Transition days are the worst
I should clarify, transition *to* our house is the worst. Transition to our house fills me with dread and anxiety. Transition *from* our house provides me peace and joy.
The transition to our house, especially after a long stretch at BM, is brutal. It's like everything they ever learned about manners is totally forgotten. Don't get me wrong, I understand different house rules can be tough for a child to alternate between... but when BM doesn't appear to have any house rules at all?? Clearly at her house it is not encouraged to not speak with your mouth full of food, or the constant interruptions and complete lack of respect for adults, talking over people, whiny voices, screaming inside for no apparent reason. It's so painful.
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When I read your post title....
When I read your post title, I thought: "YEAH". We had the transition situation for 4 years before the 3 SKs moved in full time. That's why my life was better once they moved in, believe it or not. Plus, once they moved in, BM was less a factor in our lives with her eventually fading more and more.
The "kids" are all in their 50s and 60s now. As I think back on it, I think they must have also had transition issues each week when they went back to BM. Another reason why moving in here full time was better.
As I read about you younger SMs here on Steptalk and learn about the shared custody schedules, I just can't understand how that would work, based on our experience here.
I'm definitely with you as I remember the huge sigh of relief when the SKs left during the transition years.
As much as I don't
As much as I don't necessarily want skids full time, I can also see how having them full time would in some ways make it easier. Probably also due to less influence of BM and PAS.
I do feel for them. I can't imagine shuffling back and forth every 2 or 5 days between two houses, two beds, and two parents who hardly acknowledge one another, nothing would feel stable and I think those kinds of custody arrangements are primarily for the parents than what might actually be best for the kids. Of course that is a major generalization and every situation is so different with many different factors like co-parenting dynamics, ages of kids, etc etc. I don't know the answers, but I do know transition days suck. Every time.
How it went here
Heres how it went during the transition years. Friday, BM picked the kids up from school and had their bags in her car. (SD's bag often contained some bills. DH originally paid BM the CS but most of the time, she failed to pay the house payment, utilities, etc. After several times of us having to shovel out $ to keep the lights on, we just began paying them directly instead of to BM). It seemed like BM barely slowed down to let the kids out, I fully expected her to push them out as she SD peeled off.
Friday night was hell night with the SKs exhibiting their aggression, and turmoil.
Saturday, DH always took his 3 and my 2 somewhere for the day. By the time they all got home, they were tired and I was rested.
Sunday was the best day with everyone settling in. DH would take them home late Sunday BM would be sitting there, complaining of a headache, according to DH.
Fun years.
Oh preach! The skids must
Oh preach! The skids must live like absolute pigs at BMs because here they don't shower, don't brush their teeth, eat with mouths open and rude table manners (they actually eat alone in their bedrooms infront of their tvs over at hers so that's probably why), they leave lights on and tvs on when they aren't watching or in the room anymore, they are attitude filled, and have an air of self entitlement. It's tough and I effing hate the first 24 hours where they eventually settle into our routine but still forget basic human manners. Oh and they think they are above cleaning up after themselves so when we ask for them to do a simple task of rinsing their dishes they pout and end up mucking around. Does my head in.