SS has the brain of a Goldfish
I want to scream. SS18 is one of the most idiotic kids I have ever met in my life. He is like a 12yr old in an 18yr old's body. After forcing a text go through Do Not Disturb a week or so ago at 12:30am on a weeknight asking DH how far down a condom should go on, (it didn't wake DH up, but it did wake me up so I saw it), he called DH last night in a panic.
SS's gf, who lives in our state, just got back from visiting SS at college across the country with her mom. She is a Jr. in high school and just turned 17. We are not thrilled about the situation as all of a sudden this relationship got serious right before he left for college and now his focus is here, on her. Anyway, he told DH last night that they had sex, and the FIRST TIME they did it, he wore a condom, but she "wanted to see how it felt without one", so he TOOK IT OFF and they had sex without a condom for a while!!!!! Then he put one back on and finished. And she is not on ANY birth control!! WTF are you doing?!?! The one thing DH has lectured him about repeatedly is how he ALWAYS, under all circumstances, needs to wear a condom, even if the girl says they are on birth control! DH bought him boxes of condoms! So SS was freaking out, worried she might be pregnant. Her family is very religious and would never allow an abortion, if you can even get one these days, and it has been days and she didn't get a Plan B. DH sat there consoling him telling him it will be fine, he's overthinking it, blah blah blah, which honestly annoys me because NO, he should freak out, and he shouldn't have done it in the first place. And he needs to make sure she gets a Plan B! DH did tell him to talk to her and make sure she gets it. But she needs to get it NOW. DH said if she ends up pregnant he will drive her to get an abortion himself. Also, the state SS is in has a Romeo and Juliet law so the 17/18 thing isn't as big of an issue there, but in our state, it can be an issue.
Apparently SS's gf's parents thought that her and SS had sex when SS was home last month, and told her that if she got pregnant he would need to move back up here and marry her and help support the baby. If there is one thing DH and I agree on, it's that they would not be living with us, with a baby.
DH said he thinks SS will break up with her soon, assuming she isn't pregnant, because that's how he was as a teen. I think that's wishful thinking. There are no signs of that. I asked if SS is coming home for Christmas and he said he doesn't know. I asked if he wants him to and he said not really, he doesn't want him to be around his gf. Which, I get but it's not like he won't find a way to come home and see her. And although I am over SS's shenanigans, I do feel bad if he was there alone for Christmas. But DH can figure it out because at this point I am OVER this kid. He literally cannot figure out anything on his own, he calls DH for everything.
Just the other day he had to call DH and have him walk him through how to set up the beacon for his car insurance to save $, even though the app walks you through all of the instructions step by step and it's SO easy. SS is going to a STEM school! He had to call DH to ask how to put on a condom! For God's sake, Google!!!
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I told my son (23) how much
I told my son (23) how much my SO has paid in child support to 2 women who are both married to other men, and how he will continue to pay until he is over 60. I hope he got the message. Sounds like your SS is on the Disney Daddy sucker path already.
What planet is your husband
What planet is your husband living on? It'll all be fine? He'll drive the daughter of parents who will disown her to get an abortion? Doesn't he follow the news? How and where does he imagine he can just mosey up and ask for an abortion for a minor who isn't even his daughter? Gawd, words fail me.
In Texas that could get him arrested and sued...
In Texas that could get him arrested and sued...
I too am at a loss
I told him reassuring him like this was mind-blowing. He said he doesn't want him focusing just on this and failing school, and that he told him repeatedly he needs to tell his GF to get Plan B. And if for some reason she doesn't or it doesn't work, he will do whatever he can to make sure she does not have a baby and drive her himself. I'm like yeah it is not that easy. He thinks if she does get pregnant her family is the type to adopt it themselves. I'm like oh FFS. You think that's how this will work? I said she will not just give up her kid. SS will not either. Even if he is terrified and wants no part of a kid now. He will cave and be a part of it's life. There will be no "letting her parents adopt it". Jesus DH. Idk what world he is living in. Time for some hard facts and to make sure SS knows what could happen, so that he ensures she gets a Plan B pill!
SHE wanted him to take off
SHE wanted him to take off the condom? Seriously? Either she is as stupid as he is or she's already pregnant and needs a daddy. Or he's lying (why would he lie? No answer required).
Lying liar
I don't believe him for one second. He lies about everything.
"he will do whatever he can
"he will do whatever he can to make sure she does not have a baby and drive her himself"
He'd better make sure his passport is up to date, hers too.
What's his plan if she decides to keep the baby and her parents throw her out?
Like you said, a 12 yr old in
Like you said, a 12 yr old in an 18 yr old's body.
Well, at least SS likely has a potential career as a porn star..
Well, at least SS likely has a potential career as a porn star based on his description of the condom only going halfway down.
Geez.
I crack myself up.
Lol i know, i was like either
Lol i know, i was like either Dad fk'd up and bought finger cots or SS is the next John Holmes. I guess when the Lord giveth, he also taketh away (his brains!)
Finger cots!
Finger cots!
Pffffft. An ex boyfriend
Pffffft. An ex boyfriend tried to convince me that the condoms were too small so we should skip it and he'd pull out in time. I proceeded to unwrap the condom, pull it up over my size 9 foot, and almost to my calf. He got the NO Glove, No Love message fast.
No glove, no love! One of my farvorites. The Mantra!
When SS was in his early teens and in HS we would require that he chant the mantra before leaving the house to hang out with friends or go on a date.
No glove, no love! Wrap it before you tap it! Then he had to spresent us a fresh wrapper Condom for inspection. Not one that had been in his wallet for who knows how long. He threw away countless condoms because we required them to be fresh non expired package dates. We provided them of course.
At 32yo the kid is still traumatized by many things his mom and I torturned him with growing up. Not the least of which is the mantra and condom inspection prior to going out. One of the several things he gives us crap about when we get together.
Sorry, not sorry kid. But we did good because you obviously are a good man.
Son, we will accept your praise and adoration any time.
I can testify to their
I can testify to their incredible stretchability, too. When I was a student, I came home to a prank played by a flatmate's boyfriend (we spent the entire summer doing stupid stuff like this). He had placed a water-filled condom on my bed. It was HUGE, nearly 3 ft long and as much, if not more in circumference! It was impossible to move for fear of it exploding under the pressure. I eventually worked out that I had to roll it carefully onto a towel and carry it to the bathroom to dispose of it. All went well until I flung the thing into the bath where it promptly exploded producing a tidal wave that swept over me from head to foot. Gawd, did he laugh!
All that to say that condoms have incredible stretchability.
Bahahaha
Finger cots! My money is on SS not knowing how to put it on properly, mainly because my brain simply cannot think of SS's "weiner", and also the aforementioned Goldfish brain
This is crazy on so many
This is crazy on so many levels. Not the least of which is that SS called his dad about this. I'm dead. Does he not have any friends to talk to? I mean, I want my daughter to be open with me, but the detailed description of using the condom, taking it off for a bit to see how it felt, and then putting one on to finish? Just, ewww. No. Thats's TMI. He could've just summed it up by saying, "dad I was an idiot and had unprotected sex." Geez.
I understand your husband not wanting SS to obsess over it, but you're right that he needs to let him squirm until that poor girl gets her period. Hopefully that fear will be enough to keep both of them from being such idiots again in the future.
The force of stupid is strong
The force of stupid is strong in this one. A poster child for the requirement for a licence to breed.
Hopefully he does not sully the human genome by spawning.
I feel for his GF. Heaven forbid he spawns.
Like Clevon from Idiocracy.
Like Clevon from Idiocracy.
Also, he is in a fraternity
Also, he is in a fraternity and has TONS of friends.
It is sad when an 18yo fails
It is sad when an 18yo fails the lowest possible level of intelligence testing which is ... to don and doff a condom.
https://www.cdc.gov/condom-use/resources/external.html#:~:text=Before%20....
Yea, I'm not sure if I'm
Yea, I'm not sure if I'm more appalled by the detailed conversation (vomit) or the fact that SS could be charged with statutory rape, depending on your location, and his open willingness to impregnate someone, especially a high school student. My god!
It boggles the mind
This has been my entire life with SS. Going to daddy for every single thing, because he literally cannot figure out how to do anything and will not ask anyone but DH. He texts DH constantly about everything. Having zero common sense, and then doing things that make you just really think how is that possible. The text about using a condom really was the icing on the cake. Rather than Google or ask a friend, he would rather try and wake DH up on a work night. Did I mention he is selfish and cares about no one but himself? Because there's also that.
While an 18yo being intimate
While an 18yo or an even older adutt being intimate with a 17yo may not be statutory rape depending on the State, if the kidult/adult transports the minor over State lines or the minor travels over State lines to the adult and they have sex, it could get very sticky legally for the kidult.. A minor traveling over State lines to have sex with an "adult" caused one of my former employees a shit storm of monumental proportions.
He was 18, his HS GF was 16. They grew up together in the same small NJ town. They traveled over the bridge to either DE or PA and got a hotel for the weekend. When they got back, her father had pressed charges against him. He was arrested and that started a nearly 10 year legal battle with the DA. He was in his late 20s to early 30s when he finally had to report to prison to serve his sentence.after he ran out of legal options By then they had been married for 10+ years and had three kids. His FIL refused to drop the charges for years and by the time FIL tried to intervene he had been convicted and eventually had to serve his sentence.. This guy was very good at his specialty and led my Non Destructive Testing team. When he got out of prison after serving about 6mos, it took a near act of Congress for me to get him back to work. Client busy bodies from that community made several complaints that a child molester/sexual predator was working at the site. He had been working there for years prior to his stay at the full room and board State hotel with bars on the windows and doors. I had to have a private 1:1 with the plant manager to provide an overview, background, and review of my employee's high job performance and unique skill set. With the backing of the plant manager and my outstanding General Foreman who had retired from the client company before joining my leadership team and who detested the Union he had been forced to belong to for 30+ years we were able to shut down the pressure for my "criminal" employee to be removed from the site. After he got out of prison and had no infractions for some period of time, the conviction was expunged, he was removed from the sexual predator's list, and he ultimately was able to not have that boat anchor around his neck.
Kids need clarity. Even good ones can make stupid choices that can potentially end their quality of life for good. Particularly when they have a short circuit between their brain and their gonads.
With a fundamentalist family on the GF side and GF's father already mandating that this kid return home and marry her if they get knocked up, he needs to run, run now, and run far until there is clear proof that she is not pregnant. then they need to head to Planned Parenthood for Norplant. He is 18. He can enlist. If it turns out she is pregnant, at least he has the ability to pay CS and provide insurance for the baby. Choosing to marry or not, is another topic entirely.
The one thing that my ILs did right in support of my former teen mom incredible DW, is they did not force her to marry the SpermIdiot. SpermGrandHag and their fringe Christian cult were all over trying to force that. Interestingly, when the SpermIdiot followed SS with three more out of wedlock spawn by two more baby mamas, the pressure for marriages to BM2 and BM 3 was zero. Neother BM2 nor BM3 fit the quality standards or racist bullshit racist standards the SpermGrandHag had. Once her 3rd and 4th GKs were rorn and are biracial, she pretty much crawled under her rock and forced her idiot son to raise his youngest two in the home she provided rent free though she did keep paying their mother CS to allow them to remain in SpermLand.
Even the Hag backed way off on that. The Hag still tried to dominate my DW and would fairly regularly drop the "Your mom needs to marry your dad." Crap on DW. Her hair on fire screaming banshee calls to DW when SS would tell the Hag "My mom is married to my dad!" were epic and funny as hell. Even more funny were the tearful calls from the SpermIdiot, who was shagging whatever 16yo of the moment he had access to at the time, sobbing about how much he loved my DW and missed his family. DW would Lol at him then ask him if he wanted to speak with his son. Not one time in the 16+ years of the CO did anyone in the SpermClan call just to talk to the kid. At best a few words with him were an afterthought to ranting at my DW or making visitation travel arrangements.
Unlike what my former employee went through, that my ILs did not put the POS SpermIdiot in prison is the one 5he things I have a life long problem with them over. If my 16yo DD got knocked up by a 23yo gang-banger wannabe serial statutory rapist, I would have done everything in my influence to make him the shower bitch for the lifers at the penitentiary for as long as possible and so that he could not live within a thousand miles of any minor female while being on the predator's list for the rest of his scumbag life. Including his own DD which he ultimately ad with BM2. Though that would not have happened if my ILs and the parents of his underage victims prior to my DW had fried his ass.
Phew. I feel better now.
Although nowhere as serious
Than mindlessly procreating, with the emphasis on mindless, I hired a 39-year-old young man who was down on his luck to do some sanding with an orbital hand sander. The battery went dead in less than an hour of sanding after being recharged the night before.
I was shocked at this because normally I can get the battery to last a good 8 hours of sanding. When I picked the sander back up after he had left, I noticed that he had not lined up the sanding holes on the sand paper to the sander's holes, which would cause the sander to overheat and he had not dumped the sander bag contents! Thus early drain on the battery!
I mean how obvious is it to see the little holes in the sanding pads match up with the little holes on the sander!!??? That should be intuitive; I should not have to tell somebody to do that!!!!
The next day he was asking if he and his rather lazy wife could help me and that they were looking for work. No thanks, I'll do it myself and or get the other person that we normally hire.
Classic SS move
This is exactly the kind of thing SS would do. You can not give him one single task, even at this age, without him needing it completely explained, even the very obvious parts. Zero common sense.
Analysis and exection are not
Analysis and exection are not a Milenial or Gen Z strong suit apparently. Even in the smart phone and Google age many cannot figure out how to change a tire, use a broom effectively or adequately sweep a floor, or ... line up the vent holes in the sand paper with the cooling holes on the sander and empty the saw dust catch when it gets full, etc..
Earlier Gens worked with their parents, GPs, uncles, aunts, built forts together, worked on their bicycles, etc.... Now, by the time they want help with finding a job they have arthritic gaming controller thumbs and the problem resolution capability of a slug.
As you have already experienced with the orbital sander genious.
smh
A test with a tool bag and demand for a demonstration of tool use is an easy screening tool. It also gives you the chance to show them how. Then when they get stupid and do shit like the orbital sander moron does stupid shit, you can relase them instantly with a ... don't put us as a refernce.
I am so glad I am not in a position of having to hire Milenials and Xers. Even entry level in my industry are technician level workers with basic skills and capabilities, very specific shif tassignments, and no way to work remotely. They work on equipment. So, show up as scheduled, work your assigned work orders for planned work for the day, respond to equipment failures, or get fired. End of discussion.
Managers are easier to manage,because most of them are Gen X or late boomers.
Work ethic, minimal drama , rare instances of hurt fee fees over non issues, and very little other drama. The skilled trades are still mostly millenials and GenZ so have some of the generationally commonalities of a built in victim perspective, etc.
But, the skilled performers seem to recognize that their results are based on their performance and those provng lack of performance ply the whiny victim card but generally comprehend that it is their skills that keep them employed as precariosly as that may be.
DW's industry is getting blasted by the Xer entitlement hiring virus. Kids wanting tons of money, to work less than 40, refusing specific assignments, crying about how mean the certification test is, how expensive the top tier highly structured test prep options are, and struggle to produce even low quality work much less acceptable work, etc.... For some reason even early top performers are backing out of advancement path roles them mope about it, since they get put at the bottom of skill set required assignments because having proven themselves sub par for development the companies are not giving them another chances and going with the ones who are stepping up. At least for the moment anyway.
Life story time with Rags.
I was this kid right out of HS. My Freshman year of University I met a young woman, a Sr., the first week I was at school. We met at a night club. My room mate and I went out together the night we met. She was there with a group of her sorority sisters. I approached the group of young women and asked one of them to dance. A different woman than I intended answered "Yes".
We danced. Over the next few weeks we went on a few dates, started sleeping together. I was 19, she was 21. A couple of monts after we started dating her former BF who had transfered to a campus in another State flew in with a friend of his. They were both pilots and rented a plane to make the trip. She let me know that she had made plans with him before we had met. She kept those plans, I told her it had been fun but I was done. A week or so after her former BF visited, she and her roommate knocked on the door or my dormroom. Her friend did all of the talking. She stood there and cried. We got back together. A month later I flew home for Winter break. While I was at my parents for that month she called to notify me that she was pregnant. We decided to get married. I bought a ring while I was home.
Not long after we got back to school for Spring semester she informed me that she had decided to terminate the pregnancy. I was fully envolved, took her to all of her appointments, and paid Planned Parenthood for the procedure. She graduated at the end of that semester. We remained engaged for just over a year.
I asked for my ring back just after turning 21 when I gained clairity that I was not anywhere near able to support myself much less a wife and a child.
Had she chosen to keep the baby, I would have a 40yo kid as of a few months ago. I learned. though I almost had a never ending lesson. I was not thinking about consequences or about being an adult as a Freshman in college. I was living for the moment and almost gave that phase of my life up completely way too soon.
It never really did dawn on me that the baby might not have been mine. Her week with her former BF was an intimate week and why I broke up with her briefly. I am not sure if she ever grasped that it might have been mine either. She was mad as hell at me for quite some time.
5yrs later I returned to her home town to finish engineering school. I think I saw her once in traffic during the 3 years I was in engineerng school. My brother and SIL had a home in her Suburb and lived there for a couple of years. We visited them a number of times. All of this to say that that experience has floated periodically in my life triggered by time in the area.
I hope that this kid can navigate his version of that learning curve without destroying his life, her life, and the life of a baby. In my case, I was the only person who escaped without major baggage. I kept in touch with my first fiance for a few years after we broke it off. She was exceptionally bitter, was struggling with tons of guilt over her decision, and made it clear that she and I were not going to be friends.
A lot of us did dumb things
A lot of us did dumb things when we were younger. What gets me about this situation is how OP's husband is too busy trying to be his son's friend/locker room buddy to act like a parent. I didn't tell my parents the graphic details of the many mistakes i made. Probably because they would have told me i was an idiot and how i needed to make better choices. They would have been 100% correct, too. Also, that sounds very traumatizing, what happened to you and your ex in college. I had a few friends who voluntarily ended pregnancies and they suffered a lot of emotional trauma from it.
She was very devout which is
She was very devout which is likely at least part of why it was very traumatic for her. While I was supportive of her choice and fully intended to marry regardless of her choice, due to human physiology/anatomy it was far more of a participatory decision for her than it was for me.
Like your friends, it was emotionally traumatic for her.
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Not saying that SS isn't a
Not saying that SS isn't a complete and total idiot because he most definitely is, but this also screams fishy on the GF's side. To want him to "take it off," to not be on birth control, and to not get Plan B despite the risk of pregnancy. This screams trap to me, and I only know firsthand because this is eerily similar to how DH ended up with SS12. Oh and the parents demanding SS return home and marry their sweet daughter if she is pregnant; exactly what GF would want. If she feels their relationship is failing or college is making SS pull away, she may be desperate enough to try something like this.
Our BM was in a troubled spot, thought a baby would fix everything and be fun, manipulated her birth control and lied to DH about it, "played it cool" and didnt want to panic or get Plan B, and BAM, she was pregnant with SS12 at 19. The only difference is, BM didn't really want DH (or any BD), she just wanted a donor and hoped that DH would run for the hills once SS was born, giving her SS all to herself (which obviously didn't/won't happen).
Crossed my mind also
But it's also strange that "she wanted to see how it felt without one". And I'm more apt to believe that SS "wanted to feel how it felt without one", because SS is a liar. It honestly could be either at this point, and who knows, her parents could have even given her the idea when they thought they had sex when he was home last month and told her if she was pregnant he would need to move back here and marry her and help raise the baby. She may have thought, wait a damn minute, that isn't a half bad idea... but it's just as likely that the taking off of the condom was SS's idea and he's blaming it on her because he knew DH would ream him out, and SS lies about everything. Either way, SS knows better and he's a GD idiot for doing it. A baby would ruin his entire career. I don't know what he was thinking.
I cannot, for the life of me,
I cannot, for the life of me, imagine that any young woman with a brain, knowing the risk of pregnancy, would want to feel how it felt without a condom.
18 yo male
Doesn't want to tell any of his friends. He hasn't had sex with a girl yet. That he needs advice on using a condom. Is like putting a loser sing on his forehead. Bet there's a YouTube on how to. Besides the girl should be on BC also. Condom are not any good is the whole day isn't followed ,
As second time. If did not clean up totally. Goes in bareback for a few minutes, I just feel so much better with out. It's hard not to do it. That's where you get failer with condoms. If GF is on BC this type of failer is taken care of.
I can confirm that there are instructions on line.
Before sex - Place condom on the head of penis. Before sex - Pinch air out of the tip of the condom. Before sex - Unroll condom all the way down the penis. After sex - Before pulling out, hold the condom at the base, then pull out while holding the condom in place.Apr 3, 2024
How to Use a Condom | Condom Use | CDC
After your post Harry, I had to look.
Sounds like GF is hopeful she
Sounds like GF is hopeful she will get to be the next generation of Teen Mom and SS is stupid enough to have gone along with it.
Or SS is a liar and it was
Or SS is a liar and it was his idea, not hers. Both are possible. I have an easier time believing he would lie than I do imagining this really nice girl asking him to take off a condom....