On Thanksgiving morning, of course (following the ancient BM family pattern of "Look at me" on holidays), SD called DH and told him that her adopted adolescent daughter (who is the sister of step-son-in-law) is in the hospital because she tried to commit suicide. 

A big blow up had occurred the weekend before and that is when it happened (so why didn't SD tell him on another day?) 

Some background: SSIL was living at home in his late 20s when he met SD, also living with mommy in her late 20s. They got engaged 6 months after dating, and they got married 6 months later. Next thing we know, things are in motion to adopt his little sister (very long and ugly story). DH suspected that SSIL had been looking for the "right woman" not necessarily to fall in love with and marry but to help him "save" his little sister. 

Since they married, they have also popped out three kids in 3 years, and SSIL is not the primary breadwinner. We believe they are into the "Quiverful movement," where God--not you--determines how many children you will have. So they have not been using birth control. (You can't make this s*** up. . . why did this amount of crazy land in my lap? lol)  

I have met the adopted daughter. What I saw was somewhat of a problematic child (even my super friendly dog lunged at her in defense of herself when we had told the girl to leave the arthritic dog alone) who was treated like the third wheel. SD once accidentally sent me a text about her ambivalent feelings about the adoption (she meant to send the text to a friend). In the little bit that I saw, the girl was treated like an outcast in the family, and I truly felt bad for her. SD would roll her eyes at her, etc. When SD calls/texts DH, she NEVER mentions this girl. She just reports on the bios. It is sad and disgusting. What I do know is that they are very strict (I'd say overly strict) with her. They remind me of one of those families I knew in high school where the parents were so rigid that the kids went wild. 

My dilemma: My true self would like us to reach out to this girl. I suggested to DH that we buy her an iPad "for Christmas" and/or some books, but DH would have to ask permission about the iPad, as social media is one thing the parents are really restrictive about. In my heart, I would like to let her know we are thinking about her. 

My other self says DO NOT DO THIS and SHUT YOUR MOUTH. History says that any kind movement from my end especially will be rejected and thrown back in our faces. We have not been "allowed" to be involved in these people's lives; the years have been nothing but secrets (SD only told DH this, I believe, out of sheer desperation if not for attention because of the pressures on her. . . and "look at me" during the holiday). 

I've now let the suggestions out of the bag to DH and he says he is going to call SD. Now I want to tell him to please not offer gifts after all. My gut is telling me/us to step back, stay back, and let all of this be their problem. I also feel like telling DH to be honest with SD and tell her we feel awful for this girl and our instincts say to do nice things for her, but we get s*** thrown back at us anytime we do anything, so we are stepping back. 

Perhaps the best thing to do is remain silent. That really goes against my nature, but. . . .  Thoughts? 
Thanks.