had a virtual counseling appt. She was in her room and I walked past and could clearly hear her talking to her counselor saying "I have like 4 friends, I just don't like them very much and I just use them all for different things. One gives me rides and takes me shopping, another tells me things. I just use them, I'm a user! I don't really like people". What in the actual F is wrong with this girl?? Then in the next breath she told the counselor "we match, you have red on and I have green on. I just got my nails done". As if that wasn't an awful thing to say, just rambling about stupid things.
I was disgusted. I told DH and he just made a face and said, that's not a great sign, at least she's saying it to her counselor. He has previously said he's convinced she's just like Crazy and there is no hope for her. I imagined her counselor ending the appt and immediately googling different careers.
Then DH told me that he text SS18 this morning saying, so is this how it's going to be, you're just going to act like we don't exist? SS got home from college on Monday and is at Crazy's and hasn't contacted DH (although DH hasn't contacted him either). DH said they have barely talked at all in almost 2 mos. SS replied 8hrs later and said he "didn't think he'd feel very welcome here". DH asked why and SS went into his poor me spiel about how DH didn't even want him to come home for Xmas (not true) and how even DH's mom said DH is the only one concerned about SS coming home for a whole month and spending all of it with his Jr-in-HS-gf because he may leave college and move back home (where there are no colleges for his major). So SS's text also means SS has been talking sh*t about DH to DH's family. DH is not Impressed with SS. He said he has some hard lessons to learn, like not everyone is going to tell you what you want to hear, and what it's like to pay for your own car ins. I said, also, you paying for things comes with respect, which he's not been showing you.
Demon told me today that SS said he is "probably" going to come by us for Christmas. Maybe. He's not sure yet. Ok. We definitely don't need to know for sure. I honestly want nothing to do with Christmas this year, all because of skids.
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These skids
Sure do act like spoiled royalty swooping in for their gift grabs. Demon15 sounds like pure joy to be around. Completely devoid of empathy and narcissistic.
Her previous therapist had
Her previous therapist had told DH she was manipulative, which we could see. But hearing her actually say something like this. Yikes.
She sounds like a sociopath
She sounds like a sociopath
just because they invade your
just because they invade your space doesn't mean you have to roll out the red and green carpet for him. He craps on you, you do not have to celebrate him. Let daddy do it all.
Good point
I got SS some things for a stocking, as is tradition- I don't buy them gifts, I do their stockings each year. SS's is going to be very modest this year. DH already gave SS his gift, $ for a sporting event. I ordered cinnamon rolls for Christmas Day- SS can be here or not, I don't give 2 sh*ts, there will be no changing things for him. At this point it seems unlikely he will stay here, which is truly unfortunate *does a little jig*
I sure
He will show up for the gift grabbing day. You are inforcing rules SS doesn't like so he's not bothering with you, Not liking his underage girl friends. He actually doing something like picking a major. It's just nicer at BM house where GF is welcome abd nothing is asked,
Demon15 is at least talking to her counselor. What's is the first step. Counseling is not like you see on TV/Movies. They must communicate about stuff l whenever counselor thinks the time is right . Will talk about '''using''' people . ''You don't like to be used..'' don't you think '''''' friends will figure out there being used'' and will get upset at you, true friends, you don't use. You only have one or two '''true friends'' Ect. ....It takes time and effort for counseling to work.
Why do so many of us have
Why do so many of us have these turd kids? I don't want to see my SKs either. Gift grab will be the only reason they come around.
It makes me wonder if most
It makes me wonder if most kids are really like this and Bio's just overlook it? Or if we really do just have sh*t Skids.
My nephews are not like this
My nephews are not like this at all. They never have been. They actually enjoy family time and not just gift grabbing.
Most kids are not like this.
Most kids are not like this.
My friends with kids also say
My friends with kids also say their kids are not like this. It seems like COD end up being the real a*sholes the majority of the time. I was COD divorce, I don't think I was an asshole, the difference being I didn't even have 1 parent vying for my attention- both parents were absentee.
Kids from divorve
I think that kids from divorce get used to the parents ve been trying to compete to a degree for the kids attention and some try to buy their love although this is stupid. My DH's ex has always bought expensive gifts for the kids and my hubs won't do that so for the 31 yrs that we've been married, they've always been with her. Fast forward all these yrs, we don't buy them shit. My hubs gets the 3 grandkids a present and that's it. The ex and her daughter grab up any available time with the grandkids and there's crumbs left for my husband. I don't do anything for them.
This is the first year I am
This is the first year I am not even doing stockings. SD14 gets no candy from me after the manipulation and lies this year. I don't think DH is surprised.
Even though I have disengaged, my family is still very generous (too much IMO) with gifts for SD. My own Mom texts SD14 every now and then. More often when she was younger. My mom got zero responses from SD for the month of November... until she asked if SD had a Christmas wish list put together. Instant response of course. She is a user. I think my Mom is starting to see it too even... and starting to get the ick I've had for year.
Always super responsive when
Always super responsive when it it time for gifts. On Thanksgiving the kids weren't going to go to their grandparents and SO ,definitely being wrong, let the kids know that the grandparents said if they don't come to Thanksgiving the gifts would be less from them. So of course they changed their minds and went. It makes me ill.
Gross
They only want things.
This just made me think
WHY am I trying so hard? Just this morning I laid out the things I have for stockings so I could do inventory and decide what else was needed. I have almost nothing for SS and was thinking of what I needed to get still. But why should I? I should have taken this opportunity to stop stockings for him altogether. I am definitely going to limit it to much less than in the past. He flew here, so I can't get what I usually would anyway. Oh well, maybe try being a nicer person SS.
I would just let it go if you
I would just let it go if you can. Don't worry about if they're covered for stockings or gifts. That should be your partners job.
"Hey Hon, I didn't get a
"Hey Hon, I didn't get a chance to pick up things for you son's stocking. It would be a big help if you could make a Dollar Tree run and pick up a few things for him."
Im starting to think that
Im starting to think that cheap crap from Dollar Tree is too good for some of these skids. they need a big old lump of coal.
Then he'll get a big fat nothing
DH would say he doesn't need a stocking, he's too old. lol. They wouldn't get stockings at all if not for me, it was never DH's thing. It was just something I always enjoyed as a kid (we got free stockings from an organization and church because we were poor) so I wanted them to have them also so I made it my gift to them. Perhaps this is the last year...
Unless making that effort for
Unless making that effort for your skids is actually something you legit enjoy, then I woudnt bother.
For me, with SD its gotten to where it feels like some dreaded chore. Meanwhile, I gave out gifts to friends also coworkers feeling nothing but happiness. I felt joyful just buying them and putting them all together too. So, that should tell me all I need to know since I feel nothing remotely close to that about giving anything to SD. For one thing, I actually LIKE the people I give gifts to since they have always respected me, never given me any grief or causes me strife like SD does. There is also the matter that any giftting or giving of much of anything with SD is typically taken by her as some kind of permission from me to hold me to some contract for any favors she expects from me. ..always some strings attached. , so its pretty much a transcational thing
She acts like she is a User too in a way like your SD, which is why gift gifting for her has no appeal to me any more. Mind you that the she is only one out of two people that I know that I feel this way about..also very telling.
And this logically means that DH or SS are in no position to get all pouty should you decide to forgo the stocking if he is in fact "too old" for one. That settles it
Same!
I love giving gifts. It's my love language. This is the first year I've felt zero joy putting things together for skids. Things have changed SO much this year. SD has aquired the nickname Demon, and rightfully so, SS has shown zero appreciation for DH or myself and has been extremely disrespectful. I used to have great relationships with both of them and now I disengage and don't even like them. Highly doubt SS will be getting any sort of stocking next year- this year felt like it was an obligation.
Yesterdays is correct
Yesterdays is correct
Let DH take care of all gifts to his children he shares with BM.
Your story about your SD
Your story about your SD reminds me of the last time OSD28 was here. She said something similar to your SD.
She said, "I'm not an extrovert, I'm an introvert. I don't really like people."
Of course everyone thinks she's an extrovert because she is controlling, imposing and loudly opinionated.
I think the truth is that she's not an extrovert or introvert, she's antisocial and has an antisocial personality. That's why she doesn't like people. She's horrid.