SS punishment
So SS came over this weekend by himself as SD threw her tantrum and didn't want to come, 100% condoned by Toxic BM.
DH had a chat regarding SS incident at school. He swore at a teacher, and when told to attend a meeting in the office he didn't attend. As punishment the school stripped him of his house captain privileges, which they gave sooooo many warnings through the year. About time it happened as his behaviour is not ok for a while. It also sucks for him because sports day is next week and he won't be captain anymore. But, how he disrespects students and staff he doesn't deserve the role. Another student who does the right thing definitely does.
Well DH sat him down alone and asked him what happened. Basically SS denied doing anything wrong, the teacher misheard him swearing and he was stripped of his captain badge unfairly.
Now what SS doesn't know is the principal who had the meeting with SS told DH it went for a while and SS took the punishment well and he understood why he is no longer captain. If he did nothing wrong, surely he would fight that.
So DH asked him if he knew why SD wasn't here and he acted dumb. No idea. DH showed him the texts between SD and himself and said do you think this is acceptable? She's only not here to go to a sleepover I said no too. SS shrugged. Apparently DH educated him and said it's unfair the way I am treated by them, all because BM hates me. He pretty much said they both need to sharpen up their respect in this household and respect our rules.
DH said to me later he feels disappointed. All he wanted was SS to admit he messed up but he stuck to lying and denying anything. So when DH asked him in his opinion what would be a good punishment SS didn't know what to say as a punishment doesn't go with his story.
DH told him no PlayStation this weekend and no cricket. SS sulked for 2 days!! Then when it was an hour before his game he sat down infront of DH (we were chatting about Christmas ideas) and asked can he please not play the PlayStation for 3 months in exchange for DH allowing him to play cricket that night.
DH leant back in his chair and asked what his punishment was at BMs and he said 'no phone and PlayStation'. DH said the reason why he told him he can't play cricket is because he knows SS can live without electronics and the punishment won't be effective. The fact you are trying to bargain with me, means the punishment of no cricket this week is working. So no, use this time to reflect on your actions. I'm not the bad guy here, you disrespected a teacher and now your paying the price at home too. Next time this will hopefully make you think twice before being smart. SS went upstairs and sulked but came round the next day.
He was quiet the rest of the weekend but it went ok. Let's see if SD comes back next time. Watch this space.
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Comments
It sounds like SS will be the
It sounds like SS will be the next skid who refuses to come over, which could be a blessing.
BINGO!
SS will be next in line to PAS out. Pretty sure there are zero consequences/rules at BM's house.
Yes it definitely sounds like
Yes it definitely sounds like it. He sent DH a text the morning of when he was supposed to come to ours asking if he is playing cricket. DH purposely didn't reply incase he didn't come over either!
My SS had the same reaction
My SS had the same reaction when DH finally found a punishment that hit him where it hurt (going to the gym with BM after school). He tried to bargain -- which proved to DH he'd hit on the perfect thing. If these kids were smart they'd act unfazed.
Oh glad to see we aren't the
Oh glad to see we aren't the only ones dealing with this. You would think they would be, but SS here is a big sore loser so he actually pouts and sulks like a 5 year old when he's sulking about something. He can't control his emotions at all.
Yeah, my SS doesn't lash out
Yeah, my SS doesn't lash out or make noise about it, but it's very obvious when he's not happy. Which is any time he's not getting exactly what he wants.
Looks like you are having a war
A war you are not going to win. I can't give you advice, But you can not keep fighting BM. and SD and SS. Best of luck. Hope you can figure out something
Yeah pretty much. DH has
Yeah pretty much. DH has accepted his older kids are growing up without his control and pray that one day they wake up and realise the proper way to do things. I'm not holding my breath and just hope SD doesn't get pregnant at 18 like her mother and her crazy grandmother (BMs mother).
Maybe this is a learning
Maybe this is a learning moment for DH to not tolerate the shit from his failed family spawn or from their idiot mother. Time to nail BM with a contempt motion for failing to surrender SD for visitation and then go for a pulse point in SD's throat that will bleed her out as the truly meaningful punishment.
Then DH can keep his brain engaged and have several truly meaningful consequences staged to bring to bear on both SS and SD when they invariably pull their next round of bullshit.
BM has to be put in the zero tolerance boot on her throat position for the duration and beyond. The kids need to see her squirming and dealing with legal consequences for her crap. There is no need to win in court, but keeping the legal hooks in BM to drag her to court any time she pulls her bullshit needs to happen so both she and the kids see that daddy isn't F-ing around with their bullshit any longer.
Lather.... rinse... repeat.
See I wish we had a CO and
See I wish we had a CO and then he can file court for BM when she keeps the skids from him. But they never got that far. We have booked SD a doctors appointment to see a child psychologist for her 'anxiety' which she will hate but hopefully stop her using that excuse.
DH needs to get a CO. NOW!
DH needs to get a CO. NOW! If I were a SParent married to a mate with no CO that mate would go. NOW! Actually, no CO, they can go long before I would consider marrying them.
A CO is just as critical for an SP as a tool for managing the whole blended family thing as it is for the BPs and for the kids. Though Judges informed me each time we were in court that I was not a party to the case, the CO was just as critical for me because it did apply to THEM. So, my tool for keeping them in line and in supporting my bride in protecting our son from them, our family from them, and out marriage from them.
SO gets a CO or you find a fresh SO.
IMHO of course.
It’s your DH fault for not getting a court order
CO. He's the one who will loss his son. Nothing you can do. Exceoy look at nicer times
It sounds like your SS is
It sounds like your SS is doing the typical "what???? not me?" and deflecting and just saying things weren't fair to him... If I were your DH, I would have reiterated that being respectful to teaching staff was an expectation and that he would like to hear that his son apologized ... even if it was a misunderstanding..
Re the SD issue.. I actually don't think your husband should discuss the issues about SD with him. He is not an adult.. he isn't making the decisions.. and it's putting it on him.. which is probably not fair.. and if he is going to be "punished" for her transgressions.. yeah.. he will start declining visitation too.